December 27, 2006

Keepin' It Classy

Just in case there was any confusion about how classy my family and I are -- we spent Christmas Eve singing this in lieu of Christmas Carols...I mean hey -- it's Holiday themed!

December 22, 2006

Bring Back the Slam Book!!

God, remember slam books??? Ah, how I miss the simplicity of elementary school and the ability that a pink pen had to change the entire outlook of my day. Anyway, this post is pretty boring and self indulgent (HA! Which one isn't?) but it reminded me of elementary school slam books...

The ABCs

A - Available or Single? Um, those are not opposites. And I'm happily taken by the way. Wait, Taken is a dumb word. Let's just say I count my blessings everyday that I have Garrett. That's better.
B - Best friend? See Above
C - Cake or Pie? Oh god, CAKE! Carrot cake, white cake, chocolate cake...Yes please.
D - Drink of choice? Coffee in the morning, water always, Diet Coke/Diet Squirt if I need some carbonated refreshment, a tasty cab/gin and tonic after a long day.
E - Essential item you use every day? Lipgloss
F - What do you do for Fun? Cook, watch movies, go out on the town, see friends, read, write
G - Gummy bears or worms? Worms. huh. What an odd thing to have a preference about, but apparently I do. Who knew?
H - Hometown? Born in Rochester, Michigan but grew up in Fremont, CA
I - Indulgence? Going to bed on clean sheets after a hot bubble bath WITH shaved legs and a book so good I can't put it down
J - January or February? January...who doesn't love a fresh start?
K - Kids and Names? I'm sure I will think of some when I have some.
L - Life is incomplete without? love
M - Messy or Neat? It depends. If I lived alone, you could eat off my floor. But sharing space with other people, I am probably messier than I'd like to admit.
N - Number of Siblings? None...the lonely only
O - Oranges or Apples? I like the taste of oranges better (when they're good) but I like the instant gratification of apples more.
P - Phobia / Fears? Spiders sure do get the blood pumping
Q - Favorite Quote? Only those who risk going to far can possibly find out how far one can go --T.S Eliot
R - Reason to smile? My life is good, my family is healthy, my friends are awesome, and I'm totally in love. What's not to smile about?
S - Favorite Season? Autumn, hands down
T - Favorite time of day? Right when I wake up and everything is quiet
U - Unkown fact about me? I love watching infomercials
V - Vegetable you don't like? Um, I don't think there is one. Oh wait...I don't LOVE mushrooms
W - Worst habit? Being 100% unable to ever hold my tongue. I pretty much say what I think at all times. Sometimes it would behoove me to just sit on a thought for a while.
X - Xrays you've had? I have no clue. I haven't really been hospitalized that much and I've never broken a bone, so probably not many if any.
Y - Your favorite food? All of it.
Z - Zodiac sign? Libra

December 19, 2006

How to Annoy Me...A User's Guide

So I'm hoping that I'm out of the woods with this rummy haze I've been in
for the past two weeks. With some holiday extravaganzas happening and
a bout with a nasty cold that just refuses to go away, I've been waiting
patiently for some clarity of mind to return so I could post something
incredibly witty and useful, but I'm pretty sure that's not going to happen.
Frankly, I'm overly crabby. Though I've secretly always wanted to have a really bad cold just so I can test the medicinal acuity of only whiskey and sleep -- right now I am very over still being sick -- and when I'm feeling sorry for myself for being sick, everything starts pissing me off it seems.

For example:

1. Why do people mistake the word Bravado for Brave. Just because you
add an -ADO onto the end of a word, does not make it more fancy. It actually does what I like to call, CHANGES THE MEANING YOU IDIOT! And just because something almost sounds like something else...doesn't mean it is something else. Isn't this like one of those things we learned in Kindergarten?

2. Why do people assume when they have any kind of sore throat that they have strep throat? For the record, strep throat is a very specific virus, which you must be tested for to confirm. Just because you wake up in the morning and your throat hurts a little and it happens to be Winter, DOESN'T MEAN YOU HAVE STREP!!!!!! These are the same stupid people who think you get a cold from it "being" cold. Once again, I know they sound similar, but they are NOT THE SAME.

3. Piggy backing on that -- Attention people with headaches: just because
you are incredibly put out when your head hurts "really bad" does not mean you have a migraine. Migraines, as well, are a very specific type of headache. Unless you have a license to practice medicine or you ate a brain tumor for breakfast, I'm pretty sure you probably don't have one, and I'm definitely sure you can't diagnose it. So don't. There are lots of people to whom you can pay exorbitant amounts of money to do that for you...and there are even more people you can pay exorbitant amounts of money to create little pills you can take for it. And by "it", I mean the stupidity that's being cultivated in your brain that is clearly causing it to hurt!

4. Why does anyone in their right mind re-heat any sort of exceptionally
spicy, fishy, meaty (read: stinky) food in a confined space? Does that make any sense? Maybe fish head stew, or oxtail casserole, or plates of quivering beef taste good to you -- and that's fine. I'm very proud of you, and not knocking your taste in cuisine. But if the smell makes me want to vomit, then I'm pretty sure it might make a few other people want to vomit as well, and might I remind you, we are in a confined space, and vomiting is not what we're trying to do here, remember?

5. And while I'm at it -- Who hell carts their dogs around in a BABY STROLLER? Why is Paris Hilton famous? And why can't Britney cover up her lady parts?

Some days I think I just should have stayed in bed.

December 08, 2006

One's Trash is Another's Treasure

This book is totally following me around and it is kind of creepy! I feel like everywhere I go I keep hearing about it, seeing it, reading about it...It's like "Ok, Ok I'll read you already!" I definitely think the title is intriguing, and I am almost always up for an intellectual exchange about the differences in perceptions and opinions between men and women.

I finally broke down and headed to the author's website and the questions are intriguing. I mean where do we get our ideas on beauty, and why is a man's identity so fiercely intertwined in his career? I guess I'm interested in hearing what Darwin has to say about it through the lens of Michael Gilbert. Although I get slightly leery of books when the words "important" and "provocative" are stamped all over it.

Maybe this guy is a total douchebag...

Maybe Santa will bring it to me for Christmas...

December 07, 2006

Yes that's right, I can make just about anything selfish...

I think I spent the first 20 years of my life hating all seafood without ever even trying a bite. Some sort of domestic propaganda (or perhaps just my mother's distaste for it) convinced me that it was something that I needed to stay far far away from. Who are we kidding, I didn't cook for myself until college, so consequently "I don't eat anything that swims" used to be a mantra that I chanted with pride. But then one day the weirdest thing happened...I tried a little bite of one my good friend's sushi rolls, and realizing I could have my own opinions about food, I was totally hooked! I know, I know that was a sad sad pun! It was truly bizarre having spent my whole life thinking I didn't like something, only to discover it is one of the greatest and most diverse culinary delicacies EVER! It was kind of mindblowing to be honest. So after that experience I didn't just toy with enjoying your basic sushi rolls, I branched out to tasting other fish - cooked fish, shellfish, sashimi-- well really anything 'of the sea' at this point. Apparently I've spent the past 8 years making up for lost time.

I have to say though, there is a part of me that feels like my shunning fish in my youth caused me to miss out on many years of unadulterated enjoyment. I'm not weeping over fish sticks and tartar sauce in front of the Atari, or what could have been, I'm merely noting that in falling in love with seafood later in life means I am forced to acknowledge that there are health and environmental concerns associated with this type of cuisine and as an adult being oblivious just doesn't have the same kind of adorable quality. I know these concerns exist, and as someone who is grown, I feel I need to approach my consumption responsibly. Not that I am an excessive environmentalist, or exceptionally commited to purity and health, but I feel obligated to make myself aware of common perils and preventions associated with eating seafood, if for no other reason that to assuage my own fears and deter my own guilt.

With that being said I was hopscotching around on the net reading about this exact topic and came upon some relevant information about the lack of federal legislation concerning offshore aquaculture (don't even ask -- I don't even know where I ended up or how I got there -- all I know is our mainframe was down at work and I was bored). I also found some really useful checklists offering information about the farming of certain species of fish, as well as warnings about which fish are healthier options than others with respect to contaminats. (If I had been paying more attention at the time, I could have saved the link and put right here in this very riveting and informative post. damn it to heck!!) Anyway -- I was bummed to find out that many of the different types of tuna that I love so dearly, are endangered and probably shouldn't be cut up into spicy little pieces and consumed with a delectable bottle if Nigori sake (mmm...that just made my mouth water). I also learned that the sea bass I just consumed the other night at Moxie, though covered in a toasty and flavorful coating of macadamia nuts, was probably not the most ethical choice I could have made. Damn.

But you know what I did find out that just totally rocked my world??? A ton of shrimp is farmed in various unethical ways around the world! SCORE!!! Why does this rock my world, you ask? Because I HATE shrimp, and have spent countless years chastising my tastebuds for eschewing their nubby little texture and slimy flavorless taste. And now I feel quite holier-than-thou in that rejection (and it is a rare moment when I can say that). Now instead of passing up the shrimp tray at parties, and racking my brain for a witty excuse as to why I won't touch this commonly enjoyed dish -- I will just turn up my nose and say (in a mock British accent for effect, of course) "The unethical farming of these dear little creatures just absolutely revolts me...I couldn't possibly..." And then I will walk away feeling smug!

Please, you didn't think I was getting all political on you, did you???

December 05, 2006

Sometimes The World Is Just Against You

I enjoyed Taco Bell for the first time in ages today...and when I came home the Victoria's Secret fashion show was on. Moo.

November 21, 2006

For the Wordy Version, See Below

Waves crashing in San Simeon

How beautiful is the Central Coast?

Garrett and I at Lone Madrone

John, Gina, Jen, and Nick showing their 49er pride

The whole clan

Cutest 49er fans EVER!

Wine, Dine, and 49!

I know...I'm totally obnoxious! But I can't resist now that I finally joined computer literate society and know how to post pictures. I've had a rowdy couple of weekends and thought I would just post a few shots that really capture the fun!
Nov 10-12 Me, Garrett, Sarah, and Ebruvwiyo headed down the Central Coast to do some wine tasting. I hadn't been down to the area since I transferred from Cal Poly (what in like 1998) so it was nice to go back and reminisce. Ultimately I realized what a beautiful climate I had taken for granted! The weather was great, the scenery was awesome, I couldn't have asked for a better backdrop for a fun weekend of indulging. We stayed at Sarah's parents' house in San Miguel, and what wonderful hosts they were! I don't think we stopped eating from the time we got there until the time we left - with highlights being some tried and true biscuits and gravy, some wonderful tamales from the Templeton Farmer's Market, and a Sunday morning all-you-can-eat-hangover-cure Mexican breakfast buffet. Whoa! Their property was beautiful, nestled atop a vineyard covered hill, and full of wide open space - something I really miss living in a little downtown Sacramento apartment. The only downside was that all the dirt, pollen, and pet dander that comes with wonderful wide open spaces was in full effect that weekend, so you can guess that my allergies were acting up something fierce!

Saturday we headed out to the Farmer's Market and I had so much fun sampling all the delectable bits of local produce. The most exciting discovery was a little stand selling a Brazilian fruit called a feijoa. I thought they tasted like tart little kiwi fruits, but what was even more amazing was that Garrett has one of these trees growing on the side yard of his house. We have been painstakingly picking up this odd little fruit off the ground and cursing it, all the while never knowing it was actually a wonderfully delicious Brazilian treat! Who knew?

After getting our fill of the agriculture scene, we headed out the wineries. Wow! There are many. We did our best to map out a route that would be efficient and fun, picking out places we'd like to try or that sounded appealing to our palates, and we didn't even come close to seeing everything. It was a full day of tasting, with blissful consequences! I think it was unanimous that Grey Wolf Cellars was our favorite. The informative staff and delicious concoctions delighted all of us-- it was a fitting place to end the day.

Before heading home we trekked out to San Simeon and watched some waves crash. It was salty, sandy, and chilly and great to see that the ocean, in fact, is still there. I love just about everything about Sacramento, but the fact that I don't see the ocean regularly just bums me out! I'm always so grateful when I get to the beach because there is something refreshing about the sights and sounds of ocean waves. It was great to be reminded how beautiful it is. All in all a great time was had, and it was a wonderful way to unwind before this last weekend

Nov 17-19 Woo hoo! Another fun filled weekend to reminisce and be thankful. Lately I have found myself really feeling grateful for all the abundance in my life. I guess that's sort of cliche with Thanksgiving coming up and all, but I assure you the sentiment was genuine and had more to do with the actual events of the weekend, and not necessarily their chronology.

Friday was Garrett's and my anniversary (I'm sure their is a wretched grammatical error in there, but you know what, I am too lazy to figure it out!). I continue to feel overwhelmingly happy to have him in my life! He is just my absolute best friend, charming as hell, funny, adorable, and there is just no one I would rather be around. On top of it - he's supportive, smart, and silly, and he digs my family (crazy as they all are) so basically I just couldn't ask for anything more. Being the big goober when it comes to things like holidays, birthdays, anniversaries, etc - I did a lot of thinking on Friday about how much better my life has been over the past year having Garrett in it...and its just so apparent! The boy is a cornucopia of goodness---how's that for a cheesy Thanksgiving reference????

Piggy backing on this gratitude kick that I am on, I feel really thankful that I got to spend Sunday with a bunch of people that I care about, as well as watch the SF 49ers kick some serious tail against the Seattle Seahawks! Kelly and Gersson had purchased tickets for this game for the entire wedding party back in September, and we were all to reunite and share a day of fall, football, and fun - and that is basically just what happened. With our cooler full, our SF gear in tow, and of course a caravan of craziness, we all headed down at the CRACK OF DAWN to Monster Park (c'mon its soooo still Candlestick) to start the tailgating early. It was members of the wedding party, significant others, my cousins, my aunt and uncle, friends...I mean just about everyone was there! It was so much fun to tailgate, drink beer, eat hot links (its always about the food in my family, right?) and then take in a super fun football game where the 49ers kicked butt! It was great to see all my cousins -- not only just the Fremont crew, but Jim and Krystal heading down from Chico, Jeff from Santa Cruz, Sara from Monterey, and of course Gersson's extended clan all the way up from LA. I was just so happy to feel the love from everyone! We were all so happy to just be hanging out, kicking back, and enjoying each other's company - it just doesn't get any better! Moments like that are hard to come by with everyone's busy schedules, varied geography, and especially during the holiday season - so I was exceptionally grateful on the ride home just thinking about how lucky I am to have that kind of family in my life. What a blast!

Monday came with a MAJOR fun hangover - I think work was the last place any of us wanted to be no matter how much we like our jobs. I can't imagine next Monday will be any different with Thanksgiving coming up and all the excitement that entails. I'm really looking forward to family, stuffing, turkey, and football (in that order)! Hope the pictures weren't too obnoxious--I just had a ton of fun and wanted to share!

November 09, 2006

I Vote Treats, not Tricks

So Garrett was going to be working late on Halloween so for me it was going to be like any other night. Sure I would see cute little ones in costumes trick-or-treating on my drive home from work, but living in an apartment these days definitely eliminates the demand for Costco bags full of candy waiting eagerly to hear the doorbell. I was pleasantly surprised when Garrett's meeting was cancelled, and being that he actually lives in a home in the 'burbs, I got to experience some genuine trick-or-treaters. They were all so cute, though the volume of kids walking about was definitely different then when I was young.

Feeling festive and excited that I was going to get to celebrate a holiday (c'mon you know I'm a super geek for that kind of stuff) I came up with an appropriate dinner menu that fit the occasion perfectly. Everything turned out great, and noshing on candy while we waited was great, but I have to say the star of the evening was the following recipe for pumkin soup! You might be thinking that it sounds gross, but I am not kidding it was a most delicious and spicy delight that I can't believe I have never served before (but most certainly will serve again):

2 TBS Extra Virgin Olive Oil
1 Medium Onion, finely chopped
3 Cups Vegetable Stock
1 (14.5 oz) can diced tomatoes in juice
1 (15 oz) can black beans drained
2 (15 oz) can pumpkin puree
1 Cup heavy cream
1 TBS red curry powder
1 1/2 tsp ground cumin
1/2 tsp cayenne pepper
Coarse Salt
20 blades fresh chives chopped for garnish

Heat a soup pot over medium heat. Add oil. When oil is hot, add onion. Saute onions 5 minutes. Add broth, tomatoes, black beans and pumpkin puree. Stir to combine ingredients and bring soup to a boil. Reduce head to medium low and stir in cream, curry, cumin, cayenne and salt, to taste. Simmer 5 minutes, adjust seasonings and serve garnished with chopped chives.

OMG! Where are the leftovers???

November 03, 2006

Regarding # 2 below...I AM NOT ALONE

My tech saavy impresses you, huh?

Bones to Pick

Two random points of contention:

1. What is happening to Tower Cafe? The quality of food and the service at that restaurant is declining like a cancer patient with a metastasized liver. Whoa!...its finally happened...too many Grey's Anatomy episodes have me making cruel and insensitive medical jokes. I knew that show was bad news! Anyway, last Sunday Garrett and I hit it up for breakfast, and once again the food was subpar. Anyone who knows me, knows that it is a rule that everyone orders their own breakfast entree and then the appropriate amount of their delicious French Toast is ordered as well--whether you want it or not. Frankly if you don't want it, you're probably not even a friend of mine, but that is beside the point. The point is, lately the entrees really havent been tasting that great. The french toast is the only thing that keeps me coming back. Brown eggs, and not so brown potatoes are not the signature cuisine I have come to expect on my weekend mornings. Its kind of a tragedy. And to make it even worse the service has been horrific! Garrett and I waited for almost 40 minutes after we finished our meals to get our check last Sunday (luckily we brought the paper with us, so it wasn't a total loss) and when we finally tracked down our waiter, he forgot that he had already served us our food and gave us the broken record "Your food is just about ready." It was SO bizarre...though sadly, not that uncommon as of late. (The biggest tragedy of this little rant is that we didn't even order French Toast this time so it was bad service, brown eggs, and not-brown potatoes...not so good...not so good!) I know Tower Records is on its way out of town, but Tower Cafe is a little ray of sunshine on the weekends, and my last few experiences there left much to be desired...WTF???

2. Since when did wearing acid washed tapered jeans with an acid washed denim shirt come back in fshion? I've seen two people wearing that senseless ensemble today, and I am incredibly curious. Did I not get the memo???

Updates and Anticipations

I can't believe it's Friday already!

Last weekend was so much fun, then having a mid week goof off day with Halloween, it just doesn't seem right that I am already cruising through the gateway to the weekend.

So Sarah and Kenny continue to cook the best lasagna on the planet, as demonstrated by last weekend's Friday night festivities. They have such a cozy new house, and the fact that they moved in during the fall, and they have a beautiful tree getting ready to change colors right out front just rocks! Sitting on their back patio and watching that tree change is going to be one of my favorite things over the next couple of weeks, I can just feel it!

Saturday night was David Sedaris and he was so GREAT! I mean I was expecting him to be great, of course, but he was just so unassuming, frank, and FUNNY! He read a few selections to be published in upcoming issues of The New Yorker, and a few other really hysterical pieces. It felt like home there at the Crest - my people! I felt like a nerd among nerds :) It was great to share that with Garrett too, because I know it wasn't something he usually does, much more up my alley, and to see him be open to that as well as truly enjoy himself was really special!

Sunday was a catchup day, as they usually are. I'm hoping we get up to Apple Hill one of these Sundays soon-- before all the Holiday craziness begins (though looking at my calendar I am pretty sure it has already begun). Speaking of the Holidays, I picked up a lb. of Peet's Holiday Blend this year and it is as delicious as ever. Full bodied with a little fruity tang! I had my first home brewed cup this morning and it was I love seeing the little red bag on my counter top. It was so delicious it made me want to bust out my French Press since there is no better way to enjoy a quality cup of coffee. That is definitely what I miss about Peet's, the ease with which you could craft a perfect cup on a moment's notice. I don't miss the hectic nature of the holidays in there though. The volume of people, the fogged up windows, the constant restocking, steaming eggnog (ugh! that's the worst!). This year I will definitely relish my ability to go inside, enjoy a beverage (and I will never EVER order an eggnog latte EVER), pick up some beans and some Peppermint bark (mmmmm), and then GET THE HECK OUT!!!

Holiday parties are starting to line up as well, which just makes me giddy. Garrett's work party/dinner is at Moxie, which I am excited about. His company is small and his co-workers are genuinely kind, so it makes being the Significant Other not so stressful. Although the last work event of his that I attended, I ended up being told by his boss how cute his butt was, and how I was spiritually obligated to "consummate our relationship on the Sabbath"...and that was a little weird. I guess that's what happens when you work for a small company - more liberal sexual harassment policies and such :).

My work holiday party is at the Hyatt, and it is being billed as a "Night of Dinner and Dancing." Let's hope that doesn't mean bad music and raw Prime Rib (redundant, I know...ick!). I don't know how Allied parties, so we will have to see this year! The night after Allied's party is Jeremy & Hilary's annual extravaganza, which is always a great time. I'm thinking about White Elephant gifts already -- So fun! I think Garrett and I will have to head down the The Shabby Shack again this year as it was RIPE with gift-worthy items last year.

This weekend looks to be relatively relaxing. I'm hoping to get down to the downtown ice skating rink...I'm such a nerd for anything festive! Plus I have a damn cute collection of scarves and what better place to don one! Hopefully tonight if Garrett's travel day doesn't suck too much out of him. Tomorrow is the Junior League Bus Tour and we are heading to three notable places that I am totally interested in seeing. It includes trips to the Children's Receiving Home, Crisis Nursery, and St. John's Shelter. I'm really excited. I continue to feel good about my decision to join Junior League of Sacramento. It's been nothing like the horror stories I have heard about debutantes and unhappy housewives. I've met some really nice people, and I'm looking forward to all the opportunities I will have to impact my community. The experience is what you make it, and I'm glad I didn't think too much about joining alone, or have second thoughts because it scary getting involved in something where you don't know anyone. I think it was ultimately a decision that will enrich my life for a long time, and how can that NOT be exciting.

Anyway, I guess that's it! That's all the news that is news.

October 23, 2006

Current Obsession

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Take that those who say I'm not tech-saavy! Ok I'm not, but I did figure out how to put pictures on here all by myself. Yes, that's right, I figured out how to post a picture of a dutch oven on my blog site because I'm currently obsessed with it. Don't you say my life isn't crazy!

October 17, 2006

Yes, I Have Been Eating Retard Sandwiches Again

I have succumbed to a fate more horrible than death, and I assure you my tendency towards overstatement is not in effect here.

I have fallen in love, against my better judgment, with the TV show Grey’s Anatomy. I have exhausted all possible solutions for falling out of love, and I have thus come to the realization that nothing can be done. The show is overly hyped, overly stylized (c’mon you haven’t noticed that every set of scrubs Izzy wears perfectly compliments her “resident hot intern” figure?), and it is so musically manipulated that I often wait with anticipatory glee for the background music so I can listen to the words to tell how I am supposed to feel. But no matter how hard I try, I still love it! And at this point, I’m actually ok with that part. I’m not scared of a little guilty pleasure -- I revel in it actually. The horror, and yes – there’s horror, stems from the fact that this show is so bandwagon! So bandwagon, I assert, that it is almost competing with the caliber of fans that show up to the Staples Center when the Lakers are in the playoffs (Ah, how the beginning of basketball season has got me chomping at the bit to disparage the Lakers at any and all opportunities). Apologies for the digression.

So anyway, it’s bandwagon – and I HATE bandwagon! I don’t hate it in “boys who wear black eyeliner and listen to underground bands” kind of way, but in more of an anti “hey, let’s all meet up at the Sorority house on Thursday nights and borrow each other’s Bebe outfits” kind of way **insert retching noise here**. But at the same time, the show is really, really addictive! You see the only reason I even rented Season 1 (and only the first 5 episodes, mind you) was because I was sure I would watch one or two episodes and think to myself “McDreamy? uh…more like Mc-LAME-y! What waste of celluloid, and precious time that I could better spend killing brain cells watching Laguna Beach marathons”. But after two lousy episodes I began to wonder where Patrick Dempsey had been for the last 10 years, and mentally planning my trip to crispy, cool Seattle for a mini-vacay. Somebody get out my sorority roster, I’m about to invite the gals over!

I’m only one third of the way through Season 2, and already I’m glued to my dvd player at basically every free moment. I’m totally ashamed. I guess I should have asked for Bebe gift certificates for my birthday.

October 11, 2006

Did He Dazzle You With His Extensive Knowledge of Mineral Water?

So Garrett has this wonderful quality that I just can't get enough of. He just doesn't slack. Ok, so that's probably not totally true, but I'm convinced that his tendency to slack is just astronomically smaller than anyone else I've ever met. What makes it stand out to me is the ease with which he tackles things that have me, personally, breaking into a cold sweat. I swear its like he reads my diary. It's like I've made a list of all the things that I find difficult to do, put off until tomorrow, or hoped would do themselves, and he's read it, done it, and it's old news. And I'm so flippin jealous!!! So I was thinking tonight, what if I just took those things and just didn't slack. I mean really--how hard can that be? Read my own diary and just do it. You know, like instead of beating myself up sometimes because I don't floss twice a day like I should-- Well, what if I just start? I mean couldn't it be that easy? I know that sometimes life gets overwhelming, or the red wine flows like water, and well, flossing just doesn't seem to rank. But what if, instead of putting things off and feeling guilty about them--I just did them. Hmm..simple, bizarre, true.

I used to get up 5 days a week at like 3:45am. Now, who in their right mind does that? It's NUTS. But after awhile its just the norm. It's no big deal, its not painful. You can do it drunk, you can do it sober. You just do it. Now that I'm out of the habit it seems horrific, but I'm absolutely certan I could do it for a week or two and be absolutely back into the groove. So why can't I do that with say--keeping my closet organized, or grocery shopping on a regular basis, or packing a lunch for work everyday. These things aren't half as horrific as depriving myself of sleep, but they are so hard for me to make myself do.

Choosing to make yourself do something seems to be the key though, right? It reminds me of when I was living in LA and my old roommate would be working at 5am, going to school, doing his homework, working a 2nd job, getting decent grades and still finding time to spend time with his family in the valley, see his friends on the weekends, write a one man show, and hello---still be fun! One day I stopped him and said "Fredo, how do you do all that and not just collapse?" and he looked at me and said "Oh I just keep going." And I thought to myself--yes, yes he does. It was like profundity personified.

So every once in a while when I have alot going on and I am feeling overwhelmed, I often think of that conversation and realize that the decision is mine I will either choose to crap out, or choose to keep going. I know, this is not rocket science here, but it's major to me. So what if I did that kind of simplifying with all the little loose ends that I'm trying to deal with in my life. God knows I've got the list of 'em going. Instead of worrying, and whining, and being anxious at night--what if just didn't slack anymore? Ever.

It's gotta be possible right? I think I'm gonna try it.

October 09, 2006

Blogging From The Edge of Heaven

So I think I have finally recovered, and I will be sending one embossed glossy thank you card to a Mr. George Michael!

The fact that I chose to spend two of my back-to-back September weekends participating in the nuptials of two couples for which I have dear affection had an effect on me that I really hadn't anticipated. Ok let's just cut the shit, it was ROUGH! I know that sounds terrible, especially since both weddings were actually incredibly well executed, classy, romantic affairs where I definitely enjoyed myself, but the following week after the final wedding I just wasn’t my normal active self. I'm sure Garrett would disagree, since on the outside I was my normal list making, cruise directing, calendar obsessed self--trying to coordinate 500 things into every free minute of the next few months--but honestly, I just wasn't feeling like me. It was clear that I needed something to bring me back to the animated, excitable, easy-going-with-a-side-of-crazy gal that I normal enjoy being.

Discovering the genesis for my energy drain certainly wasn’t finding the cure for cancer. The middle of September had me pinned under a heavy workload Monday through Friday, and the stress involved in being a bridesmaid should seriously be right up there with death, divorce, and taxes. Throw in some inconvenient car trouble, and the incredibly painful onset of a clearly ill-timed kidney infection were all factors that lead to this wedding hangover, for sure! (Note to Kidney: If you ever do that to me again, there will be SERIOUS consequences. I'm talking hotel bathtubs, ice cubes, and ebay. Do you hear me?) A normal person might think a few extra Zs, an expertly prescribed cocktail of antibiotics, cranberry juice, and maybe just a day off work might do the trick. But the thing is, you'd be wrong. Actually the cure-all for life's woes comes courtesy of a little band called Wham!

Beginning much like any other weekend, Saturday morning found Garrett and I walking down to Peet’s for our much needed beverages of choice and to the J Street Noah’s bagels to stuff our hungover faces. After a hearty helping of carbohydrates and people watching, we headed over to The Beat to browse and finish our coffee, and it was here that I was reunited with a dear, dear friend.

With the intention of finding The Faint's remix album, maybe some Imogen Heap, and anything else that tickled our fancies, I came across the Wham! Album “Songs From The Edge Of Heaven.” To make it even sweeter -- it was in the $7.99 bargain bin. Needless to say my excitement level went through the roof. The album came out in 1986, and it was on heavy rotation in my bedroom’s hot pink boom box. Just looking at the cover filled my head with that overly produced homo-erotic synth-pop that had characterized a huge part of my life long before I was even old enough to contemplate the implication of George Michael's hot pink shorts. Saddened by the fact that Garrett couldn’t accompany me when I began to recite ‘Wham! Rap 86’, and wanting so desperately to relive my experience with ‘Last Christmas”-- you know, before it became a ubiquitous retail anthem heard annually while sifting through displays of Gap scarves, or gift packs at Victoria’s secret during the Holidays —- I immediately knew I had to have it. With an unsure but curious look on his face, my delicious boyfriend (continuing to spoil me as he did for some reason all weekend) purchased this album that had me off in my own giddy-land, and it was to the car we rolled…

…And listened. And once again, the curious look appeared on Garrett’s face as I played for him these anthems of my youth. Though he knew about Wham!, because he is 3 years younger he didn't have that same instant nostalgia. It was hysterical to hear these kitschy homosexual manifestos and think about how they must have originally sounded. It was like I had always, yet never, remembered it. How did I not know? I enjoyed every cheesy minute though, and when I got to Wham! Rap ’86, and belted out every ridiculous word —I had the realization that I had enjoyed this album 20 years ago! 20 YEARS AGO! It was mind boggling to be totally honest.

With my 28th birthday coming up this weekend it’s surely not that big of a deal to have enjoyed something 20 years ago, but it gave me pause for a second. I reflected, as I often do before my birthday-- and yes, with Wham! playing in the background, thank you very much— and I realized with the cutest boy in the world sitting next to me, that I am blissfully happy. I’m as blissfully happy as I was singing Wham! songs into the mirror on the back of my bedroom door when I was 8. I’m sure I don’t acknowledge it to him as often as I should, but I am so lucky that I have a boyfriend who loves me in all of my ridiculous juvenile glory. Who will buy me cheesy cds and fabulous bottles of wine all in a 24 hour time period. Who will sleep next to me when I am ridiculously drunk and emotional, and still tell me I look beautiful in my greasy ponytail the next day over bagels. It was that kind of love that I hoped for when I was just a wee Wham! fan fantasizing about my future with super hottie, George Michael — you know but with less hot pink shorts and indecent bathroom behavior.

September 26, 2006

Sense and Sensibility

Getting dressed this morning I did something a little unusual. I willingly put on a pair of granny panties. Not disgusting or huge panties, or Bridget Jones tummy sucking panties, but full caboose, no design, plain white cotton undies. And you know what--I felt so sensible all day. Is that weird?

I got up on the wrong side of the bed, I was tired and didn't really want to go to work. I showered and it was still chilly. I wanted coffee, oatmeal, and E! News on my couch...I certainly wasn't interested in proper primping, packing a lunch, or sitting at my desk all day solving the greater Sacramento area's insurance problems. I think that's why I put them on in the first place. Feeling somewhat rebellious and spiteful, I picked out a sloppy outfit, taking full advantage of the last few days of United Way Campaign related mid-week casual dress. Jeans, polo, flats....I didn't even want to do my hair. I think that's why I chose the chonies. You know how there is nothing better than being in a totally reasonable outfit with a leopard thong on underneath? Well I was determined for my booty to mirror my mood so I put on the plainest skivs I own. But seriously, I think it might have had an unconcious effect on my decision making.

On a somewhat related yet unrelated note, I'm feeling slightly under the weather, so tonight I stayed home instead of attending a birthday dinner for a friend of mine (once again, a sensible decision...who am i? passing up a social occasion to take care of myself. But btw, I am still wearing the undies) Anyway--so I'm here watching Dancing With the Stars, and can I just say-- how fun is this show? I think I might be addicted. Watching the behind-the-scenes rehearsal footage before each dance, however, and seeing Mario Lopez wearing a headband--that's a little much. Ever since he cheated on Ali Landry and they divorced like 5 weeks after being married, I've just lost the pubescent AC Slater love that I once felt for him during the Saved by the Bell Years. And seeing him in a headband doing the tango and taking himself very seriously...what a douche!

God I'd go on with this incredibly informative rant about underwear and headbands, but Sex and the City is on. I LOVE night's in!

September 18, 2006

Wedding Potential

Don't Panic. I'm not tying the knot.

And for the record, the mere mention of weddings doesn't generally make me all googly and bust out my scrapbook filled with dresses, and flowers, and cakes I hope to see in my future once Mr. Right hides that giant rock in my champagne glass. But seeing as I just spent my entire last weekend at my cousin's wedding in Chico, and I'm going to be spending this coming weekend in Redding at my friend Lisa's wedding, I think it is normal that the idea of wedded bliss has been something I've been kicking around...Probably not in the way you might think though.

Now don't get me wrong--I can be totally girly. Last summer I attended a wedding with a friend of mine where I was just "the date". I didn't know these people, their memories were not my memories, and their futures had absolutely no bearing on mine. But I still cried like a baby when the gorgeous bride walked down the aisle and was given away to her betrothed. And when the drunk maid of honor got up and made her speech--I most definitely wiped away a tear or two. Was I actually feeling great emotion because of the intensity of the relationships present? Heck no! I mean I didn't know a soul there. That emotion was genuine though. I was 100% touched by this lovely IDEA.

The whole process got me thinking about how sometimes I think that we all fall prey to loving the idea of things more than the actual things themselves. I mean, what is the purpose of a wedding? The pat answer is of course to declare your undying love for your lover, partner, or S.O. that you've most likely been shacking up with, in front of your friends and family, right? Often times, however, it ends up being a mess of bridezillas, corking fees, catering conflicts, and bitchy bridesmaids. And for a second, I was thinking how much that sucks. But then I realized, sometimes things get a little messy when you are trying to obtain the ideal, and who am I to criticize that? I mean I love the imaginary, the fantasy, the prospective. (English Major Dork remember???) I love "how I hope it will be" and "how it might end up" in any situation. I love potential...THAT is what makes me googly...and I've decided that a thinking person can, and frankly should, find something to get all googly over. And who cares if that's cliche!!!

It's like autumn. I LOVE autumn. LOVE IT! Anyone who has been around me the last couple of weeks as the weather has cooled will testify to the fact that every breeze that has blown with even the most minute force has started me on an oration on the many joys of the fall. But I'm not even sure I really do love the fall. I think I just love the potential of fall. I love the idea of the leaves changing, because I love the thought of nature rejuvinating (even though I HATE leaves blowing everywhere, and kill me before you make me pick up a rake!). I love the smells of apples and cinnamon, because I love the idea of freshly baked homemade treats (but me+ a kitchen + baking supplies = a recipe for DISASTER). I love the crispness in the autumnal air (even though everyone that knows me knows how much I HATE being cold). I love the comforts of a wooly sweater (even though my skins is sensitive, wet wool is itchy, and HELLO! Fall is um...a bit damp). I love snuggling under down blankets (ok ok, there's absolutely nothing I don't love about that!). But even if a lot of these things are just ideas, is it so bad to fantasize???

All these romanticized notions of everything in life-- picture perfect weddings, crisp fall days, simple lives where the complications of "the real world" don't get to you--they are unattainable. This is no surprise. We all know the wedding photographer is going to be late, I will undoubtebly get caught in the rain in my sweater (double itch), and yard work is still going to have to be done, and the bills are still going to need to be paid. All of those things are GOING to happen, so there's definitely that pessimistic part of me that is committed to reason and knows that things need to be dealt with, life is long, and there's not too much I can do about it. But you know what-- that's depressing-- and who wants to walk around thinking about that??? I'm definitely realistic enough to forget about trying to make things in life perfect. Screw living up to a greeting card fantasy kind of life. But you know what, screw the extreme reality of it all too! There has to be a happy medium. When it comes right down to it and the world of reality tries to threaten my mood, --I'll just think of something warm and fuzzy--and you know what, I'll be happy in that moment.

Optimism is totally underrated.

September 11, 2006

A is for Anxious, B is for Broke, C is for Civic LOVE!!!

As if I needed another reason to be anxious, my car decided to start making this horrible screeching noise last night. I don't mean like cute farm animal squealing, but rather metal on metal grossness. So in an effort to take on this probelm head on, my roommate and I went to Safeway to buy wine...which upon first glass gave me an immediate headache. BOO! It is times like this that I wonder how the universe works. Why of all weeks, does my car have to go and "need attention" this week? I have 100 things on my plate that all need to be dealt with like 10 minutes ago, and then my car goes and acts like it needs some lovin. I love you little know this...I know I haven't washed you in a bit, but don't mistake that for not being loved. I love you! Needless to say, this has catapulted my anxiety into outer space.

Ironically enough, it is times like this when I feel like the little boy who cried wolf. I have been so busy being anxious about things that ultimately will not affect my life, when this gigantic situation of SUCK comes along and really threatens to screw things up. I mean your car is your mode of transport, your ticket to independence, and c'mon, we all know it is my purse outside my purse. Not having my car accessible to me at all times is REALLY infuriating. The problem is, I have spent like 5 days straight stressing about the wedding I'm going to this weekend, the pros and cons of self tanner, strapless bras, my boyfriend's outfits, my own outfits, tummy sucker-in-ers, and all this NONSENSE (yes I am admitting its all nonsense) has left me with little room to actually cope with the stress of things that are actually stressful.

Yes that's right, I have wasted my stress on the not-stressful, and now that I really have something to stress about, I am all out of coping skills. I bet my body is working overtime producing cortisol...the "stress hormone that makes belly fat" know, that you see on late night infomercials selling bottles of pills that 'melt fat away'. This is also very timely. Instead of being able to face a challenge head on and attack it, my body is making "belly fat". Which leads me back to tummy sucker-in-ers....You see it's a vicious cycle with no end in sight. Awesome.

September 10, 2006

Norstrom Rack: 1 Holly: 0

Shopping for boy shoes is just lame.

However, with that being said, I found myself a new pair of shoes at the Rack, so forget menswear! I eschew you! Granted I don't have to actually feel guilty about this purchase because the shoes were silver and that is the required color of shoe that I must commondere to wear with my bridesmaid dress. You see, I found a pair of silver shoes at Famous Footwear (I know, my butt just puckered typing that) that I wasn't too fond of, but at only $34 I couldn't pass them up! Figuring that I would only be wearing them for a couple of hours I rationalized that I didn't have to be a goddess of fashion and this was just too good of a deal to pass up....but then I found these Nordstrom Rack shoes...even cuter! A pair of Steve Madden silvery, sorta strappy sandalish pumps. And the icing on the cake...a mere $26!!! Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting When I get um, more smarter-er and stuff, I will figure out how to post pictures. A picture would be useful here. Anyway, point being Nordstrom Rack a mild success, though I am still defeated. It became clear to me this evening that I have about zero patience to put up with anymore shopping for BF. I quit. I tried my best to be a male fashion stylist, but ya know what...I'm too girl for this shit! I like pretty things, and sparkly things, and pink things...and I think I am just no good at picking out boy clothes.

I better get some serious lovin.

(And on a totally unrelated note, as I type this I am listening to the Doves album Lost Souls...Wow! its delicious.)

Don't Waste Your Time or Time Will Waste You

With the boyfriend out of town, I thought this would be the perfect weekend to indulge myself in some chick-ness, relax and spend some time alone without feeling guilty or missing out, finish up some projects that have been hanging over my head, sleep ridiculously late, and maybe go out with some friends I have not been the best at making time for as of late. I am finding, however, that apparently this list was far more ambitious that I initially thought because it is Sunday afternoon and I have done, let me see...yup--nothing on that list. Well, if you count the fact that I did almost finish the BBC version of Coupling on dvd that I rented last night as I was cooking myself dinner (which btw, I didn't even end up eating), then I guess I did do some chick indulging. But I think if you are watching girly shit while doing other chores though, it doesn't really count!

So what have I done, you ask? Well since said boy's trip did not begin until Saturday morning, I stayed there Friday night which just shot Saturday morning to bits because I didn't even end up home until almost 11. I spent the latter part of Saturday morning and early afternoon having serious conversations to avoid impending family drama this weekend at my cousin's wedding which was somewhat exhausting. This included one well-intended lecture from my Aunt Amy via cell phone (of course after asking me for directions to Arden Fair mall which is the real reason she called) telling me to swallow my pride and make up with my cousin, because 1 week after the wedding I won't really care that she has been periodically behaving like Bridezilla for the last at least 6-8 months and I shouldn't mess up my own memories of the wedding because I'm stubborn (which is probably sound advice), and one well-inedited white flag waving session with said cousin which then turned into a bullshitting fest because we had stuff to catch up on because we have been fighting for over a month. Actually, though tiring, I felt much better afterwards, which is promising. And even though I did do the proverbial pride swallowing thing etc, I am ultimately happy that my cousin and I are once again speaking, and hopefully we will be able to have a fun and celebretory weekend this coming fri, sat, and sun at her wedding and supporting festivities (rehearsal dinner, wedding, nightout after the reception, and sunday brunch)....All of this brings me to Saturday afternoon.

The boyfriend is lovely. The boyfriend looks good in clothes. The boyfriend despises shopping (this is something we do NOT have in common). He tells me Friday night that he is stressed because with the upcoming wedding has nothing to wear (this is something, oddly enought, that we DO have in common, as I find myself saying that ever so often, and I have not yet figured out WTF I am wearing to any event except the actual wedding). With a small inventory of his closet Saturday morning I realize that although "nothing" is not necessarily an accurate description of the situation, there is some work that needs to be done before we leave on Friday afternoon (T-minues 5 1/2 days and counting). With a list consisting of: darker washed jeans, a nice yet casual shirt befitting of a rehearsal dinner at a brewery (not as easy as it sounds folks!), and a new pair of casual shoes that do not qualify as athletic apparel---I send him off to have a manly weekend of drinking too much, eating too much, and gambling too much with his uncles in Lake Tahoe (and thank god because he sooooo deserves a little vacay!)

Well I'll be damned, but I have made the steadfast determination that shopping for boy is: a) not as fun as shopping for myself and b) not as easy when the boy is not there. I found myself Saturday afternoon in Nordstrom at the Rail making this very adorable but unfortunate sales guy try on shirts that no matter how cute they look, I'm most positive my fashion frugal boyfriend will not be able to justify the price. He isn't cheap by any means, but clothing is not necessarily the outlet he chooses when it comes to spending the cheddar. Knowing this, however, I still picked up a lovely shirt that, although out of his comfort zone, I though would look adorable on him. Frankly I bought it because I just couldn't bear to leave it at the store. I then rummaged through my friend's husbands closet and found 2 pairs of Prada jeans (TAGS STILL ATTACHED!!!) and a pair of nice dress pants. Not sure how the Prada jeans would fit, and realizing that they are a bit long and the thought of tailoring adding extra stress, I found some backup jeans at Banana Republic that fit the "darker, nicer, trouser style" I pictured in my head. Banana Repubic is wonderful, I wish I lived in their website. Its kind of like "The world of Ralph Lauren" I wanna live there playing polo and wearing wooly argyle, staying warm by the fire in the study...but that's an aside. Moving right along, I went home...POOPED. And with nothing at all for myself, I might add, except a $10 Brass Plum necklace that I may or may not use for my own Rehearsal dinner outfit...which by the way is still To Be Determined! (story for a later date).

It is wonder I had only enough energy to come home, remove heels immediately, change into a ridiculously comfy outfit, buy a few things at Safeway for my delicious dinner that I was planning to enjoy alone and on my couch while watching horrifying television that I would never admit to watching (ok ok, Laguna Beach re-runs, Hogan Knows Best, and maybe an episode of Iron Chef or two!) But after this day full of madness, I fall asleep before this dinner was even done baking. Thank God for oven timers or I might have slept all night on my couch while doing my part to start a house fire, which would have been AWESOME considering I don't have renter's insurance. Incidentally I was so tired that when it was done I just let it cool, didn't even taste it ,(though I must admit I indulged in a few spoonfuls of birthday cake ice cream while waiting for this to cool) wrapped it in saran wrap, and went to bed. WHEW!

Enter Sunday morning...Woken up by the sound of multiple text messages in a row (which by the way ranks right up there with my effing alarm clock) I realize that the weekend is now officially half over, and I have completed nothing from my wish list. I end up, however, back out shopping for boyfriend, 100% commited to the fashion to-do-list. My roommate and her man were heading out to Folsom to check out the Gap Outlet (since both of them are also sans outfit for this weekend's wedding) so I figured I would tag along, and maybe pick up some back up shirts for BF, since the one that I ultimately chose at Nordstrom looked wonderful on the sales guy (and surely even better on MY guy) but carried a $70 price tag that, as I alluded to earlier, might require a spoonful of sugar, if you know what I mean. The Gap outlet yielded 3 more shirts of varying styles and prints, and an outfit hand picked by roommate's BF that consisted of adorable pinstrip-ey pants, an undershirt (sure to be BFs favorite part) and a v-neck sweater that will look appropriately chic for an "occasion" dinner, though casual enough to be clothes he just "happened to have on". The upside: this outfit will not require the new pair of shoes which my initial list posessed (score!). The downside: the conservative preppy look might be a harder sell, is long sleeved (weather is supposed to be around 80 degrees), and the inseam on the pants I'm almost quite sure is about an inch too long. Must see on to determine if that 1 inch makes or breaks the outfit. So the dilemma now is-- do I go out and find a new pair of shoes just in case????

Pro New Shoe Shopping:
BF needs more casual shoes anyway- having a shoe wardrobe that consists of flip flops he won't wear in public, very fashionable Pumas (though the colors limit outfit combos), New Balance Sneakers, and mucho expensiv-o shoes that he wears to work, does not leave BF much wiggle room when it comes to casual yet dressy affairs. The stylishness of the New Balances goes unappreciated (ha ha) but the expensive shoes might be a little too nice, or he might "feel" a little too dressed up since he only wears them to work. Though I may not need to pick up a new paiir shoes now, I feel confidant that since this was not the first time BF has had this problem, it won't be the last time. And being the solution oriented chick I am, I'd like to just squash this issue, and make his fashion-life a little bit easier.

Con New Shoe Shopping:
What the hell do I know about men's quasi-casual shoes. Let me think for a minute...oh yeah that's right...NOTHING. I know what I think looks cute...but I don't know what he will and won't tolerate/wear. I don't want to pick something he hates and have him never wear them again, and I don't want him to feel uncomfortable. And shopping for shoes for someone who is pretty gosh darn picky is intimidating!!! Not to mention I haven't done shit for myself this weekend, and guess who still has to go back to work tomorrow morning and pretend this weekend was refreshing as ever. So, I'm torn.

I think I will just go to Nordstrom Rack. Check the selection, and see what tickles me. Or rather what might tickle him.

And in the laundry isn't even done! :)

September 06, 2006

Things You Might Not Know

1. When I watch Jeopardy! alone, I still feel compelled to shout out the answers.
2. I can't believe the lady in those Glade commercials has any friends.
3. By the time I was ten years old I was the height I am now. It wasn't until about 15 years later that I actually appreciated it.
4. I love reality television, but I totally draw the line at shows like Wife Swap, Beauty and the Geek, and pretty much any show about weddings. I do have some standards.
5. Even though I got my degree in English and loved it, I was really a much better math student. During Finals week almost every semester I would tell myself that next semester I would take a Calculus class-- damnit! -- just for fun. At least in Calculus there were 'right' and 'wrong' answers. I never did though.
6. Latin is one of the best classes I have ever taken. If Math was a language, it would be Latin -- it's lovely that way. Structuring sentences was so much fun! When I discovered that in college -- that there was a class for dorks who love Math but also really, really love words -- I realized I was probably in the wrong major. But at that point it was a little too late.
7. I have an irrational fear of flying that I really didn't develop until my mid-20s. I flew a lot as a teen and never had a problem, and now -- holy hell, I white knuckle it and breathe shallow the whole time. I'm seriously considering medication this summer when we go to Hawaii.
8. Speaking of Hawaii, I have never been. I know! It's a travesty. My parents lived there for years before they were married, vacationed there, and as a child I was told "Hawaii is where you were conceived." (Um Gross, btw. Luckily as a kid I didn't really get it.) My parents always said they would take me when I turned ten. You can see how that turned out.
9. I was born on Saturday October 14th. Had my mother not stopped to iron her outfit and vaccuum the house after her water broke, I may have been born on Friday the 13th. My parents were living in Michigan because my father was playing football for the Detroit Lions. Because of that I make my squishy, fat TV debut (seriously, I looked like a Sumo Wrestler)during the annual Detroit Lions Thanksgiving game of 1978 -- this is the first time my California family saw me.
10. Growing up my Aunt and Uncle had a German Shepherd named Butch, of whom I was very fond. One day when I'm about 3 while he is enjoying his food in the garage I decided he should play with me. Instead of waiting for him to finish his lunch, I kick him, you know just to let him know who's boss around here. He calmly picked me up by my head and transported me to the other side of the garage and went back to enjoying his kibbles and bits. It proves my first experience in the hospital and as I roll into the ER squirming, the hospital staff puts me into a strait jacket and sutures my head under a local anisthetic. I watch the doctor the whole time and it looks like he is using a needle and thread. Despite that fact that my grandmother hand sewed outfits for me and my dolls growing up, sewing is a hobby that I never really take to.
11. I met Garrett at work, and despite the fact that he was very nice to me, I didn't really like him. I used to be very prone to snap judgments. I vividly remember sitting out in front of Peet's telling my girlfriend (who was interested in him at the time) that she should under NO CIRCUMSTANCES date him. I can be a real idiot sometimes.
12. Wwe actually started dating, I knew almost immediately that he was the man I was going to marry. He's like no one else I know, and we are absolutely perfect compliments to each other. I almost can't remember what life was like without him.
13. My mother has always hated fish, and as such never cooked it growing up. I always just assumed I hated it until I was about 25 and someone dared me, as a very vocal fish-hater, to eat sushi. As a sidebar, don't ever dare me to do anything. I don't have the power to resist. Anyway, it was love at first bite! I can't believe I spent a large portion of my life hating seafood when now it is pretty much my favorite food group -- raw, cooked, dead, alive -- whatever, I'll enjoy it! My mom is understandably disappointed.
14. My cousin Kelly is just about the only person who can make me laugh so hard I can't breathe.
15. As a child we never had cable and on the weekends my parents always talked me into playing educational games like "Hey, let's play learn new vocabulary words" or "Hey, let's memorize the capitals of foreign countries." What a rip-off, right? I like to thank them as an adult for doing their part to prep me so I am able to be the reason that my team wins porn at Pub Trivia.
16. I am physically unable to stomach movies starring Wesley Snipes.
17. I am an only child and an only grandchild on one side of my family. This means my grandparents have volumes of audio tapes (yes, AUDIO TAPES) of me drinking water. I was NOT starved for attention as a child.
18. After two years at Cal Poly I needed to take a break from college. I couldn't put my finger on it, but I just knew I needed to do something different and I thought dropping out of school to figure it out seemed like a fantastic idea. You can imagine my parents were not pleased with that stellar explanation, but luckily they obliged and let me move home . To this day I am so grateful for their trust in my intuition, becase two months later my father had a heart attack and died in our home.
19. It bums me out that Garrett will never know my father. In some ways, they are so similar. My dad could have used another dude on his team. He grew up with a single mother and three sisters, then married my mom and had a daughter. Although he spent years of his life as a professional athlete and was incredibly masculine, he had an almost instinctual understanding of women.
20. After my father passed away I needed a change and decided I should move to Los Angeles. Why? Well, um...heck...why not? It looked interesting on TV. Some of the best years of my life were spent living in LA. They were certainly tough in the emotional aftermath of losing my father and not really knowing anyone, but I have never felt more independent. I carved out my own spot there, made life long friends, and have more crazy memories than I know what to do with. I'm nostalgic for that time, but holy hell I would never move back there. THE PARKING! THE TRAFFIC! THE FAKENESS! It's comical. But it was amazing at the time.
21. When I moved up to Sacramento, I didn't know a soul. I rented a room in a 5 bedroom house full of girls going to Sac State and it was there I met my friend Sarah who would be my roommate for the next six years. SIX YEARS. Oh my god, who lives with the same person for six years? When she moved down south 4 months ago, it hit me harder than I expected. I'm so lucky to have had such a great experience with her and to have her in my life.
22. Two years after my dad died I saw a psychic on a whim, just to see what would happen. This psychic immediately said she felt a presence in the room that was paternal (I had not told her of my father's passing) and then proceeded to repeat an entire conversation that my father and I had had years earlier about rollerblades. (Rollerblades? Who knew they held such psychic relevance). Ever since that day, whoa, am I a believer. And also, I'm not gonna lie, a little freaked out about rollerblades.
23. I can recite just about every word in Reality Bites. When I first saw that movie, I had no idea how accurately it actually captured the post-collegiate experience of your early 20s.
24. I spent the first 25 years of my life having no idea how to cook. I mean literally being stumped by the idea boiling water. After one too many meals of pasta-roni one night I flipped out and decided that I could not spend another day eating food that came from a box. So I bought some cookbooks and decided it was about time to FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT. And I did. And at the risk of sounding all irritating and braggy, I'm a fantastic cook now. I honestly think that ability is more about attitude and perserverance than it is about natural talent. Jesus that sounds like it should be a tag-line right below some jerk scaling the side of a mountain or something. GOD! But it's true, dude, I swear.
25. I'm wordy.

Celebrity Parents Should Just Give Up

Dearest Dina,

Lindsay Lohan is idiot. And frankly, she is idiot spawn, so its really difficult to even blame her.

I read the article about the letter that the studio exec sent her the other day and I thought to myself...Wow, Lindsay Lohan is a total fuck up. She is getting paid millions of dollars to show up and look beautiful (which I will give her, she does nicely) and she can't even handle doing that. She is too busy being hungover, or still high, or still walking funny, or whatever, after wild nights out with her hotel-heir boyfriend, or lounging at their Malibu beach pad. I get it. Life is rough. But c'mon she should still be able to get to work on time. She doesn't have to stop at the bank to cash her welfare check on the way to work while riding the I don't know what the heck could be keeping her from showing up at like 9 or 10 am to a beach front set fully catered with fabulous craft services...since I'm pretty sure her Mercedes works just fine. (Well, then again it might be in the shop because another dangerous papparazzo hit it, but then I'm guessing she could probably borrow Harry Morton's Rover, or one of the many Benzos that she has purchased for your mooch ass).

So then I read, and saw you come out and say that the studio exec is a BIG MEANIE! How can he say such harsh words to your baby...she's just a little girl. Interesting word choice. I think just a few weeks ago we were all watching you "little girl" leave her teen years behind, celebrate her 20th birthday drinking champagne on a yacht, and oh yeah...give head to some random guy in a fucking rowboat. Mrs. Lohan (it is Mrs, right? I mean technically you are still married to that imprisoned drug addict right??) I hate to say it, but your little baby bumpkin is hittin the skids...I mean little girl she's not. She's definitely going to NEED botox in the next 5 years or else the years of 24-7 tanning booths might start rearing their ugly needless to say I think "little girl" is not the set of words that anyone with any brains might choose to use while describing her.

Oh wait, but on top of all that ridiculousness, your pathetic excuse making goes even further. Not only is your little baby a classy hard worker, but she was "stricken with exhaustion, and dehydrated." Oooooooooooooooooh, is that all???? Well maybe she should get some effing sleep and drink some water. And while she's at it, maybe we can wrap her up in her blankie and burp her after every meal at Koi. PUHLEEZ!!! Lindsay has now been hospitalized for "exhaustion or dehydration" at least 3 times that my good friends at UsWeekly have informed me of, and at only the tender age of 20??? What next? Why don't you just admit that your "little girl" has been doing some crank heavy-E, and she is just too busy grinding her teeth on set to ask for a glass of Evian? What are you going to tell everyone when she gets send off to Promises Malibu for dippin a little too heavy into the nose candy? That she's going to fat camp??? Well at least that one will be believable!!! Instead of being honest, we have to hear you re-hash the tragedy of "bronchial asthma" OVER AND OVER....thanks Dina, we get it. But frankly, I'm just sick of it. Sick of hearing the remedial spin-doctoring that your little pea sized, post-Rockette fame, celebri-mom brain can come up with for explaining away why your daughter is a ho.

Yes that's right, your daughter is a ho! And frankly, a waste of oxygen...and we all know that clean air is a precious commodity in smog stricken LA. I suggesst suicide. But then, hey--to each his own.

Warmest Regards!


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