September 18, 2006

Wedding Potential

Don't Panic. I'm not tying the knot.

And for the record, the mere mention of weddings doesn't generally make me all googly and bust out my scrapbook filled with dresses, and flowers, and cakes I hope to see in my future once Mr. Right hides that giant rock in my champagne glass. But seeing as I just spent my entire last weekend at my cousin's wedding in Chico, and I'm going to be spending this coming weekend in Redding at my friend Lisa's wedding, I think it is normal that the idea of wedded bliss has been something I've been kicking around...Probably not in the way you might think though.

Now don't get me wrong--I can be totally girly. Last summer I attended a wedding with a friend of mine where I was just "the date". I didn't know these people, their memories were not my memories, and their futures had absolutely no bearing on mine. But I still cried like a baby when the gorgeous bride walked down the aisle and was given away to her betrothed. And when the drunk maid of honor got up and made her speech--I most definitely wiped away a tear or two. Was I actually feeling great emotion because of the intensity of the relationships present? Heck no! I mean I didn't know a soul there. That emotion was genuine though. I was 100% touched by this lovely IDEA.

The whole process got me thinking about how sometimes I think that we all fall prey to loving the idea of things more than the actual things themselves. I mean, what is the purpose of a wedding? The pat answer is of course to declare your undying love for your lover, partner, or S.O. that you've most likely been shacking up with, in front of your friends and family, right? Often times, however, it ends up being a mess of bridezillas, corking fees, catering conflicts, and bitchy bridesmaids. And for a second, I was thinking how much that sucks. But then I realized, sometimes things get a little messy when you are trying to obtain the ideal, and who am I to criticize that? I mean I love the imaginary, the fantasy, the prospective. (English Major Dork remember???) I love "how I hope it will be" and "how it might end up" in any situation. I love potential...THAT is what makes me googly...and I've decided that a thinking person can, and frankly should, find something to get all googly over. And who cares if that's cliche!!!

It's like autumn. I LOVE autumn. LOVE IT! Anyone who has been around me the last couple of weeks as the weather has cooled will testify to the fact that every breeze that has blown with even the most minute force has started me on an oration on the many joys of the fall. But I'm not even sure I really do love the fall. I think I just love the potential of fall. I love the idea of the leaves changing, because I love the thought of nature rejuvinating (even though I HATE leaves blowing everywhere, and kill me before you make me pick up a rake!). I love the smells of apples and cinnamon, because I love the idea of freshly baked homemade treats (but me+ a kitchen + baking supplies = a recipe for DISASTER). I love the crispness in the autumnal air (even though everyone that knows me knows how much I HATE being cold). I love the comforts of a wooly sweater (even though my skins is sensitive, wet wool is itchy, and HELLO! Fall is um...a bit damp). I love snuggling under down blankets (ok ok, there's absolutely nothing I don't love about that!). But even if a lot of these things are just ideas, is it so bad to fantasize???

All these romanticized notions of everything in life-- picture perfect weddings, crisp fall days, simple lives where the complications of "the real world" don't get to you--they are unattainable. This is no surprise. We all know the wedding photographer is going to be late, I will undoubtebly get caught in the rain in my sweater (double itch), and yard work is still going to have to be done, and the bills are still going to need to be paid. All of those things are GOING to happen, so there's definitely that pessimistic part of me that is committed to reason and knows that things need to be dealt with, life is long, and there's not too much I can do about it. But you know what-- that's depressing-- and who wants to walk around thinking about that??? I'm definitely realistic enough to forget about trying to make things in life perfect. Screw living up to a greeting card fantasy kind of life. But you know what, screw the extreme reality of it all too! There has to be a happy medium. When it comes right down to it and the world of reality tries to threaten my mood, --I'll just think of something warm and fuzzy--and you know what, I'll be happy in that moment.

Optimism is totally underrated.

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