Smooth Is The New Skinny?

I basically hate Rob Thomas of Matchbox 20 and, poor thing, it isn’t even his fault.  I actually blame it all on Santana and that god awful song "Smooth" that was officially 1999’s Most Overplayed Hit. If you just had to click on that link to remind yourself of the song I am talking about, know that I am envious of your ignorance. 

Fun Fact:  I just fell down a Rob Thomas rabbit hole and found out that he originally wanted George Michael to collaborate with Santana on that song (Thomas originally wrote it for someone else)  and man if I don't feel like I just dodged a bullet since I probably would have grown to hate George Michael too!  Then instead of throwing away all of my Matchbox 20 albums what if I had thrown out all my Wham! Records?  OHMYGAWD, a world without Wham! is not a world I want to live in.

(Collective sigh of relief for a minute.  Wham! Rap FOREVER. )

So all the Rob Thomas talk is because I heard "Smooth" this afternoon and not only did I NOT feel even one iota of rage, but I listened to it all the way through!  I KNOW.  Are you dead from shock?  Don't Die! Come back to me!  Please?  Because I am about to tie this into weight loss and cross-dressing, and that is fucking impressive I think.  Besides, what else are you going to do right now?  Fall down a Rob Thomas rabbit hole?  I Do Not Recommend. 

So I didn’t turn the station because it reminded me of a text message I once got from my cousin Kelly when her in laws came to visit.  They were driving up from LA one weekend and upon their arrival Kelly sent me a text that said:  OMG, my father in law just rolled into my driveway in a shiny new mini-van blaring Rob Thomas and Santana’s “Smooth.”  And this struck me as so hilarious in that moment.  I mean, right now, I want you imagine your in-laws rolling up in your driveway in a brand new shiny minvan bumping Rob Thomas and Santana? Or bumping anything for that matter IN A MINIVAN?  I dare you not to laugh.  And when that song came on today I had a little perspective shift.  Instead of having PTSD flashbacks to 1999 as per usual, I thought of Kelly’s awesome Father-in-Law and his (obvs) awesome mini-van and enjoyed the entire song. 

Perspective shifts are magical!  Like Unicorns!

And speaking of laughing hysterically and perspective shifts, two people called me skinny at work today.  This has happened with an increasing frequency over the last few weeks and I drop dead of shock Every. Single. Time.  Mostly because the truth is, whether I have lost weight or not, I could still give the majority of NFL Linemen a run for their money if we were standing on scales next to each other.  I definitely do not associate the word skinny with myself.  I am not even close to my goal weight, and at 5’10 and NOT of tiny bone structure, I'm not afraid to tell you that my goal weight is somewhere around 175lbs. I KNOW!  That probably makes some of YOU want to drop dead of shock.  But here’s the thing, at 175lbs I will look strong and hot as hell, so don't die!  Get out your smelling salts one more time and come back to me, would ya?  Pretty please? 

(Boy all of this dropping dead is getting a little exhausting, but I have to admit a part of me just died inside just telling you about my goal weight in like, actual numbers.  But we're all friends here, right internet?  So why shouldn't I let you in on that goal!  175lbs it is!) 

So this other thing that I wanted to let you in on?  Was how I made Garrett try on women’s clothing the other night.  I know *kinky* right?  Speaking of dropping dead, Garrett just dropped dead of embarrasment because I told THE INTERNET that he wears women’s clothes.  All of his fears that his girlfriend is a blogger without boundaries have come true. MWAHAHAHAHA. 

Seriously though, it was only jeans, and I made him do it out of sheer curiosity that I promise to explain.  He is a good sport, that Garrett, that’s why I keep him around (see also: The Cuteness.) He goes along with these flights of fancy that I have and doesn’t even really look at me funny anymore when I write about it on the internet.  Can you believe I never even put that on my wish list of Character Traits In My Dream Man?  Single ladies, this trait is underrated.  Add this to your lists immediately.  It is worth its weight in entertainment value alone. 

So I made him try on women’s jeans not because I am crazy/kinky/cool, but because we were hanging out with my family the other night and everyone kept telling him how skinny he was and how he is going to waste away to nothing and OMG DO YOU EAT?  THE HORROR.  Yes, he has lost some weight.  Actually over 10% of his body fat since we started CrossFit and went Paleo, and now at 5’11 he weighs in at just about 175 lbs.   And, whoa whoa, wait a second -- that number sounds familiar doesn’t it? 

That is THE number. Only, you know he's a boy.  So of course I made him try on a bunch of different jeans to figure out what size he would be in women’s clothing.  And guess what?  HE FITS INTO A SIZE 12.  I mean what a freakin' waif.  You better watch yourself, Kate Moss. 

No one can get over how svelte he looks, but you know if he was a woman, he would technically be a Plus Sized Model and most brands of “Investment Jeans” wouldn’t even sell his size, FATTY FATTY FAT PANTS.

  

And those Size 12 jeans he was trying on?  Are the jeans that I *hope* to fit into when I get to my goal weight.  My own personal skinny jeans.  But the truth is, I don’t even know how I feel about that word skinny anymore anyway?   Do I really want to be *skinny*?  I don't know.  I’ll tell you what I do know though:  I am working hard.  I am a work in progress and that is okay.  I am doing my best to become a healthier person so hopefully someday we can have kids and I can tell them about how their dad used to dress up in womens’ clothes.   Well okay, maybe not that exactly. 

I know I’m doing my best to learn about how my body works and what is healthy for me.  And I’m also working hard to make sure that throughout this process I continue to look in the mirror and like what I see.  Not just physically, but emotionally.  And most of the time that last part involves some serious shifts in perspective.  It's a process, you all, but I'll tell you what -- if I can shift my perspective enough to listen to an entire Rob Thomas song after 10 years of wanting to stick my finger in my eye every time I hear it, then frankly I can probably shift my entire perspective on almost anything.
_______________________________   

To Run or Not To Run: That Is The Question

So I am second guessing my decision to run a half marathon, but maybe not for the reasons you might think – hear me out and then I would love it if you weigh in. I have no perspective in these types of situations. INTERNET, I need your advice. Eep!


:::opens up can of worms:::


I signed up to run the Seattle Rock and Roll Half Marathon a few months back after a night of imbibing and ego-fluffing, clearly. Liquid courage and a few months of CrossFitting will make you feel like you can do crazy things. I was excited at the thought of a new challenge and I am nothing, if not someone who loves to get wrapped up in a new challenge. I thrive off a good To Do List.  You know this.  This is the personality trait that Garrett will probably mentally order under ‘worse’ when it comes to contemplating that whole “For Better or For Worse” thing. While it is also a strength of mine, it is absolutely my Achilles heel.


When I signed up, my thought process was A) This will be a new challenge and it will feel exciting to accomplish as well as B) It will support my overarching goals to lose 50 more lbs this year. I still feel the same about option A. I am no longer doubting my ability to finish the race anymore and I totally think it will feel awesome to complete!  But it is B that is beginning to feel a bit like a gray area.


I began running regularly in February and coincidentally that is also when my weight loss completely stalled. It wasn’t a total shock and it didn't concern me too much at first (oh, who am I kidding? I had concerns in the beginning when I was only losing 6 lbs per month.)  But overallI had lost 70 lbs and this wasn’t my first rodeo -- I knew I would plateau at some point, so I started to tweak some things with my approach.  I quit drinking alcohol completely. No change. I reduced my fruit consumption. No change. I really reigned in my carbohydrates and started tracking my food. No change. I tried Intermittent Fasting. No change. After 2 months, I hadn’t lost a single pound and it sure wasn’t for lack of effort. I was starting to get REALLY frustrated.


I continued to train for the half marathon, actually even kicking that up a notch, and I tried to remain patient because my body composition was still changing. My pants continued to get looser. If it wasn’t for my friend Sarah and the lovely AndreAnna (who sent me a box full of 12 POUNDS OF CLOTHES, God love her!) I would have absolutely nothing to wear! Things were changing, but the truth was with a goal of 50+ more pounds, something had to give because I was not comfortable staying at this weight and just saying "Oh, this is my body's set point."  Because it is not.  There was something rotten in the state of Denmark, and I was determined to figure out what it was.


Frustrated (and kind of exhausted, frankly) I had decided to take a little running hiatus. Three days per week I had been running 3-4 miles before I started work at 7am and you know what, I WAS TIRED. Especially considering that at least 2 days per week I would work until 4:30, CrossFit at 5pm and then go home to make dinner, handle things on the homefront, and try to squeeze in some active relaxing before I would crap out on the couch just to get up and do it all over again. It was becoming a bit of a grind, and I just didn’t want it to be like that.

I have a tendency to get a little obsessive with goals so trying to employ some things I have learned about balance over the last 8 months, I took this opportunity to try and intervene before I got to the point of quitting out of exhaustion. I weighed my options (no pun intended) about what could give a little, and I chose to take the break from running because even though I enjoy, it can’t hold a candle to how much I love CrossFit. I couldn’t imagine a week without CrossFit, and I thought I could ease off the running without much consequence since I had plenty of time to get back on the wagon before the Half Marathon in June.


My last run was March 24th. Since that run I have yet to get back outside to run or hopped on the treadmill. I have continued CrossFitting 3-4 times per week but I ditched my food tracking and just went back to eating an unweighed, unmeasured Paleo diet because I wanted to get back to being intuitive about my eating. You know with my obsessive personality there is nothing that drives me to insanity quicker than tracking my food.  I started having a glass of wine again with dinner on the weekends because DAMMIT!  I really enjoy that and don’t like feeling deprived. I bought a giant box of mangoes from Costco and I have been shameless eating them for dessert nightly and that one act alone has brought more joy to my life that you can even imagine. Fresh Mangoes! I could write a love poem about them, but I will spare you.   


Also, I lost 7 lbs.

And the only difference was that I was exercising less and enjoying what I eat more.  This weight loss journey is just abolutely messes with your mind sometimes, doesn't it? 


I was doing some hop scotching around Mark’s Daily Apple (a great resource for Primal/Paleo info!) and I read The Case Against Cardio.  I think he does a succinct job at explaining why rigorous aerobic activity isn’t always a great way to burn fat, but talk about an idea that goes against everything you've ever been taught about losing weight.  But hey, so does going Paleo, and that seems to be working out pretty swimmingly for me in the big scheme of things!  So I kept an open mind.  Then I re-read this article about chronic cardio and a little light bulb in my head went off. It was actually this passage that got me thinking:

This kind of training…raises cortisol levels, increases oxidative damage, systemic inflammation, depresses the immune system and decreases fat metabolism. About the only good thing it does in improve cardiac muscle strength – and even then you get to the point of diminishing returns fairly quickly.

Was I doing myself a disservice with all the running without even meaning to?

Needless to say I haven’t been super excited to get back on the treadmill. Sure I have missed it a little bit, but when I go to bed each night and think, “Should I set my alarm for 4am tomorrow and get back on the treadmill?” I never feel the pull of the Siren’s song like I do when I skip CrossFit. I don't want to stop running forever, don't worry out there my favorite running buddies!  But part of me feels like at this point in my journey, running might need to take a back seat. I am trying to see the forest through the trees here, and my major goal this year is to lose the weight. That is Numero Uno. I don't want to do anything to hinder that.  But I also don’t think I will be able to show up in June and perform well in this Half Marathon if I don’t get back on the training bandwagon -- when I stopped running I was only doing about 5-6 miles comfortably.  That would obviously need to improve and I am thinking my abilities may have even decreased with the time I've taken off, who knows? 


The last little nagging thing is that we are already registered to the tune of a few hundred dollars that is non-refundable if we opt out of the race. This point is moot whether we run or not, that money is spent.  But if we do choose to run it, we will also have to fork over at least an additional $600-800 for plane fare/hotel/food/etc at a minimum.


I’m starting to wonder whether it is worth the cost.  Physically.  Mentally.  Financially.  But damn if the idea of giving up on a goal doesn't chap my stubborn hide! 

I'm struggling.  Any words of wisdom, internet?

__________

Rejuvenation

Garrett has declared this Our Week of Rejuvenation.  (It just took me 3 tries to spell that correctly.)

I was sort of confused as to why we needed some rejuvenation (only 2 tries this time) but apparently it is partially related to the fact that in the last 2 weeks we have hosted two weeknight Dinner Parties.  And by the way, the use of Dinner Parties is incredibly hyperbolic in this instance, in my opinion, because it just means we had two couples over for dinner on two separate occasions.  This type of social interaction makes me very happy.  It makes Garrett happy too, as we love seeing our good friends, but it also gets filed under 'D' for Dinner Party in his mind and apparently exhausts him to the point of needing a Week of Rejuvenation also.  I think our oppositional introvert/extrovert tendencies are highlighted the most in these types of situations. 

The truth is I'm happy to oblige overall though because I have definitely been pushing myself lately and sometimes I don't even notice.  Two or Three days a week I am getting up at 4:30 in order to have time to sip some coffee and squeeze in a 3-ish mile run before I have to be at work at 7.  The other days I am "sleeping in" until 5:30 as I have changed my schedule at work so I am now working 9 9-hour days every two weeks and then scoring an additional week day off.  Then we are CrossFitting 3-4 nights per week, doing one long run on the weekend, and ohmygod we are also having dinner parties where I am planning and prepping the menus?  Maybe I do need a week just to relax.

Today is one of my Earned Days Off from work and I'm sitting here in my PJs drinking coffee after devouring last night's new episode of Bethenny Ever After.   In these moments, I could really get used to being a kept woman, although I would need to buy a fainting couch and a house-boy and some bon-bons immediately.  Who are we kidding though, while I'm blogging I'm also googling recipes for short ribs since I have 3 lbs that need to be used up pronto, because I am not comfortable when I am not multi-tasking so being a kept woman is probably not for me.  Also, I don't even really like bon-bons.  If you have any short ribs recipes you want to send my way, please do would ya?  We have subscribed to a monthly meat share for the past 4 months and I get short ribs pretty regularly so I'm all ears for new ways to prepare them.  I thinking on trying this recipe today.  

Obviously I am not the best at finding balance. It's a constant struggle for me, and it is not lost on me that I am a Libra and that this is such an astrological cliche.  But I have a lot of goals and things I want to accomplish and I am very good at pushing through discomfort.  I'm hoping this serves me well when I have a baby or something, otherwise what good is it, right? TELL ME THIS WILL HELP WHEN I HAVE A BABY. The truth is this also gets me in trouble sometimes so it is definitely something to keep in check.  I think Garrett's Week of Rejuvenation is a nice reminder.  He is definitely the yin to my yang, or yang to my yin -- I don't know.  He completes me, but with less squinty-eyed sappiness than Renee Zellwegger.  (Sidebar:  Can you imagine if Renee Zellwegger and Bradley Cooper had stayed together and had babies.  I think they each have The Most Annoying Faces in Hollywood, and I know that makes me a bad person, but oh my god, that kid would have come out looking like it had been hit in the face withe a bag of nickels.  The tragedy.  It is probably good for everyone that they have broken up.)  

Anyway, I had a long conversation with my mom yesterday about my current fitness routine as she loves to worry about whether I'm overdoing it. I think "Be Careful" is her second most favorite phrase to say (after "you are my most beautiful and favorite-est daughter" of course.)  I can see how from the outside it may seem like I am overdoing it, but the truth is, my goal is to get into tip-top baby making shape this year.   It is THE GOAL, actually.  And for me, success in that endeavor will be measured by whether I can lose this last 50-60 lbs.  And it ain't gonna happen sitting on the couch, youknowwhatimsayin'?  In hindsight maybe taking on a half-marathon at the same time was not the best idea since I have NO SKILLS as a runner (yet) but it seemed efficient at the time and now I'm committed and damnit if I am going to back out on a commitment -- I am quite a stubborn S.O.B. 

I reassured my mom that I'm not doing this look better naked (although hey, it's a nice side effect) or to fit into clothes better (I've always thought I put myself together nicely no matter what size I am) but I am doing it to prepare myself for the most exciting journey ahead.  And for that, I am okay with experiencing a little discomfort in the form of 4:30 am wake up calls and sore muscles pretty much 7 days per week.  But I am fully aware that this is probably not a long term lifestyle plan.  I mean, I think I will CrossFit forever because HOLY SMOKES -- THE KOOL-AID TASTES GREAT!  But maybe I won't try to Cross-Fit, lose 50lbs, train for a half-marathon, and learn a secondary sport all at the same time, you know?   Next time I'll know better.  Next time, you all. 

So anyway, rejuvenating.  We are doing it.  I'm not super good at it, but for me that means this week I will:  sleep for at least 8-9 hours per night (hello EARLY bedtime), keep my CrossFit/Running schedule (sorry, not willing to deviate on that one), spend my evenings reading, writing, taking super hot bubble baths (recovering muscles, yowza!) and of course, spend quality time with Garrett doing things like watching Top Gear and Modern Family and even Dr. Phil because those are some of the only shows we can agree on.  (Dude, Dr. Phil is FUNNY!)  I have read some great books on the craft of writing this month and I've been feeling pretty inspired.  I'll tell you about them in my March Book Review, but for now, know that they've got my creative juices flowing.  And for me, when I indulge my creative side I feel the most rejuvenated.  

What do you do when you are looking for a little bit of rejuvenation?

________________ 

Running For Recovery

During my second running-heavy workout over at American River CrossFit I think I may have shook my head and mumbled something about these people trying to kill me under my breath. It was 4 or 5 rounds of lifting heavy things broken up with 800 meter (1/2 mile) runs in between, and it was a pretty accurate recipe for torture, I was sure. I was also sure I probably couldn’t do it because I was NOT a runner.


Somewhere amidst all of that negative self-talk I heard our coach Chad say “You don’t have to sprint the 800 meters, do it at any speed you like:  the run is for recovery.” And in that moment I was fairly certain he was one egg short of a dozen because -- honest to god -- who the hell RUNS FOR RECOVERY, BUDDY?!?!


Today is a Monday, and as such I’ve jumped the typical hurdles -- the most notably suck-tastic was the sleepy pull of Daylight Savings when my alarm went off at 4:30am. But despite the temptation I fought the sandman, enjoyed a cup of coffee (what? I needed some heavy artillery for that fight), did a few chores around the house, and then put my running clothes on and headed into work early for another throwdown with the treadmill.


The treadmill is not my favorite way to run. In fact the hamster wheel style frustration of moving your body over and over and never getting anywhere can really be an additional mental struggle for me -- and frankly, I’m already busy enough in that department. When I hopped on this morning, I was, unsurprisingly -- Not Feeling It. I usually try to get into the music, tell myself stories, plan menus (Fat Kid, holla!), remember movie quotes – whatever I can do to get through, you know?


Today, I practically composed this blog post in my mind.


I thought a lot about how 7 months ago I never would have signed up to even run this half-marathon.  And in the middle of that I realized that this first mile was feeling awesome. Then I thought about all the excuses I used to make for why I hated running.  My former self would not even recognize this person who was booking-it by choice, without another person chasing them.  And in the middle of that, I realized that I hadn't even had that feeling of working at high intensity yet. So I turned up the pace up a notch and kept pushing. And because I was still cruising, I did it again. I kept pushing and pushing until it felt super tough, but even then I didn't want to quit, I just made a few adjustments and kept going.


And 3 miles later I wondered, why was I ever even worried about my own abilities?


I am dedicated.
I am strong.
I'm not a quitter.
I can achieve this goal if I try.
I can be a runner if I want to be.


And when I stepped off that treadmill and headed into the locker room endorphins firing, positivity brimming, and dripping with the intensity of someone who has been singularly focused for the past 40 minutes– well what do you know?


A part of me felt recovered. 

__________

The Secret To My Success: Prologue

Over at Bodies this week I'm talking about how I feel.  What else is new, right?  Specifically though, how I feel when people ask me what The Secret to my weight loss success has been.  (Spoiler alert:  it's not all wine and roses.)  The truth is, there hasn't been one big secret but a succession of little secrets.  I've mentioned here a few times that I just made a few tweaks to my diet and exercise routine.  But what I want to be very clear about is that I did not -- I REPEAT, DID NOT -- just learn to eat less and move more.  I am so tired of hearing that generic piece of advice about weight loss that I want to stand up and shout it out right now, but I won't since my co-workers would probably look at me funny.  Besides, no one wants to listen to a crazy person.

I've been wanting to tell you about a few things that I've learned while shedding almost 70 lbs since August, but I also want to emphasize that this has only been my experience.  I don't think there is a right and wrong way to get healthy, I only know that I have been trying for years to be at my physical and mental best and what I have been doing lately :::cliche alert::: has TOTALLY CHANGED MY LIFE.  And I don't just mean because it has made me thinner.  That has been one small (but welcomed) side effect. 

There is so much judgment tied up in getting healthy or losing weight, and because of that I have sort of kept my talk about these issues to a minimum.  But on Monday I am going to post the first in a series of articles that will hopefully contain no judgment, just my personal story and some potentially helpful information.  My intention is to share my story in hopes that it will inspire you to find out what will work for you, if you are in fact looking.  If you aren't looking, maybe it will just be food for thought.  If you aren't interested in this business all, well then here's your warning that you may want to skip those posts next week.  We can still be friends.  :)

I want to tell you these things because in the end, we are the only ones responsible for our own success:  at work, at life, with our families, and with our health.  And the things I will be talking about have changed the way I view all of these parts of my life.  It's a good story, if nothing else. 

So join me on Monday, will you?  Because The Secret  (snicker)  will be revealed.   

Want to read more:
 
Part One:  Weight Loss -- The Early Years
Part Two:  Weight Loss In The Real World
Part Three:  Giving Up
Part Four:  Now What?
Part Five:  Food, Glorious Food
Part Six:  Transitioning to a Paleo Diet
Part Seven:  A Week in the Life of our Bellies


(This is also a part of Primal Toad's Primal Cave Friday)

Elsewhere

For those of you interested, I posted a little update over at Bodies in Motivation.  

I'm still amazed at the results yielded by a tiny tweak in my diet and workout routine.  This isn't going to turn into an "I Love CrossFit" blog, but some of the strides I've made with health and fitness this year just feel like a big deal to me, so hopefully you don't mind when I share.

Hope you all had a wonderful holiday! 

 

Moving Mountains One WOD at a Time

My first Crossfit workout was on October 9th.  It's hard to believe it's only been a few months.  It took me probably a year to finally get the guts to show up to one of the Saturday Drop In Workouts and now it feels like something I have been doing my whole life.  On my first day I was in a state of panic from the moment I showed up to the moment I left.  Well if I'm being honest, at the end of the day the panic had morphed into a low grade exhaustion, but you know what I'm getting at.  I dragged Garrett with me as my security blanked and into the box we went -- first getting a mini tour, a brief synopsis of what Crossfit was all about, an overview of the Paleo diet, an introduction to The White Board, and then we warmed up and did our first WOD --- The Newbie WOD. 

3-5 rounds for time of the following: 

20 box jumps
10 push ups
10 sit ups
10 squats

It seemed innocuous enough, no scary names or Olympic Weightlifting.  No weird abbreviations or unintelligible combinations of exercises.  Plain and simple -- I imagine they do this on purpose.   

I gave it my all, I survived 3 rounds and then I had had enough.  18 minutes and 32 seconds. 

I had pushed myself enough just showing up, frankly, so I was ok only completing the minimum.  I modified the box jumps by doing step ups on a 12 inch box, but overall felt relatively pleased with my performance.  Then I went home and was sore for 5 days.  Hella sore, actually.  Like don't drink any water because then I will just have to sit down to go to the bathroom sore, if you know what I'm saying.

So last night when I headed into the gym, guess what showed up on The White Board?  A little revisit to The Newbie WOD for comparison.  A little check-in on the progress.  And after 2 months and 2 weeks my workout shook out as follows:

I completed all 5 rounds (woot!)
20 box jumps (this time I used the 20 inch box -- still modified though for my precious knees!)
10 push ups
10 sit ups
10 squats

Finished in 14:15. 

This morning, I'm a little sore but nothing crazy.  Mostly my upper body is sore because we worked Shoulder Presses for about 15 minutes before we even started that newbie WOD, so it was like two workouts in one!  

I felt pretty amazed last night in the obvious increase in my physical endurance.  After only two months!  One of the things I tell myself now when I'm mid-workout and feel like I'm going to keel over and die is that I can stand around and have those thoughts and delay finishing my workout, or I can push through and think about how tired I am while getting one squat closer to being finished.  So my mental endurance is improving as well.  :)

It's funny how sometimes we put off reaching for our goals because they seem so overwhelming or out of reach.  It seems like they would take too big of a commitment, or require a life U-turn of epic proportions and really, who has time for that?  What Crossfit has taught me in a very short amount of time is that sometimes you just have to show up and try hard.  

Holly's New Rules For Life:
1.  Show Up
2.  Try Hard

You don't have to be the best or the fastest or the strongest, you just have to keep showing up and ultimately you will get somewhere.  Sometimes you will get to where you thought you were going, and sometimes you will go even further than you thought you could.  They say if you want to move mountains you have to start with a single stone, right?  I'm so happy I lifted that first stone because now I'm dead lifting 220 lbs (that's two supermodels!), shoulder pressing 80lbs (small children, anyone?), doing handstand push ups, squatting with barbells full of weight over my head, pushing and pulling myself and sweating through every goddamn t-shirt that I own.

But every time I look up at the horizon, that mountain gets just a little bit smaller.      

A Week of Big Accomplishments!

Back to reality, eh?  Man do I love a long weekend, but the Monday that follows is a little rough, no?

I hope you all enjoyed your holidays -- Garrett and I spent our Thanksgiving morning running our first 5K together and man, it was chilly!  (28 degrees when we left the house!  Uh, we Californians don't do much when it is 28 degrees out, so I was certainly second guessing my decision to run a race!)   

I use the term 'together' loosely though, because Garrett left me in the dust almost immediately, which ended up being a pretty smart decision.  Since I have never really ran more than 2 miles at one time (hi, I am not a runner) I was afraid to run too fast in the beginning and then crap out at the end, so I wanted to make sure I paced myself.  It turns out, however, that not getting ahead of the crowds during  "Fun Run" full of kids and old people and strollers (OMG dodging the strollers!) ends up being kind of a mistake if you are trying to run in a decent amount of time -- live and learn. 

So running the race took me about 45 minutes and although I won't be winning any awards with that time, I am pretty stoked that we did it.  And you guys --  I ran the whole. damn. thing. 

Now where's my medal?

Don't they give you a medal for running 3.1 Miles?  No?  Well that is bogus, I say!

In all seriousness though, I think that I have to thank Crossfit for my performance -- and by performance I mean Not Dying.  Like I said earlier I am not a runner, so I have never really forced myself to run very far.  A few weeks ago one of our WODs involved running a mile, lifting some weights, and then finishing it up by running another mile and I about died when I read that because  I was just SURE I wasn't going to be able to do it.  But then one of the coaches said to me "You don't have to do it fast, Holly -- you just have to do it."   And what the hell do you know?  I did it.  So during the 5k when I wanted to stop and walk or quit or whatever, I just said that over and over in my head.  I like a good mantra when I'm in pain. 

Also, I turned up my music very loud.  I don't know how people run without music.  It was a necessity to take my mind off of things.  Do you know what was playing when I crossed the finish line?   Only the cheesiest and best pop song ever!  And I found the lyrics to be quite apropos at the time.  I was so happy to cross that damn finish line you would have thought I just ran a marathon.  But I guess in a way it kind of was my marathon, ya know?  It was my first timed race ever, my first little shoe clippy thingy (the technical term, I'm sure), my first race bib and all that -- and I enjoyed the heck out of all that silly stuff.  It was a measurable accomplishment and I was pretty proud of myself.  Also, I basically gave myself free reign to eat my weight in turkey and stuffing when I was done, so that was an awesome bonus! 

Speaking of my weight -- I woke up the day after Thanksgiving (of all days) and hit 50lbs lost.  Also another hat tip to Crossfit.  (The timing almost made me want to go back for some more stuffing!)  CAN YOU FREAKING BELIEVE THAT?  Because I can almost not even believe that.  I kind of can't get over that number because when I look at myself I see the same person, but dude that is a lot of pounds lost.  In fact I'm not sure I have ever lost more than that EVER.  I feel pretty excited to keep going but since it is a notable pit stop on this journey to become as healthy as possible before we have kids, I think I'm just going to stop and enjoy the view for a while!   

September: Revisited

September was a very good month, which might seem odd since I hardly uttered a peep around these parts, but I think that is part of it. I did not pressured myself to do a single thing: not blogging, cooking, scheming, nor achieving. Absolutely no pressure. And it was kind of liberating. It’s definitely a new attitude for me, but it is a good one, that will probably stick around. If you can believe it, I actually made To-Do lists throughout the month, and then mostly crumpled them and put them in the trash, opting to read a book or have a nice conversation instead. If this sounds super lazy to you, I totally get it. It sounds a little lazy to me, but it was part of my September Goals, and I ran with it. It wasn’t all Couch Potato-ing though, promise.


Here’s what I was up to:


Healthy Living

*For starters, I have lost 25 lbs since August! And there is no one more amazed at this than me. I am mostly amazed because – well, it just hasn’t been a struggle and I don’t know about you but I associate weight loss with struggle, deprivation, and general irritation. I feel so damn happy to have discovered a way of eating that works for me, that my body is responding super positively, and that I am feeling the best I have felt in years.

*I have also been getting a ton more sleep – so maybe there has been a little bit of Couch Potato-ing. But I think that has probably helped with the whole “the best I have felt in years” feeling. I am really listening to my body instead of just pushing through and I think that it is important. When my Naturopath recommended getting 8-10 hours of sleep per night I pretty much laughed in his face. But I have tried to make rest a priority, and what do you know I have found 8-9 hours of sleep per weeknight and sometimes 10+ on the weekends. It won’t be like this forever -- I have no intention of sleeping my life a way, but it feels good to listen to my body, so for now, sleep is good!


Why My Neighbors Hate Me

*Mostly because we have been the cause of jackhammering and other sundry construction hullabaloo between the hours of 7-8am lately. We are doing a major overhaul on our front and backyard and there has been some serious dust and noise. I always feel bad when it is noisy, but when I weigh it against the eyesore of a yard that my neighbors have had to look at for the last 3 years I think that it will be worth it for in the end. I've taken some before pics and and a few during a bit of construction so when the whole thing is done I will show you a whopper of a Before and After.  I am sooooo ready for a new yard. 


Snuggle-Fest 2010 in Full Effect

*Well, my cousin Kelly had her baby – an adorable little girl with miniature munchable cheeks! That's my mom holding her in the third picture and you can bet after one session of snuggling she was like "HOLLY, CAN YOU HAVE A BABY NOW?"  "OK, WHAT ABOUT NOW?"  "NOW?"

*Excuse the iPhone photos, but really, grabbing my camera is the last thing I am thinking about when hanging out with this precious one.  My thoughts generally vascillate between OMG so cute and OMG am I going to break her?  Understandably, I leave the camera in my purse. 

 And that’s the scoop.


In sum, life is good my friends.  Life is good.

On Balance and September Goals

So I made some goals in July -- actually more like 900 hundred goals, or at least it kind of felt that way. 

Then I made some goals in August -- which pretty much was the reactionary "effing relax why dontcha? Jeeeez" 

And this, friends, it the pace of my life always.  Conceive, Commit, Complete...and then Collapse for a bit. Lather, Rinse, Repeat.  I have so much I want to dream and do and be, and I just have no idea how to be balanced about it, but it is starting to become a struggle.      

As you know I have been writing about my quest to become healthier before Garrett and I have a baby over at Bodies in Motivation.  There are many parts of this whole quest, but the biggest one for me initially was figuring out where I am at currently, healthwise.  I started seeing a Naturopath and he started with a battery of bloodwork, hormone tests, and neurotransmitter tests.  (What the hell is a neurotransmitter?  They are the chemicals that are involved in synaptic brain function -- the common ones you have probably heard of are Glutamate, Acetylcholine, Dopamine, and Seratonin.) 

Scientific gobbledygook aside, the results were pretty interesting, definitely shocking and can  be drilled down to one thing:  I'm kind of a stress mess.  I'm delving into the specifics over at Bodies this week, so if you are interested in that, check that out, but the biggest worry the doctor had for me was about my lifestyle -- and we aren't talking diet, weight, exercise or any of that normal stuff you think about when you think of a doctor lecturing you. 

"You need to find more balance." 

Apparently a few systems in my body have crashed from stress (actually his exact words were "People with lab work like this generally have problems getting out of bed") which I thought was funny because I said to him "I certainly don't feel stressed."  And he agreed that I definitely don't come across as someone who is down in the dumps or freaking out.  But upon further examination of my activities, my habits, my goals and my timelines he shook his head and said"

"It's nice to want to be a better person and make the world a better place, but what good is it really doing if you are killing yourself at the same time?"

And really, I can't argue with that.  Pretty simply, no good can come from that.  So I have spent the last week or two trying to figure out what balance looks like for me and seriously, THIS IS HARD, YO.  I can always think of something to get done, something I need to squeeze in, something I should be doing, or a goal I could be working toward.  And frankly, I really like that part of myself -- it's what gives me drive, motivation, and completing those things gives me a huge sense of self worth and self esteem.  It's hard to put the brakes on that. 

But there is definitely work to be done.  I mean, I think deep down I know that it is not normal to get up at 5am to read.  If I am too tired to read in the afternoon or at night, maybe I need to take a listen to what my body is trying to tell me instead of setting my alarm for an hour earlier to circumvent the issue, you know?

With all of that said, September's Goals are going to be a little anti-climatic:
*Sleep at least 8 hours per night
*Prioritize leisure activities like reading, cooking, and writing
*Continue exercising 3 days per week and quit feeling guilty that you aren't doing it 5-6x
* Notice when I am pushing myself and ask "Does this have to be done right now?"

Some people might say that looks like the easiest goal list known to man -- a lazy man's manifesto even.  To this overactive, overachieving, overcommiting crazy person, this may just be my greatest challenge yet. 

So since you are here, let me ask ya:  How do you find balance in your life?  I would love any advice you have to give -- from mini, to life changing!

Check!

So, remember how I mentioned one of my July Goals was to submit a piece of writing to a website other than my own? Well, just under the gun, I'm happy to announce that I'm going to be checking that one off the list!  I will be writing over at Bodies in Motivation regularly and sharing my health and fitness journey over there, and I'm really excited to be getting back to prioritizing my own health.  

My first post is up today and I'd love it if you came by and said hi.  It feels pretty personal just letting all this stuff hang out, but Bodies has been a great source of inspiration for me on my own quest to be my best self, so I'm hoping that maybe my journey can help inspire someone else to explore what their own plan for their health is. 

Hope you guys like it!

Do Vegetarians Eat Animal Crackers?

I posted a link to this article on Twitter and Facebook yesterday (via) because it is one of the simplest, bullet-pointed posts that I have ever read about fitness and health -- and three of his points really rang so true in my mind that I'm still thinking about them. I know this is a deviation from our standard programming around here, and my official disclaimer is that I am not an expert and these are just my opinions on the topic, so if this bores you, I totally understand.  No hard feelings.  Come back again tomorrow and we can talk about shoes or books or celebrities! Or how Kate Winslet is getting divorced…OMG, so sad!


Anyway, my favorite items stolen from that article were as follows:


• If you eat whole foods that have been around for 1000s of years, you probably don’t have to worry about counting calories
• High Fructose Corn Syrup is making people fat and sick
• The only real cure is prevention…don’t get sick in the first place otherwise you may be in for a long road back to health


There is so much to say on these topics, I don’t even know where to start. I am a card carrying member of the cult that thinks that the American Diet is the biggest factor in making people sick.  And even though it is one of the things we have the most control over, most of us don’t prioritize it all the time (myself included) and that is sort of baffling. I baffle myself on a regular basis, actually. I have watched some incredible and  enlightening documentaries on the subject of the American Diet (um…hi, corn products are in EVERYTHING because that is a crop the government subsidizes. Dear Government, please consider subsidizing other vegetables too, yes? ) And I am a total Michael Pollan zealot, yet I TOO am still guilty of not prioritizing my diet when crafting my own plan for health. It is such a battle!

For example, there is so much evidence out there supporting that idea that a (thoughtful) vegan diet really helps reduce inflammation and disease later on in life, and I know this, yet I can’t seem to let go of my love affair with cheese. Just the thought of it makes me panic a little.  Also, like many of us, I have certainly tried my share of fad diets out there in search of quicker/better/longer/easier weight loss in an effort to be healthier, but in the end I really think sometimes the big picture gets lost in all of that. It is not about being a certain weight or at this magic number, general health is what should be important, and there are so many factors contributing to that.

I went to a conference once where Dr. Pam Popper was speaking, and she said quite a few things that really affected my opinions on this stuff. A woman in the audience stood up and asked her how she felt about the Atkins diet, and boy did she unleash the beast. Well, if the beast includes a lot of scientific evidence about what it does to the body and why it was not good for your health. “But it works, I’ve done it and had success,” replied the woman in the audience, and of course don't we all know someone who has great success with Atkins, right?  But Dr. Popper’s response slayed me, “You are correct, the Atkins diet does work. But so does cocaine, and I don’t recommend that for health either.”

(Damnit!  I never tried cocaine for weight loss.  That is brilliant!) 

Ok, ok all jokes aside, that was kind of a turning point for me when it comes to my philosophy on weight loss and health. I’m not in this life just to weigh less (although yes, I need to get there and it is very important.) But really? What I want is to live more. And for longer. And I want to be healthy the entire time, not decrepit or disease ridden, or managing a slough of symptoms all the time. And I do think it is possible.  But if you could just remind me of that the next time I’m walking around the cheese department at Whole Foods (you know how I get when I'm there) I think that would be a great start! 

Do we have a deal?

If You Need Us, We'll Be Getting Ferg-a-licious

So tonight Garrett and I are heading to the gym together after work. You know business as usual, right?

Except that it’s totally not business as usual because tonight is the first night that Garrett has ever set foot in a gym as a card carrying member? Can you believe this? I am having a hard time wrapping my brain around this because he is almost 30 and has never had a gym membership EVER, whereas I have probably had at least 20 different gym memberships over the last 15 years in the different cities I have lived and I’m almost certain I can’t even count on one hand the times that I have broken up and got back together with 24 Hour Fitness alone.


So this Blows. My. Mind.


The other thing that blows my mind is that when Garrett was doing his 7 day trial a few months ago (because my Garrett does many things, but he does not Buy Before He Tries) we showed up, grabbed a couple of treadmills, and while I got my walk on he got up right on the sucker and ran for something like 4 miles straight, with hardly a drop of sweat trickling down his little face when he was finished.

And this was his first time ever setting foot in a gym, like, EVER.


SOMEONE TELL ME HOW THIS IS FAIR?


(As an aside, he can also eat pasta all week long and then go out and do yard work for a few hours on a Saturday afternoon and come inside with the outline of a six-pack on his abdomen. And in those moments I want to say ARE YOU SERIOUS, GOD? REALLY?  Also, YUM! -- but that's not the point here.  I never really believed in the whole “it’s genetics” thing until I met this Garrett and it DRIVES ME CRAZY on the regular. You know, in a totally loving and totally non-competitive way, I swear.)

 :::twitch:::


Anyway, my fitness failures aside, I think I’ve told you before that I’m a group fitness junkie so I have talked Garrett into coming to a weight lifting class with me tonight. It’s not that I don’t like to workout alone -- sometimes there is nothing better than just getting into the zone with your machine and your iPod – but for me there is a level of discipline involved in attending a class (I mean it is in a group full of people and I don’t want to look like an ass) so I usually push myself harder.  This particular class is usually a good mix of men and women, and apparently that was the key for Garrett, (he didn’t want to be Turbo-Dancing to the Oldies or something) but I still think he is a bit nervous. I’m kind of interested to see what it’s like hitting gym on a regular basis with The Boy.

I figure we know how to play together, live together, and work together – how tough could it be to work out together?  You know I'm gonna let you all know.... 

To Everything (Sneeze, Sniff, Cough) There is a Season...

The second the sun comes out I get all excited for spring because there is nothing I love more than the delicate heat of spring sunshine on my back. As any local does though, I quickly remind myself that the sun in Sacramento is a slippery slope. You see, one day it’s beautiful and sunny and the wind is blowing through your perfectly coiffed hair, and the next day you are in the 9th Circle of Hell and your normally straight hair turns into a frizz basket, and you better just get used to it because you will look this sweaty for at least 3 straight months! And I think I’ve clarified before exactly how I feel about that. So although the sun has been nice the past few days, I’m sort of scared of what’s to come. Climate Control is not really my bag. But now I also have ridiculous worsening allergies to contend with. I know most people have a sneeze or two when the flowers are in bloom, but I recently found out that when it comes to the ability to deal with histamines, my body is taking a long ride on the short bus.


I went to the doctor at the end of December because I had a dry cough that had been persistent for about a year. It wasn’t really bugging me, but apparently the decibel level of my cough was somewhere between Indoor Megadeth Show and Airplane Engine Symphony (who knew? I’ll put that on my resume). As you can imagine Garrett was lovingly nudging me to get it checked out. After dealing with a lifetime of mild allergy issues at various times during the year (spring and summer being the times I don’t have the luxury of living without anti-histamines in my system) I was not surprised when my doctor examined me and almost immediately determined (unless any other diagnostic tests came back with other indicators) that year round allergies were causing post-nasal drip and this was the most likely the culprit causing me to cough. As for the decibel level? Well that’s just my god-given talent apparently. My levels of sexiness are reaching sky high proportions right now, aren’t they?


So she sent me to have a chest X-ray and my lungs looked just fine. Then I had to have a CT scan of my sinus cavity to make sure that there weren’t Alien Life Forms growing in there or something, and sadly it came back completely normal. I say sadly because I was secretly holding out hope that the CT scan would show an insanely large sinus cavity because I have a super-hero sense of smell that plagues me (Lord Help Us All one day when I am pregnant) and I was hoping for once and for all to find a reason for that, but alas No! -- normal sinuses on all accounts.


The final step was to go through a lung function test. I was kind of scared of that to be honest with you, but mostly the fear was derivative of the fact that I was expected to be at the hospital:

1) At a very early hour
2) Having not consumed any caffeine
3) TESTING A FUNCTION????


BAHAHAHAHAHA. A Function? Pre-coffee?


Obviously the Doctor did not get the memo that I don’t do ANY functioning, lung or otherwise, without coffee -- but since she asked me so nicely I showed up and did as I was told and breathed into a crazy apparatus and chatted with a lovely and considerate gentleman who was drinking a piping hot cup of coffee across the table – so help me god, he was lucky he lived to tell about it. But in the end I was delighted to hear that not only do my lungs function, but they function “at the level of a professional athlete” and you know, I felt an nostalgic sense of pride in that moment. But that quickly turned to defeat when I realized that since this was my last diagnostic test, it was official:  I am allergic to pretty much everything in the free world, all of the time.


So if you thought I was sexy before, you should just see me now that I have this prescribed “Allergy Cocktail” of pills, inhalers, nose-sprays and neti pots. It is an ear-nose-and-throat disco inferno up in here with all the hotness, my friends. After almost 60 days on the wagon the cough has subsided a bit, but not all the way.  Both specialists I saw warned me that it would not be a quick fix and they think it will take months for my irritated throat to heal since I left it “severely untreated” for over a year.  The dramatics of that statement make me chuckle a bit.  I don’t know exactly what I think about this diagnosis yet, since I am definitely NOT a fan of taking medicine at all, let alone daily just to function.  (Let me insert a Quick Disclaimer:  I am not making a judgment about you if you need medicine to function.  Many people do and I am happy to live in a time where it is readily available).  It's just that I do not subscribe to the general philosophy of Western Medicine that every problem with the human body needs a little yellow pill to solve it. I’d prefer to let my immune system do its job correctly and not micro-manage the whole situation.  But obviously my body is failing me a bit, so this is kind of a challenge for me.

I would love to hear of any kind of natural remedy worked for you when it comes to allergies. What have you got for me internets???

Just Like Sorority Recruitment But With More Spandex

Well, I did it.

I re-joined 24 Hour Fitness the other day -- and for like the 900th time! Always with the breaking up and getting back together, we're like the Sean Penn and Robin Wright of fitness, I swear. Since doing so I've been trying out some of the different classes at the Carmichael location to see if I feel like joining any of them because that's what keeps me going back to 24 Hour Fitness. That is their evil lure over me -- I'm sort of a Group Fitness Groupie. Well, that or I'm Fitness Co-Dependant. You see, when it comes to methods of exercising I much prefer sweatin' to the oldies with others than I do by myself. I love me some yoga and I adore Step classes (Yes I know it is no longer 1996, but I like Step so shut up!)If you tell me about a geeky dance class, or some kick boxing club I will certainly try and shake and kick with the best of them. Obviously I am capable of exercising by myself, but the bottom line is I don't.

***As an aside, whenever I do exercise by myself it always seems like I end up on the elliptical machine that is parked 2 feet in front of the television playing the Food Network and Paula Deen is always deep frying something delicious and what the hell, health club? Why can’t you subscribe to the same shitty cable plan that you find in every hotel across America that is full of News Channels and Spanish Channels and nary a Food Network nor Bravo in sight? WHY? **********

So the other night I wanted to check out one of the Step Classes, and on my way to class I started to feel this weird sense of anxiety that I haven't really felt in years. I couldn't quite put my finger on it until about a minute before the class started, but then I finally looked around and figured it out -- going to a Step Class for the first time (or any class for that matter) reminds me alot of Sorority Recruitement -- except (for better or worse) EVERYONE IS WEARING SPANDEX!

It started before I even got there. What time should I leave? I didn't want to be too early -- because is there anything worse than being the first person to the party? In a giant mirrored room I wasn't even sure I would know what direction the class faced! God forbid I set up my equipment backwards! Luckily when I got there I was the second person there, so I could just cooly slide my Step to the back center of the room. Ha! I knew all along where the front was. PSHAW! But then all these groups of people started walking in together -- friends, co-workers, sisters -- and then of course there were those girls who set up their own station along with a second station to "save" for their friend who would be joining later. Jesus, Does everyone already know each other? What am I doing here? Holy shit this is exhausting and we haven't even started to exercise!

Oh, Right! You are here to exercise, Holly. Don't get insecure about stupid shit.

Ok. Insecurity Crisis Averted.

But then because God is merciful, in the midst of my Temporary Insecurity Crisis, the first fashion victim showed up. You know who I'm talking about. The older woman with the red terry cloth sweatband (with matching wrist bands!) and the bright purple pair of KangaROOS. The outfit hollered 1984, and so you know in a moment of weakness I thought to myself, well at least my outift is normal, so I've got that going for me. I know that's an awful thing to think, but sometimes in sticky social situations I get desperate. Sue me.

After that marched in the girl who was just Trying To Hard. You know, the one who is wearing her spandex just a bit too tight with her messy ponytail that is just a bit too tousled? You know she probably just wantes to fit in like everyone else, but the results are more hot-mess than they are hot-ness. She's already been on the elliptical for a while so she's rockin the unsightly sweat marks even before class starts. And once again I sort of feel relieved that I am not standing out for any of the above reasons. (This is just getting worse and worse)

But then OMG what if I am? Standing out, I mean. What if someone else is looking at my /clothes / hair / outfit / terrified look on my face/ and it's making them feel better that they are not as (insert negative descriptor) as I am. Oh, the horror! But before I can get too wrapped up in that thought A PREGNANT WOMAN walks in wearing matching spandex with her toned arms and thighs and only the enormous bump to tip you off that she is with child. Ahem, shouldn't she be out eating a cheese steak sandwiches somewhere (Hi Nat!) I mean what the hell? Oh, apparently she knows everybody in the room so I guess she's been doing this alot. But she's pregnant? Like Reeeeeeeally Pregnant. Oh man!

And it was like that with the mental chatter for about until the music started. And do you know why? Because folks, music is the great equalizer. Everyone looks like a giant asshole jumping around a big plastic bench with weights in their hands while the Black Eyed Peas shout "Mazel Tov" in the background no matter how cool or collected or fitly pregnant they were when they walked in the room.

In the end as some of you know, Sorority Life and I didn't really click. After about a year I couldn't take it anymore -- I just wasn't really into cultivating an environment (like Recruitment, ACK!) that made people stand around staring at each other sizing everything up. It just sucks the fun out of everything! So the other night after leaving class feeling fantastic after an hour of unadulterated frolicking and certainly looking ridiculous -- I decided I will never again play the size up game at an excercise class. And I'm hoping against hope that the ladies who were in my 24 Dance class on Wednesday did me justice and did the same because let's just say...there was A LOT of Black Eyed Peas.