You had me at Aloha...

It's been a fantastic few days in this little piece of Paradise. We spend our mornings drinking coffee and listening to the waves crash and our evenings sipping cocktails and listening the waves crash, and I can't think of a better way to bookend the day.



Speaking of bookends and reading, I've poured through two memoirs since being here and I can't think of anything more decadent than boatloads of spare time to read and nap and write when the inspiration hits. We've grilled up some fantastic meals (YUM! Chinese Chicken Salad), and honestly, we have yet to venture out of our lanai to dine. We plan to hit up the Maui farmer's market later this week to find some other local ingredients to experiment with, but don't you worry we're also planning to grub on some sushi (Sansei, Sarah, for sure!), some lava flows at the Hula Grill (Hi Gina!), and of course some HULA PIE (Kelly and Gee, we may even call you when we sit down)...so we will certainly get around to eating out on of these days.



Yesterday was by far the fullest day of adventure we've had and we crawled into bed last night absolutely exhausted from a day full of sun, sand, snorkeling, exploring, and a late evening swim. It was one of those nights where you lay down feeling salty and sunkissed and even though you can't stop smiling, you also CAN'T. KEEP. EYES. OPEN. ANY. LONGER---ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.

We got up early for snorkel practice in the pool and a swim right here on Sugar Beach, and then in the afternoon hit up a little cove near Makena beach to put our snorkeling skills to the test. Being a scuba diver, Garrett didn't really have his skills in question, but since I had been flailing in the condo pool earlier that morning trying to figure out how to morph into a dirty mouth breather (haha), I was definitely looking for an opportunity to prove myself. As soon as we picked a spot to jump in, a sea turtle came over to greet us, and we dove in to see what other mysteries lurked below the surface.



In a few words, it was beautiful. And Garrett assured me that was nothing compared to what we will continue to see.

Since my skills increased slightly, I definitely felt ready for our trip to Molokini later this week. After swimming in the cove for a while we headed up to the lava rock surrounding it and busted out the picnic lunch that we had packed. With the waves crashing around us we grubbed on sandwiches and soaked up the sun while enjoying all the beautiful scenery.



Of course, leaving a few moments to ham it up for the camera. Trust me, I know, face masks are a GREAT look for me. haha



We headed back that afternoon to barbecue and relax by the pool and honestly, we could not have had a better day. As I drifted off to sleep last night to the sounds of the ocean, I thought to myself, "I can't believe we get to get up and do it all over again tomorrow."

The Surreal Life

So I'm currently sitting in a terminal in LAX across from Adrian Pasdar and Milo Ventimiglia from Heroes. (And for the record, they are not doing that weird man embrace like in the picture, but strangely enough they are wearing suits.)

I'm amused that I can be in an airport and yet also blogging about this as I keep making sporadic eye contact with them (You know, in between all the text messages that I'm sending EVERYONE I KNOW WHO MIGHT THINK IT'S INTERESTING). It's so cyber-meta. Ah, technology! So wonderful! So creepy!

I actually would not have even noticed them at all because they are rather diminutive figures, which in my experience is always the way it is with celebs, but as I was making my way up to the LAX Security Line there were a ton of paparazzi stalking away with all of their flashbulbs. It wasn't even a huge group but I thought to myself gee, that must get so old. Can you imagine? One camera guy had even gone through security and gotten upstairs into to the carry-on scanning area (Great job, TSA). I wondered to myself if he had bought a ticket just to get up there and get a shot, or if he actually had a plane to catch and this was just a coincidence? What a bizarre lifestyle when you think about it. And one of the photogs was a girl just like me -- in her 30's, smartly dressed, looking like she just got off work at her office job.

LA is a surreal place sometime.

When I first walked into to the Southwest terminal it was like 90 degrees inside and of course I was juggling a suitcase, a giant purse, and a carryon and my sunglasses kept falling off my head and I really had to pee. It was starting to get so hot that I thought my face must be glowing, so I basically dropped everything, peeled off my jacket, and started to fan myself with my boarding pass (Operation Cool Down, by the way? TOTAL FAIL. Confidential to LAX: It's 79 degrees outside. The heat inside? It isn't doing anyone any favors). What I'm trying to tell you is that in that exact moment, I was so graceful and put together you could have called me Posh Fucking Spice. In fact, you should have called me that because I'm sure I also looked slightly anorexic, incredibly tan, and with perfectly coiffed hair (as usual).

So anyway, it occurred to me right then in that moment of absolute glamor, that I am so grateful that I have the luxury to be my giant mess of a self in anonymity. Did any of you catch that Britney Spears documentary (excuse me, "documentary") on MTV the other night? What a shitshow, right? Her photog situation is unreal! I feel sorry for those having to live under a microscope. I know everyone says "Bah! They're rich, that's what you sign up for." But honestly, is it worth it for millions of dollars to have your every move documented?

I'm gonna say no thanks. I mean, it never stops! If it's not the paparrazi being all flash-bulby and annoying, then it's some random Sacramento girl blogging about how you are wearing a suit while eating McDonald's french fries-- LIKE IT IS ACTUALLY NEWSWORTHY -- all while she stares at you coyly across an airline terminal secretly wanting to know if Hayden Panettiere is as stumpy and weird looking in real life?

Surreal, I say. Surreal.

Hmmm...I hope he's not reading this

So this is the Valentine I bought for Garrett a couple of days ago from here and I'm still laughing about it. We aren't very traditionally mushy, buying each other lavish gifts and indulging in wine and roses or any of that business, but because it is one of my favorite holidays we always celebrate sort of untraditionally.

I thought this card said "I Love You" in a very current, yet untraditional way, no?

I'd assume you were laughing with me -- but I'm not actually laughing

Can you believe it? We all survived!

Boy this weekend's sure storm caused quite the stir up here in these parts. With pounding rain and 70 mph winds you would have thought a hurricaine was about to hit Friday afternoon with the way everyone was acting. The thing is then you would have realized that you live in Sacramento and a hurricaine is like practically impossible. Then you would have gone on to realize that the ocean is like practically in a different time zone. Do you hear that muffled laughter? That is the East Coast laughing at you like a gaggle of junior high girls.

With dramatic flair worthy of an Oscar, my office closed down at 2pm on Friday afternoon due to "Extreme Weather Conditions." It felt like a glorified fire drill and even though it was like Grand Theft Auto getting home, I certainly didn't let a little rain get in the way of enjoying those extra few hours off. I headed straight the the store and bought all the fixins to have a serious soup party (dude, I bought 7 quarts of Chicken Stock -- who does that?) plus a handy dandy duraflame and I was pretty much set. I ended up making a bitchin Roasted Potato and Fennel Soup and some homemade parmesan croutons and spent the evening hanging with Garrett polishing off a bottle of Zinfandel. I'm not gonna lie, if this is what Extreme Weather is all about, I may just be destined to head East.

Saturday morning, on the other hand, was less than stellar. With a little bit of sun peaking through the clouds Garrett and I hedged our bets and headed out to Placerville to pick up our wine club selections at Lava Cap. Yeah, we're pretty much Last-Minute-Larrys and this weekend was the last weekend you could pick up your case of wine, otherwise you would be relegated to shipping and handling hell. (Basically what I'm telling you here is we're cheap, and we would rather risk life and limb in a storm than pay shipping and handling. Wanna be our friends?)

So we drive all the way out there and the whole winery was like deadsville. I mean seriously I think I saw a tumbleweed blow by as I was reading the 'Closed' sign, which by the way was hanging suspiciously close to another sign proclaiming "Only closed on Easter, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year's." (Um...Dear Lava Cap, Last Saturday was none of those holidays, so you can take your shipping and your handling and your signature of a 21 year old with an ID in the middle of a Wednesday afternoon and SUCK IT! Have a nice day. XOXO Holly) Bet hedging not really working out for us, we got a taste of Mother Nature's wrath on the drive home and we didn't even have wine to show for it. HUMPH!

What we did have, however, was excitement in the form of an audio book! AN AUDIO BOOK! I mean could you just die? Who, under 80, listens to audio books? Oh, hang on for a sec, let me put down my LARGE PRINT copy of North and South and just adjust my pocket protector real quick. But seriously, can I just tell you for a minute how audio books are right about to change my life? As someone who is trying to maximize their reading time this year, it is so damn efficient to be reading one book, while simultaneously listening to another book in the car while commuting, running errands, trying to avoid shipping and handling-- I mean whatever tickles your fancy, really -- IT IS SO EFFICIENT! I can't tell you how much I'm loving it. On Saturday our fancy happened to be tickled by Anthony Bourdain's Kitchen Confidential which I highly recommend even though he's kind of -- oh, how do I put it? -- a brash asshole. This may or may not be up your alley, but if you have any interest in food or cooking or drugs or sex or catering(?) it really is quite an entertaining read/(listen?). It actually made the sting of Mother Nature's wrath a little more bearable Saturday afternoon.

Oh, and while we're discussing what a nerd I am, can I tell you what I did on Saturday night? Well after a delicious dinner with Garrett's parents, the two of us headed over to Matt and Lisa's where we played Guitar Hero III -- for almost seven hours. SEVEN HOURS. I want you to let that sink in for a minute. Don't worry, I'll wait. Yeah, actually now that I think about it, let's just keep that between you and me, internet, k? In my defense, it was with some fun friends who are equally as cool (hint: nerdy) as us and the most delicious quesadillas on the planet, but can I tell you what the worst part about it was? When I woke up this morning -- I WAS SORE!

What has my life come to?

On second thought, don't answer that.

The Devil is in the Details: A Photo Essay

Before we get started, I feel obligated to state that I do not think I am the most fashionable person on the planet. In fact, I am quite sure I would be laughed right out of Rachel Zoe's office due to the fact that just about my entire wardrobe consists of cheap and easily mixable pieces -- namely GAP favorite tees, jeans, and sometimes the occasional colorful item from oh, I don't know Target. For the record though, most of the time I think I look relatively put together and it has mainly to do with how I accessorize my bare bones wardrobe. In my humble opinion, the quickest and easiest way to spice up any plain jane ensemble is in the details, and the following are some tactics I employ on a regular basis. For Example:

1. Heels

I double dog dare to you to wear heels and not feel pretty. Okay so if you have a hard time walking in them and fall on your face, you may not feel so pretty -- That one I'll give you. But seriously it only takes a little practice, start with a kitten heel and move up from there and you will immediately have a foolproof way of making even jeans and a t shirt look classy.

2. Cute Flats

Because hammer toes ARE NOT sexy. Wanting to feel pretty and spending everyday in heels is like wanting to look young and laying in a tanning bed on your lunch hour. No bueno in the long run, ya know? But that doesn't mean you can't rock the flats, or quite frankly your creamsicle complexion -- the world has no shortage of leather faced girls! Cute, flat shoes can add some sugar and spice to even the simplest attire.

3. Flip Flops

Oops! Wait, scratch that. I'm pretty sure flip flops never "make" the outfit, but who doesn't love them? What did I ever do before Old Navy and their Rainbow Brite wall of $3 flip flops?

4. Baubles

Haha! I just like that word. I don't actually have any, really, but I do like a big fun necklace every once in a while. If nothing else, 9 times out of 10 they are a great conversation piece, and nobody notices that underneath it is that plain black favorite tee again.

5. Scarves!

Silk scarves, wool scarves, it doesn't really matter. They are all absolutely fabulous and worthy of wear whenever you have a chance. I love to tie them on my neck, on my purse, on my head -- the possibilities are kind of endless, no?

And last but not least, if nothing else works and you must call in for reinforcement, you should always have an option or two for going incognito:



It beats wearing a paper bag over your head, right?

You could always just say you feel sick...

I am constantly trying to talk to Garrett about the idea that language itself is a barrier when it comes to the way that all people communicate. Isn't that such a fascinating idea? I mean, what you say to me, may not be what you actually mean, and how I interpret it can be affected by the words you choose? HUH! That is such a fascinating idea to me! But I guess I sort of wore out my welcome philosophising about it, because now when I go off on a little tangents to Garrett, he gives me a cute smile and nod and says, "yeah, yeah, babe, I know. Its the 'barrier of language'." (In his defense, I practice my own smile and nod when he talks to me about the Fed).

Most of the time I'm pretty sure he thinks that my fascination with Structuralist philosophies and linguistics are totally over the top, and in all honesty I will be the first to admit that the amount of Saussure and Derrida that I have happily devoured while laying on my bed is not your mama's Danielle Steel -- but I can't help it -- I am fascinated by the ideas of how we derive meaning from language.

Now before you go thinking that I am a pompous idiot, and assume I am trying to spit you some amateur philosophy, let me assure you first that I don't spit (ew! gross!) and second that is totally not the point of this post. I mean, I read books with Hot Pink Covers all the time, and happily admit to doing so, so that should eliminate any smugness right there. Actually, the point of this post is that when you spend alot of time thinking about words, aside from really obliterating the possibility of having a normal social life, you can also have ALOT of fun! YAY! FUN! Repeat after me -- words are fun! Ok nevermind, I guess I'm just going to do my part to cliffs notes a little funny and common word slaughter (Ok, somebody call the dork police...it's getting dire in here).

For instance:

Did you know that the word nauseous is an adjective?
[adjective: a word describing a person, place, or thing (commonly know as a noun)].
Yes, that's right, NAUSEOUS is a descriptive word that means "causing nausea".

On the other hand, did you know that the word nauseated is a verb? [verb: a word expressing action or occurence] And when used without an object (don't worry about that part, I won't even elaborate), it means "to become affected with nausea".

So what does all this grammatic inundation mean to you, you say?
Well, its simple really. Anytime you say "I feel so nauseous right now" you are inadvertantly letting your conversational partner know that you are currently causing nausea. That's right, you are saying that YOU are making other people sick. Instead, my word obsession and I are going to suggest saying "I feel so nauseated right now," because this more clearly communicates the fact that you have become affected by a sick feeling.

Now, does anyone care about this besides myself and of course my dear friend Sarah (hi Sarah!) who has chatted with me about this fact on numerous occasions? Probably not. But I'm putting it out there for what it's worth, and to also give you the same smug chuckle that I get when I hear someone misusing it.

That's right, the next time your annoying co-worker (you know, the one who is always feigning illness and begging for sympathy or just being lazy) tells you they are "really nauseous" you can look at them empathetically and say "WOW, YOU REALLY ARE!"

You Are What You Drink

I know, I know -- I'm an ass! :) You thought it was funny for a second though, right???

Word Nerd

I want this shirt sooooooooooo bad it hurts.

13 Questions any junior high gal would ask...

I've had a long day at work and I've been saving this little 13 question douchebag myspace style game to play with your iPOD until exactly the right headspace. The instructions say to hit the shuffle and answer the next 13 questions...so I did. Some were HYSTERICAL:


1. What do you think of me, little iPod?
Paranoid Android, Radiohead

yeah, well who asked you???

2. Will I have a happy life?
To Live and Die in LA, 2Pac

Hmm...I did live in LA. Does that mean I will die there, or perhaps in a Vegas shoot out?

3. What do my friends really think of me?
It's Not Up to You, Bjork

How the heck do you know its not up to me?

4. What does my significant other think of me?
Nothing Wrong, Jimmy Eat World

HA! I'm happy to see that one, and its ironic knowing how Garrett feels about Jimmy Eat World...

5. Do people secretly lust after me?
Gone, Jack Johnson

ahem, clearly my iPod doesn't know that I've STILL got IT. Maybe it just didn't get the memo.

6. How can I make myself happy?
Miner's Prayer, Dwight Yoakam

I have Dwight Yoakam on my iPod?

7. What should I do with my life?
Just, Radiohead

Just? Just what, Radiohead?

8. Why must life be so full of pain?
Merry Muthafuckin' Christmas, Easy-E

...uh, and a happy new year?

9. How can I maximize my pleasure during sex?
Sulk, Radiohead

I'm not kidding. I don't think this will work, actually.

10. Can you give me some advice?
Touch the Sky, Kaney West

Thanks, bro.

11. What do you think happiness is?
You Be Illin', Run DMC

Me and ill of any sort does not equal happiness.

12. Do you have any advice to give over the next few hours/days?
Let Me Kiss You, Morrissey

"There's a place in the sun for anyone who has a will..." Aw, I like that song

13. Will I die happy?
It's a Hit, Rilo Kiley

Yes or No, iPod. Yes. Or. No.

I'm really glad there was no #14, since the fourteenth song was Bombs Over Baghdad, by Outkast. Hmm...anyway, I don't feel any more enlightened, although now my penchant for nerdy surveys/tests is on display so everyone can see. Awesome.

If you ask me...that's a bargain!

At $2,119,600.00 it looks like selling my soul really will be the quickest and most efficient way to pay off my student loans and buy a home in California.

How much are you worth?

Punctuation Nerds, UNITE!

Ever since I rejected the cliched Dilbert calendar and purchased my Eats, Shoots & Leaves desk calendar for my cubicle, I have been treated to daily dose of commentary on punctuation. Yep, I pretty much love it! Here is today's entry in riddle form, which I was just tickled by:

Every Lady in this Land
Hath 20 Nails on each Hand;
Five & Twenty on Hands and Feet;
And this is true, without deceit.

(Every lady in this land has twenty nails. On each hand, five; and twenty on hands and feet.)

xo,
Your nerdliness

How to Annoy Me...A User's Guide

So I'm hoping that I'm out of the woods with this rummy haze I've been in
for the past two weeks. With some holiday extravaganzas happening and
a bout with a nasty cold that just refuses to go away, I've been waiting
patiently for some clarity of mind to return so I could post something
incredibly witty and useful, but I'm pretty sure that's not going to happen.
Frankly, I'm overly crabby. Though I've secretly always wanted to have a really bad cold just so I can test the medicinal acuity of only whiskey and sleep -- right now I am very over still being sick -- and when I'm feeling sorry for myself for being sick, everything starts pissing me off it seems.

For example:

1. Why do people mistake the word Bravado for Brave. Just because you
add an -ADO onto the end of a word, does not make it more fancy. It actually does what I like to call, CHANGES THE MEANING YOU IDIOT! And just because something almost sounds like something else...doesn't mean it is something else. Isn't this like one of those things we learned in Kindergarten?

2. Why do people assume when they have any kind of sore throat that they have strep throat? For the record, strep throat is a very specific virus, which you must be tested for to confirm. Just because you wake up in the morning and your throat hurts a little and it happens to be Winter, DOESN'T MEAN YOU HAVE STREP!!!!!! These are the same stupid people who think you get a cold from it "being" cold. Once again, I know they sound similar, but they are NOT THE SAME.

3. Piggy backing on that -- Attention people with headaches: just because
you are incredibly put out when your head hurts "really bad" does not mean you have a migraine. Migraines, as well, are a very specific type of headache. Unless you have a license to practice medicine or you ate a brain tumor for breakfast, I'm pretty sure you probably don't have one, and I'm definitely sure you can't diagnose it. So don't. There are lots of people to whom you can pay exorbitant amounts of money to do that for you...and there are even more people you can pay exorbitant amounts of money to create little pills you can take for it. And by "it", I mean the stupidity that's being cultivated in your brain that is clearly causing it to hurt!

4. Why does anyone in their right mind re-heat any sort of exceptionally
spicy, fishy, meaty (read: stinky) food in a confined space? Does that make any sense? Maybe fish head stew, or oxtail casserole, or plates of quivering beef taste good to you -- and that's fine. I'm very proud of you, and not knocking your taste in cuisine. But if the smell makes me want to vomit, then I'm pretty sure it might make a few other people want to vomit as well, and might I remind you, we are in a confined space, and vomiting is not what we're trying to do here, remember?

5. And while I'm at it -- Who hell carts their dogs around in a BABY STROLLER? Why is Paris Hilton famous? And why can't Britney cover up her lady parts?


Some days I think I just should have stayed in bed.

Current Obsession

Take that those who say I'm not tech-saavy! Ok I'm not, but I did figure out how to put pictures on here all by myself. Yes, that's right, I figured out how to post a picture of a dutch oven on my blog site because I'm currently obsessed with it. Don't you say my life isn't crazy!