Because Boys Don't Have To Worry About Visible Panty Lines

So I have this dream that one day I will be whisked away on a fabulous romantic vacation.  Perhaps to a snowy and remote cabin in the mountains.  Maybe we will jet off for a sultry weekend in Rome where we will tour old ruins and I will rock the hell out of some stretchy fabric dress and gold gladiator sandals yet I will manage to arrive home with blister free feet.  One night we could board a helicopter and tour Paris for incomparable sights and an even more incomparable (read: expensive and butter-filled) dinner.  You know this dream, don’t you? It is the one where your life is very much like an episode of the Bachelorette but with the absence of that pervasive Eau de Desperation.  That smell is worse than the free perfume samples in Cosmo!  And to those, I say  -- nothing is ever really free is it?  IMHO, a migraine is far too high of a price to pay to satisfy one's curiousity about what combinations of flowers and citrusy top notes really encapsulate the essense of Justin Bieber's Dream Girl, AMIRITE???

(What in the hell does Justin Bieber even know about fragrances?)

(Or any celebrity for that matter.  I'm looking at you, Kardashian Family.)

ANYWAY.

The problem with this dream, however, is that it will never happen in my lifetime.  Not because these lavish trips are way outside of our budget, or unreasonable or even somewhat unnecessary, No!  The reason I will never be whisked away on a surprise vacation is because I would never EVER relinquish the packing of my suitcase (for even a weekend!) to another person.  Especially a person of the male variety who considers 4 button up shirts, one pair of clean jeans, plus an unlimited amount of Calvin Klein white undershirts a “reasonable wardrobe.”  I mean, if we were packing for America’s Next Top Minimalist, maybe I would let him have a crack at my overnight bag, but obviously the anxiety that would go along with opening any potential suitcase that Garrett packed with “Holly’s Dream Vacation Appropriate Attire” would supremely outweigh the pleasure of any such surprise, so I have (for the most part) happily resigned myself to never actually experiencing this type of Reality TV Lifestyle.

But lately my desire for a surprise romantic getaway has come a knocking.  And I have had the realization that I actually could have a Reality Show Surprise Vacation Experience if I turned the tables on Garrett and planned one for him.  And you know what?  The amount of planning and scheming that would need to go on in order for me to surprise Garrett almost tickles my Inner Control Freak more than the thought of a helicopter ride around the Eiffel Tower.  So I’m kind of thinking about doing it!  Should I do it, internet? I kind of think I should do it!   

(Quick sidebar for those of you who worry that Garrett will read this, fret not because I basically have to beat him into submission to read this blog and the second he sees his own name he turns a shade of fuchsia not normally seen in nature and runs screaming in the other direction.  So I think we are pretty safe.) 

Things going in my favor:

1. I know how to pack a bag and exactly what he needs to be comfortable for a weekend.  I mean let’s be real, I could probably pack his whole wardrobe in my smallest suitcase. We’re good on this front.
2. I know his boss and could totally slyly ensure he gets the days off that he needs with no problem or red flags.
3. He would be TOTALLY shocked and never suspect it and OHMYGOD, I feel so motivated by that for some reason. 

Trip Ideas:

While we don’t have a Reality TV budget, the following would be totally fun and financially manageable destinations.

*San Diego – the flights are reasonable (and I love the thought of a trip involving an airport rather than driving) my cousin lives there who we could probably stay with (plus we have been talking about visiting her FOREVER – Hi Jen!  I just invited us to your house. Love you!)  And it’s San Diego, I mean hello?!?

*New Mexico to see his parents – while I realize this does not sound like the most romance worthy trip, Garrett has been TOTALLY missing his parents lately and would be so stoked to go see them.  How fun of a surprise would that be?

*A weekend up in Tahoe – a short drive and gorgeous weather.  The only downside is there’d be no airport and we’d have to pay for a hotel among other things.  But Living Social Escapes has a fabulous little deal going right now for a 2 night stay…

HMMMMM….the wheels in my head are spinning. 

So, what say you, internet.  Should I do this???  Have you ever executed a trip/surprise like this?  Has anyone planned one for you?  I’d love to hear your advice or any fun memorable schemes in the comments.

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Why I Keep Garrett Around

H:  Babe! Come look at this guy I had a huge crush on in High School.  He looks so old now!  We don't look that old, right?***

G:  Of course not.  Maybe he's a big boozer now or something.  Be nice.  Was he a boozer in high school?

H:  Well, yeah, but who wasn't?

G:  You weren't. 

H:  Oh, right. 


I'd probably forget my own name if he wasn't around.

(***Don't judge me. You know you do this too.) 
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DIY Jewelry Storage For DIY Dummies

In my dream life I am very crafty.  I cut things and sew things, and every project I start turns out perfect from the conceptualizing phase to execution.  I patiently complete each step in its proper order feeling more and more inspired as the process goes on.  Speaking of the process, I artfully photograph all steps so that later I can quickly and easily throw up a tutorial on my perfectly designed website to show other creatively-challenged folks how they too can aspire to be as soft focused and perfect as I am. 

Oh wait that's right -- here at this blog, I document reality.

Since Garrett and I moved in together -- two years ago tomorrow, actually HEY-O-- he has been hounding me about getting my jewelry under control.  I have lots of necklaces and rings and earrings and bracelets and they usually end up falling out of the one random organizer that I have and this drives him bananas.  You would think we could put our two college educated heads together and come up with a solution fairly quickly.  But that is where you would think wrong.  After two years of deliberation and 3 consecutive weekends of looking at all the parts sitting on our kitchen table, we finally managed to get this up last weekend.  And we spent the subsequent days patting each other on the back like we had just finished the Sistine Chapel. 

Coupled with my old craptastic organizer that all the necklaces used to fall out of, it now fits all of my baubles perfectly.  Yes, I did just say baubles even though the bulk of my jewelry comes from the clearance rack at Target.  Cut me some slack.

 
The genesis of this idea came from Christina's post over at Style Lush.  She smartly planted the seed of using belt hooks to hang my necklaces.  When I first read it, I wasn't convinced it was exactly what I wanted to do.  Frankly, my dream jewelry organizer looks like this and I thought about doing that for a minute, but luckily I am competent enough to know my limitations.  Actually the truth is I showed that post to Garrett and said, "Hey, you're handy...what do you think about doing this?  Isn't that cute!"  And he looked at me like I was speaking French and said, "What am I supposed to shoot a moose and mount his antlers to help declutter our closet.  It's not even moose hunting season, I don't think."  We are city folk, what can I tell you?

Between my inability and his confusion, that idea died before we could even talk about procuring materials.  But the next time I went to Target I spied some belt hooks out of the corner of my eye, and lo and behold this necklace storage solution was created!  And by lo and behold I mean I told Garrett where I wanted it and he made it happen.  Overall I have to say I am very happy with it!  And aside from having to laugh at the same joke that every man tells when using a stud finder (Hey honey...look, I put it on my chest, and it FOUND A STUD!) the whole process was relatively painless.

Rejuvenation

Garrett has declared this Our Week of Rejuvenation.  (It just took me 3 tries to spell that correctly.)

I was sort of confused as to why we needed some rejuvenation (only 2 tries this time) but apparently it is partially related to the fact that in the last 2 weeks we have hosted two weeknight Dinner Parties.  And by the way, the use of Dinner Parties is incredibly hyperbolic in this instance, in my opinion, because it just means we had two couples over for dinner on two separate occasions.  This type of social interaction makes me very happy.  It makes Garrett happy too, as we love seeing our good friends, but it also gets filed under 'D' for Dinner Party in his mind and apparently exhausts him to the point of needing a Week of Rejuvenation also.  I think our oppositional introvert/extrovert tendencies are highlighted the most in these types of situations. 

The truth is I'm happy to oblige overall though because I have definitely been pushing myself lately and sometimes I don't even notice.  Two or Three days a week I am getting up at 4:30 in order to have time to sip some coffee and squeeze in a 3-ish mile run before I have to be at work at 7.  The other days I am "sleeping in" until 5:30 as I have changed my schedule at work so I am now working 9 9-hour days every two weeks and then scoring an additional week day off.  Then we are CrossFitting 3-4 nights per week, doing one long run on the weekend, and ohmygod we are also having dinner parties where I am planning and prepping the menus?  Maybe I do need a week just to relax.

Today is one of my Earned Days Off from work and I'm sitting here in my PJs drinking coffee after devouring last night's new episode of Bethenny Ever After.   In these moments, I could really get used to being a kept woman, although I would need to buy a fainting couch and a house-boy and some bon-bons immediately.  Who are we kidding though, while I'm blogging I'm also googling recipes for short ribs since I have 3 lbs that need to be used up pronto, because I am not comfortable when I am not multi-tasking so being a kept woman is probably not for me.  Also, I don't even really like bon-bons.  If you have any short ribs recipes you want to send my way, please do would ya?  We have subscribed to a monthly meat share for the past 4 months and I get short ribs pretty regularly so I'm all ears for new ways to prepare them.  I thinking on trying this recipe today.  

Obviously I am not the best at finding balance. It's a constant struggle for me, and it is not lost on me that I am a Libra and that this is such an astrological cliche.  But I have a lot of goals and things I want to accomplish and I am very good at pushing through discomfort.  I'm hoping this serves me well when I have a baby or something, otherwise what good is it, right? TELL ME THIS WILL HELP WHEN I HAVE A BABY. The truth is this also gets me in trouble sometimes so it is definitely something to keep in check.  I think Garrett's Week of Rejuvenation is a nice reminder.  He is definitely the yin to my yang, or yang to my yin -- I don't know.  He completes me, but with less squinty-eyed sappiness than Renee Zellwegger.  (Sidebar:  Can you imagine if Renee Zellwegger and Bradley Cooper had stayed together and had babies.  I think they each have The Most Annoying Faces in Hollywood, and I know that makes me a bad person, but oh my god, that kid would have come out looking like it had been hit in the face withe a bag of nickels.  The tragedy.  It is probably good for everyone that they have broken up.)  

Anyway, I had a long conversation with my mom yesterday about my current fitness routine as she loves to worry about whether I'm overdoing it. I think "Be Careful" is her second most favorite phrase to say (after "you are my most beautiful and favorite-est daughter" of course.)  I can see how from the outside it may seem like I am overdoing it, but the truth is, my goal is to get into tip-top baby making shape this year.   It is THE GOAL, actually.  And for me, success in that endeavor will be measured by whether I can lose this last 50-60 lbs.  And it ain't gonna happen sitting on the couch, youknowwhatimsayin'?  In hindsight maybe taking on a half-marathon at the same time was not the best idea since I have NO SKILLS as a runner (yet) but it seemed efficient at the time and now I'm committed and damnit if I am going to back out on a commitment -- I am quite a stubborn S.O.B. 

I reassured my mom that I'm not doing this look better naked (although hey, it's a nice side effect) or to fit into clothes better (I've always thought I put myself together nicely no matter what size I am) but I am doing it to prepare myself for the most exciting journey ahead.  And for that, I am okay with experiencing a little discomfort in the form of 4:30 am wake up calls and sore muscles pretty much 7 days per week.  But I am fully aware that this is probably not a long term lifestyle plan.  I mean, I think I will CrossFit forever because HOLY SMOKES -- THE KOOL-AID TASTES GREAT!  But maybe I won't try to Cross-Fit, lose 50lbs, train for a half-marathon, and learn a secondary sport all at the same time, you know?   Next time I'll know better.  Next time, you all. 

So anyway, rejuvenating.  We are doing it.  I'm not super good at it, but for me that means this week I will:  sleep for at least 8-9 hours per night (hello EARLY bedtime), keep my CrossFit/Running schedule (sorry, not willing to deviate on that one), spend my evenings reading, writing, taking super hot bubble baths (recovering muscles, yowza!) and of course, spend quality time with Garrett doing things like watching Top Gear and Modern Family and even Dr. Phil because those are some of the only shows we can agree on.  (Dude, Dr. Phil is FUNNY!)  I have read some great books on the craft of writing this month and I've been feeling pretty inspired.  I'll tell you about them in my March Book Review, but for now, know that they've got my creative juices flowing.  And for me, when I indulge my creative side I feel the most rejuvenated.  

What do you do when you are looking for a little bit of rejuvenation?

________________ 

My Life is an Episode of Modern Family

photo




Have I told you this story before?  I'm sure I have but I am too lazy to look in my archives.  I do this in real life too -- tell the same stories over and over again -- so listen this is just what it would be like in real life, ok?

Oh, before I tell you this story -- HAPPY FREAKING FRIDAY!  Man is it just me or has this week felt long?  Also contributing to my end of week super-sloth-ness, we hosted friends for dinner last night (hooray for mid-week dinner parties!) and while it was so much fun: we stayed up too late, I enjoyed one too many cocktails, and this morning my alarm sounded like a sledgehammer to the head.  Can you believe when I was going to bed last night I actually had the audacity to say "Hmm...should I set the alarm for 4:30 am so I can get a run in at the gym before work?" 

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAH...snoooooooooooooooze. 

(Balance is not a concept I really understand, YET.) 

Anyway, so back to my story.  The one you have probably heard, yes.  You see Garrett and I do not fight very much.  Sure we disagree about things, but we're generally good at coming to a resolution without much fanfare which is why I don't have many raucous tales of mug shot worthy disputes on this blog and just like the cliche, we rarely go to bed angry.  I kind of like it this way, actually.  But about 6 months ago not only did I spent the entire evening pissed and sobbing at Garrett, but I also went to bed at like 8pm -- AND I WENT TO BED ANGRY -- alert the press!  At the time I think Garrett found it the most befuddling because he could not figure out what he did wrong. It was very much this exact scene  from Modern Family.  Frankly, we are Phil and Claire.   Well, actually Garrett is just Phil.  I mean the resemblance is just uncanny at times.

So, what made me so angry?  Let me tell you:  he took every single book off of all 3 of my beautiful (and quite obviously, in my opinion) ORGANIZED BY COLOR Billy bookcases in our guest bedroom.  And when I came home he nonchalantly said, "Oh, I decided to reorg the bookcases since there was no rhyme or reason to them."  Actually he didn't say 'reorg' because that would be lame, but the truth is, I didn't hear much of what he said after I walked into my the room that once housed my BEAUTIFULLY ORGANIZED BY COLOR books and saw them strewn about all over the floor.  Hours of work now just tossed about into piles (gasp!) organized by authors' names.

Something about this just made me so incredibly upset, but I think no one was more upset than Garrett, who just kept waiting for Ashton Kutcher to show up and tell him he was being Punk'd.  That never happened though, and I just went to bed crying.  My god, again, sometimes my melodrama seems so LAME the morning after.  Anyway, it has now become something we laugh at because, really?  How can you not.  But we have also established the importance of hereinafter all books being organized by color, so you know:  Duh! Winning! and all of that crap.

So!  All of this to say, Modern Family rules.  And this video kind of turns me on:

Happy Friday, Friends! 
__________________

Greetings from Deserts of New Mexico ...

...where we are hanging out with:


5 horses
10 Chickens
15 Goats
4 Cats
1 Dog


Oh, and also?  Garrett's parents.  


The weather has been lovely and cooperative (clear skies with absolutely crisp air) but the elevation has done a number on us and we've literally been sleeping 12 hours a night like drunken teenagers.  


His parents have a ranch on 200 acres out in the middle of nowhere the state and it has been peaceful and full of adventure all at the same time.  Today I got a lesson on guns.  I'm hoping there isn't a test later because I will fail miserably, but it has been fun learning the paces of a totally different lifestyle.  I feel like Pioneer Woman but less internet famous.  


It's been a blast.  When I have the patience to upload some pics I will, but out here in the Wild West the internet is dial up, so don't hold your breath.  Hope you all are having great weeks as well! 

A Week of Big Accomplishments!

Back to reality, eh?  Man do I love a long weekend, but the Monday that follows is a little rough, no?

I hope you all enjoyed your holidays -- Garrett and I spent our Thanksgiving morning running our first 5K together and man, it was chilly!  (28 degrees when we left the house!  Uh, we Californians don't do much when it is 28 degrees out, so I was certainly second guessing my decision to run a race!)   

I use the term 'together' loosely though, because Garrett left me in the dust almost immediately, which ended up being a pretty smart decision.  Since I have never really ran more than 2 miles at one time (hi, I am not a runner) I was afraid to run too fast in the beginning and then crap out at the end, so I wanted to make sure I paced myself.  It turns out, however, that not getting ahead of the crowds during  "Fun Run" full of kids and old people and strollers (OMG dodging the strollers!) ends up being kind of a mistake if you are trying to run in a decent amount of time -- live and learn. 

So running the race took me about 45 minutes and although I won't be winning any awards with that time, I am pretty stoked that we did it.  And you guys --  I ran the whole. damn. thing. 

Now where's my medal?

Don't they give you a medal for running 3.1 Miles?  No?  Well that is bogus, I say!

In all seriousness though, I think that I have to thank Crossfit for my performance -- and by performance I mean Not Dying.  Like I said earlier I am not a runner, so I have never really forced myself to run very far.  A few weeks ago one of our WODs involved running a mile, lifting some weights, and then finishing it up by running another mile and I about died when I read that because  I was just SURE I wasn't going to be able to do it.  But then one of the coaches said to me "You don't have to do it fast, Holly -- you just have to do it."   And what the hell do you know?  I did it.  So during the 5k when I wanted to stop and walk or quit or whatever, I just said that over and over in my head.  I like a good mantra when I'm in pain. 

Also, I turned up my music very loud.  I don't know how people run without music.  It was a necessity to take my mind off of things.  Do you know what was playing when I crossed the finish line?   Only the cheesiest and best pop song ever!  And I found the lyrics to be quite apropos at the time.  I was so happy to cross that damn finish line you would have thought I just ran a marathon.  But I guess in a way it kind of was my marathon, ya know?  It was my first timed race ever, my first little shoe clippy thingy (the technical term, I'm sure), my first race bib and all that -- and I enjoyed the heck out of all that silly stuff.  It was a measurable accomplishment and I was pretty proud of myself.  Also, I basically gave myself free reign to eat my weight in turkey and stuffing when I was done, so that was an awesome bonus! 

Speaking of my weight -- I woke up the day after Thanksgiving (of all days) and hit 50lbs lost.  Also another hat tip to Crossfit.  (The timing almost made me want to go back for some more stuffing!)  CAN YOU FREAKING BELIEVE THAT?  Because I can almost not even believe that.  I kind of can't get over that number because when I look at myself I see the same person, but dude that is a lot of pounds lost.  In fact I'm not sure I have ever lost more than that EVER.  I feel pretty excited to keep going but since it is a notable pit stop on this journey to become as healthy as possible before we have kids, I think I'm just going to stop and enjoy the view for a while!   

Faces Only Mothers Could Love

So Garrett and I have been together for five years today.  I was feeling a little sentimental about that fact this weekend and because we have a million photos of us lying around the house, I thought I would head over to Target and pick up some new frames because they were on sale (holla!).  Obviously we spent the weekend hanging them, and let me tell you, if your relationship can survive hanging photos on a wall when both of you have VERY different opinions of what the correct procedure is for hanging said photos -- well then, I think your relationship can survive pretty much anything.  

Anyway, as I was looking at some of the nice photographs of us that we were hanging it reminded me of a complaint that I hear from my mom all the time which is that we always take the same picture over and over.   And here is the thing about that:  we kind of do.  But in our defense it is mostly because we don't hang around the house taking artsy shots of each other with our expensive cameras where we look simultaneously look gorgeous yet deeply in love.  We just aren't those people.  We're the people who have photo album after photo album filled up with the same off-centered couples self portraits with the scenery of our current vacation in the background.  And honestly, we are lucky if we can even take those pictures correctly.  Ahem, exhibit A:

But I'm kind of ok with that.  We are goofy, and un-photogenic, and have a hard time standing in one place long enough to try and look attractive and in love before we burst into giggles, or someone gooses the other, or eyes start rolling -- and really it is SO EXHAUSTING TRYING TO BE PHOTOGENICALLY FABULOUS, MY GOD.  I need a rest just thinking about it.

That said, this year instead of a sappy post about love and happiness, I thought I'd give you this:  

Holly & Garrett -- Celebrating 5 Years of Not The Same Picture Over and Over, Mom, Really.  I promise.

Year One:  This was on our first vacation together ever to Pajaro Dunes.  We definitely loved each other, but I'm not sure we had actually you know, told each other we did at that point.  Aw, just babies.  Don't you think it would be fun to get married there (hint hint, Garrett)...ANYWAY...

Year Two:  Our second major vacation together up to Humboldt County -- the prettiest stretch of coastline in Northern California, and I will fight you on that one.  Yes, this is an off-centered couples self portrait, BUT THEY ARE NOT ALL LIKE THIS, I SWEAR.  

Year Three:  See I told you they aren't all like that.  Apparently sometimes they are off-centered tongue in ear portraits.  Garrett may or may not have been questioning what the hell he had gotten himself into with this crazy chick at this point.

Year Four:  Because sometimes love just makes you want to jump off the end of pier, am I right?  Tell me I am right, people.  

Year Five:  Finally this year we got our act together and just had some professional photos taken, because as evidenced we certainly were never going to get a shot like this without some serious intervention.  This is one of the pictures I framed this weekend, and I can't say enough fabulous things about the photographer who took these.  She definitely captured the best versions of us, and that is a hard task to do! 

But as I look back over these years of good memories, and silly faces, and badly centered self portraits, there is no doubt in my mind that the best parts of this relationship are rarely this polished.  And that is the thing that I am most looking forward to celebrating today.  

Here's to many more years of un-photogenic, yet picture perfect love! 








 

Whatever Happened to Macauley Culkin Anyway?

I recently had to stop watching Criminal Minds and if I'm being honest, I'm still mourning the loss of some regular Shemar Moore action.  He is a fox, and if I had one of those celebrity freebie lists, he'd totally be on it but I long ago decided those lists were not for Garrett and I you see, because Garrett has poor celebrity judgment.  The only evidence I ever need to present is the fact that before we started dating he had Lindsay Lohan posters adorning his walls -- IN THE LIVING ROOM.  Um, case closed.  Granted, that was back in 2004 pre-rehab and she was pretty cute, but still.  I think we can all agree that based on that information Garrett is NEVER allowed a celebrity freebie, so obviously it's only fair that I refrain myself.  

I used to get my Shemar fix almost nightly watching old reruns but our rendezvous ( wait - how do you make that word plural?) eventually had to come to an end because of my house.  You see my house is old -- old and creaky and did  you know old creaky houses make noises when the temperature changes?  Well they do, and because I have watched way too many episodes of Criminal Minds I can tell you that my house makes the exact noises that a prowler would make if he were slyly shuffling on our hardwood floors.  My old, creaky house also makes the exact noises that a crazy rapist serial killer would make if there were one living in my attic.  And they say television isn't educational!  The point is watching Criminal Minds was not helping me relax at the end of a long day, so I had to call it quits.  But I miss it desperately! 

Speaking of desperately missing, Garrett is in New Mexico for 11 days visiting his parents and I can count on one hand how many times we have slept apart for that long in our 5 year relationship.  I know that sounds terribly Liza Minelli/David Guest, but it's the truth.  Sure we do weekends away from each other a lot, or overnighters here and there, we're not total psychos, but this is like A WHOLE WEEK LONGER THAN THAT. To say it has disrupted my routine is not surpring.  With no kids and no pets, coming home and downloading my day to the artwork hanging on the walls just isn't quite as validating you know?  There's no one waiting for me at home to have dance parties to bad 90s music or to throw steaks on the grill so when I pull into the driveway our whole yard smells delicious.  The vibe is a little different and I am vacillating between acting like a total single gal and feeling sorry for myself.  Consequently I have also watched like 900 episodes of Who's the Boss -- I'm not sure if that counts as acting single or feeling sorry for myself, but at least it's been quite entertaining.  That was a good show and I miss those kinds of happy family comedies.  When does Modern Family come back on, by the way?  Anyway, as you can probably imagine all of this alone time has helped me harness my inner-spaz so tightly that I am now so afraid of every little creak in the house that I may officially qualify as medically paranoid.  Which is why waking up this morning to find a man with a mask on and chainsaw in my backyard was more than a little unpleasant. 

Apparently this man  was just there to cut down a portion of my next door neighbors' dying tree that was hanging in our backyard but I will let you know that was of little consequence for a multitude of reasons, including:  A) DUDE IT WAS SEVEN IN THE MORNING and B) IT WAS A STRANGE MAN IN A MASK WITH A CHAINSAW.  I had let myself hit the snooze a few times -- mostly because I had woken up no less than 5 times throughout the night certain there was a masked man in my kitchen -- but instead of that enjoying that extra sleep time and waking rested and refreshed I was startled awake by the sound of Leatherface outside our bedroom sliding glass door.  Oh City of Sacramento, had I wanted that much adrenaline before 8am I would have just added a shot to my Go Girl, mmmkay?  Please take note. 

So pre-coffee sparring with Leatherface aside, I had actually made a plan of how I was going to enjoy this time while Garrett was away.  Determined to not spend my evenings at home alone counting my heart palpitations, I had committed to a vigorous workout and socializing schedule which was fine in theory, but pretty much blew up in practice last night.  When I got to my weightlifting class yesterday all the platforms, weight bars, and dumbbells were taken, even though I was 15 minutes early.  Jerks!  I love that class and I had actually been excited to workout only to be totally dissed by a room full of spandex clad cougars.  There I was stuck at the gym with no iPod to speak of, on a treadmill, parked in front of the only TV showing Bill O'Reilly of all things.  Every other TV had nice normal gym programming like The Food Network, and I get Bill Effing O'Reilly.  I will save you the suspense and tell you that my workout did not last long and I went home feeling a bit dejected, mostly because that was supposed to take up a good hour and a half -- what with working out and then showering afterward -- and instead I got home about 30 minutes after I left and I hadn't even broken a sweat.  At least my package from Amazon.com had arrived while I was gone so it wasn't a total bust.  

Tonight I think I'm going to try working out again (I will bring my iPod for backup just in case) and I was hoping to then have a leisurely night catching up on my DVR, but when I stopped home for lunch this afternoon I discovered my cable AND my internet were out. 

No cable.  And No Internet. 

You know what this means, right?  There is a high probability that tonight it will just be me and the house. 

Home Alone.

And well, I think this pretty much sums up my feeling on that: 

Complex Is An Understatement

Oh man, so much to say today!  First though, have you read Jonniker's post on the the two rudest things that have happened to her lately and the follow up post about weddings?  Very hysterical stories (comments too!) and seriously, you will die of embarrassment.  I mean like Drop. Dead.  But please reincarnate yourself and come back here because ***clap clap*** we have so many things to discuss!

So the thing that I found funniest about all those tales of The Rude were that so many of them had to do with weddings, and man if there is another event that is as tied up with miscommunications, expectations, etiquette (barf!) and general craziness please advise me now so I can put it on my list of Things To Avoid Like the Plague.  A wedding, however, will probably not be something I am able to avoid, so my mind boggles when I think about how to put one together and also stay sane.  (I MEAN HELLO, DID YOU READ ABOUT THE RUDENESS?)

I mentioned a while back that I am trying to convince Garrett that we should start thinking about our wedding this August when all our house projects are OVER!  The anti-climatic nature of that that has shocked some people I know, because OMG who talks about a wedding when they are NOT engaged, and ohmygod let me see your finger where is your ring? how big is your ring? have you picked out a ring? And, I guess I understand that sentiment, but honestly the whole surprise aspect of engagement is a little bit lost on me, just the idea of "engagement" is a little terrifying (this article sums up my fears quite nicely).  Garrett and I have been together for almost 5 years and I would say that shortly into our relationship we both kind of knew that this was it, and because of that I'm not hotly anticipating a surprise shower of rose-petals and a giant diamond bauble.  Because we already have a family diamond that is sitting and waiting to be dealt with, and because I think that Garrett knows me well enough to know showy romantic gestures just don't float my boat since I regularly snort with laughter over Jared Commercials, I just don't think the traditional proposal is in our future. (Though stranger things have happened, and I wouldn't be horrified to have a little moment)  But can't we just count as engaged already, or do we need to do the down on one knee thing?  sigh.   

OK, HOLLY, FINE. BE FAKE ENGAGED THEN, BUT WHEN IS THE WEDDING???  

This is the eternal question, I suppose.  The one I am sort of tired of fielding.  The reason I am pushing for an August "Let's Start to Plan" Date.

Now don't get me wrong, I am thrilled at the idea of marrying Garrett.  THRILLED.  He's my lobster and all that.  I am not anti-marriage at all, and in fact it is important to me that at some point we make our union legal.  But after a number of years attending weddings, being in weddings, hearing about the weddings of others I am just sort of tired of the entire Wedding Industrial Complex.  I'm all for traditions, but I've never been one to follow them blindly (especially when they were invented as a way to make money),  I certainly have no intention of doing something because some bridal magazine tells me I need to, and I think it is lame that I may have to pay twice the price for something just because I will need it on my wedding day as opposed to any other day.  These things incense me.  

And let's talk about the spending for a minute, can we?  I'm just going to come out and say that I will absolutely, positively, not spend an amount of money equivalent to a down payment on a house for a party.  I just won't.  I will happily rank as below average in this category of life.  I've spent too many years getting myself into and out of debt, learning how to save, and making a financial plan for my life and somehow spending half of my annual salary on a party just seems to be taking a hit off the crazy bong! I don't need to have any more nightmares of Suze Orman yelling at me, I have engaged in enough of that trauma just surviving my 20s. 

BUT, HOLLY, IT'S A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EVENT.

And I understand this rationale, really I do, and if you threw and extravagant wedding, please do not think I am judging you.  I've been to some and they were very fun.  No complaints here. It's just personally I can not part with my own money that way because over the past few years I have turned into a Miser-in-Training and right now I just have some other financial goals.  Bad timing I guess, because I swear if you would have asked me about my dream wedding ten years ago I probably would have said "Get me unicorns!  No price is too high!"  All that being said, I have to admit I do sort of take issue with the pressure of this "One Time Event," mostly because I feel like that pressure is a marketing tactic.  It's like when you go to buy a car and you find one you like and the sales guy is all, "You better sign the papers now because it may be gone tomorrow."  As if I would never be able to find another silver Honda Civic anywhere in the state of California.  Yes, the formal celebration of a marriage usually only happens once -- you know unless you are Ramona Singer and then apparently it happens every 17 years -- but what about the marriage?  I guess for me, it just seems to make more sense to focus resources on the marriage itself, because that sucker lasts FOREVAH, right? But apparently the Marriage Industry doesn't have quite as savvy of a marketing team as the Wedding Indsutry.

BUT DON'T YOU WANT TO SHARE THIS WITH YOUR FAMILY AND FRIENDS?

And in the end, this is the rub my friends.  There was a time when I was trying to convince Garrett to elope or have a destination wedding to avoid all this wedding planning hullabaloo because, let's be real, it probably isn't going to be that stressful FOR HIM.  But he just kept getting sad at the thought of that and saying "I really want my family and friends to be there."  And really, how can I say no to that?  Also it helps that my family absolutely kicks ass and is always the life of the party, so it's pretty much confirmed that if they show up there will be a good time whether we are playing flip cup or singing in church.  So I guess a normal wedding it is!  But the reconciliation of "What we're supposed to do" vs. "What I have we have  the ever-loving patience want to do" does look to be a bit of a challenge.  I know in the end we will create an event that is meaningful for us and if that makes it a little offbeat we will do our best to communicate the motivations to the ones we love -- I just hope we stay sane in the process.  But I guess if we don't,we'll always have the Honeymoon Industrial Complex.    

Some Things You Should Know About Me

Since we’re all friends here I thought today might be a nice time to tell you about a brush with the law I had a little over a decade ago. You see, I consider myself a pretty law abiding citizen these days. I mean, it’s The Law, right?  So I try to respect it.  I mean this hands-free headset cell phone thing does irritate me and even though Oprah is all over it, I’m still finding it a very bitter pill to swallow, but I respect it.  I drive in the mostly no phone zone, and I'm definitely trying, but that is a product of age, I think.  Because I'm not sure my 20 year old self was quite so level headed about The Law.

Once during the LA Years I got pulled over for not having a front license plate and subsequently was given a fix it ticket. But “fixing it” was going to cost me somewhere in the realm of $50 and I was sort of pissed at this. That was money that I could have been spending on important things like booze and tacos  and stuff. I certainly wasn’t going to spend it on some mounting thingamajig so that I could affix my license plate to it. I didn’t even know where that plate was anyhow, it had been like that since I bought the damn car so why don’t you go give the dealership a fix it ticket, Officer Shut-Your-Face, mmmkay? Also – I was single. And I wasn’t really skilled at the whole Art of Affixing Things. I mean, even if I was willing to spend $50 at an Auto Parts Store (which I wasn’t) what the hell would I do with it when I got home? I was living with a diva and a gay man, there were not a lot of handy people in that house, you know?


So I ignored it, obviously. It seemed like a reasonable thing to do at the time. I had other things to think about and I’ll tell you what, none of those things were license plates.  I got a follow up letter about it, and I think I may have possibly put it in my stack of papers to look at later. Maybe it got thrown away, I don’t really know, organization at that time was also not my strong suit. And I think another letter or two may have come in the mail but I didn’t really pay attention that stuff – you know booze, tacos, whatnot – remember? These things  were important! Not some silly letter.  But then one day a letter came that I did end up paying attention to because it mentioned things like COURT DATES and WARRANTS FOR MY ARREST.


And holy shitballs, that was pretty important.  So I went to court.


The judge was actually pretty nice. I was honest (you know, without mentioning the booze or the tacos) and I think he probably thought I was a giant spoiled douchebag that needed to learn a new filing system or something (and I probably was) but he let me go if I was willing to pay the fine and, of course, actually fix it. You are probably not surprised at this point to find out that I drove to court that day (months later!) in a car that STILL didn’t have a front license plate. Man, some days I weep for my former self.   Anyway, all was well and good until I got to the little window outside of the courtroom and found out this "little" fine that I would have to pay was something to the tune of $700. Um…do you know how many tacos that can buy?


So -- lesson learned the hard way and all that. I wish I could say that is the only lesson I had to learn the hard way, but alas your 20s last an entire decade, don’t they? Among other things, this whole incident has now given me an irrational fear of the fix-it ticket and its potentially unforeseen financial consequences. You could probably argue that a normal person would have seen those financial consequences coming and so I have nothing to worry about, but I admitted that the fear was irrational, okay? Let me be.   Anyway I’ve obviously straightened things out over the last decade and things like that are a distant and laughable memory, but I still have The Fear.  And for the last few years I’ve been driving Garrett’s second car and wouldn’t you know it, it’s an old car that was a hand me down from his grandma and when we got it, it didn’t have a front license plate.


“We need to fix that STAT!” I told him the day we got the car, and many days since. (See, at least I learn from my mistakes.) But of course he insisted that I’m being insanely paranoid since he has driven a car for 13 years without a front license plate (apparently they aesthetically offensive to some, who knew?) and never been pulled over, and of course he always reminds me this is Sacramento and not Los Angeles, and Gee Whiz Holly…don’t get yourself all worked up and crazy about it, we will get around to fixing it some point, and ….WELL GEE WHIZ BUCKO, GUESS WHO GOT A CRAZY FIX IT TICKET FOR THEIR EFFING CAR AND THEIR LACK OF AN EFFING FRONG LICENSE PLATE THIS AFTERNOON?


I’ll give you one guess cuz I'm nice like that.


I’m so ri-DONK-ulously irritated that I got the ticket because it totally could have been prevented, but also because – Hey Mr. CHP, aren’t there like REAL criminals you could be going after? The worst part of the whole thing though is that I had to sit, pulled over, looking like a criminal on the side of the road right in front of my super duper dream house and of course they came home while I was sitting there.  Of course they did.  And so did their neighbors actually.  And you know at least one of them thinks I’m some sort of scoundrel now.  I wanted to lean out the window shout “Garrett is the scoundrel! The scoundrel that wouldn't fix my license plate!” right as they pulled into their garage, but I didn’t.  I just kept mum until the officer wrote out my ticket and then when he handed it over to me I said Thank you. THANK YOU! Gah, I hate myself for saying that. I’m not thankful, yet I still said thank you even though I had sat there for like 10 minutes in the car reminding myself over and over to make sure that I DIDN’T say thank you when he handed it over.


But the silver lining in all of that is that I’m secretly feeling a bit Smuggy McSmuggerson because GUESS WHO WAS TOTALLY RIGHT? Right. Right. Right.  I am so Right.  And totally NOT paranoid! BOO YAH! And if you haven't already guessed that I made a super-illegal-apologies-to-Oprah, “I Told You So” phone call to Garrett as soon as I pulled away from that curb and out of that CHP's eyesight, well then, you may not know me at all.

Tree of Life

I lived in the same house from the time I was very small until I was 17 years old. When it was my turn to move out of the house, my parents did as well and it was sort of this weird simultaneous transition. They say you can’t go home again, and the truth for me was, I couldn’t. Ever since that house I’ve lived in a number of different apartments and in many different places: college in San Luis Obispo and then Los Angeles just because (in Westwood right by UCLA, then in Mar Vista right by Marina del Rey). After that I headed up to Sacramento where I have lived Downtown, then in East Sacramento and now in the suburban outskirts of Carmichael (which trust me, are all very different living experiences). With each move I have become more efficient with that dance of systematically unpacking my stuff, setting up a brand new life, finding Target and the grocery store and the good gas stations, and then of course trying to make my house a home. But part of me was always still searching for something.


I’ve always had a bit of wanderlust. I’ve discussed that here before, I love to travel and when I do I rarely go for fancy hotels. I much prefer renting a house or a condo in my destination, and pretending – even if just for a weekend – that this is my home. It’s fun to play the part of a whole new life. I’ve always thought of myself as someone who was adaptable. I’ve always though I could pick and move anywhere at anytime. It’s something I know how to do, something I do well even – moving from place to place and always finding where I belong there.


I think I took for granted the stability of my home growing up, but I mean what can you expect? I was a kid and idyllic suburbia was all I knew. I longed for “bigger and better” things as I grew up – living in the city, or having a fun apartment downtown – whatever it was. But as I’ve gotten older, moved around, and lived in different places I have such a better appreciation for everything my parents did to make our house more than just this place we all slept. It was home. And of course even though I have had great living experiences in my 32 years -- lived in fun and quirky places, had some fantastic roommates (and some not so fantastic ones, too!) -- I still found myself in search of that feeling of home and often wondered what it would feel like as an adult.


Yesterday afternoon I fell asleep on the couch as I often do on a lazy Sunday afternoon. I took a catnap with the sun coming in the windows just a bit making the house that perfect temperature for snoozing. It was quiet and when I woke up Garrett was tip-toeing around the house cleaning things up in the kitchen.


“I’ve never seen you sleep more soundly than you do at this house.”


And it’s true (although truth be told regardless of chair, bed, or couch, I can be a champion sleeper in any locale.) But even more than that, I realized – I do sleep sounder here. I breathe deeper here. Moving in to this particular house with this particular boy has – at the risk of sounding a bit cheesy – been a bit of a homecoming.  (Collective barfing can commence!)  My favorite stuff and my favorite person are finally all in the same location. No more subconscious worrying about one or the other. No more shuttling back and forth on the weekends. No more buying groceries for one house just to end up having them spoil because you both are staying at the other house.


THIS, is home.


And you all, it is like this giant exhale for my soul.


And I know you are probably thinking to yourself – hey genius, it’s already been a year and you are just getting around to this epiphany now? And the answer to that is: kind of. What can I say; sometimes I’m slow on the uptake.

Lately I keep looking around the rooms of my house – our house – and seeing our intertwined lives in every single room. The things we’ve done together, the things we’ve chosen together, our shared tasks, and our shared goals. I’ve looked around at this house – well, at this life really – and seen roots.  Which is exactly what I have always missed about my life with my parents in our little old house.  This is the thing I have been looking for.  This is the life I’ve been searching for. And I know that if you take this blog’s word for it, sometimes it is a small and mundane life -- who are we kidding, right?  But even though it is a silly little life, you guys sometimes it is such a good life – and on days like yesterday I almost can’t believe my luck that I found it at all -- and can hardly believe that I get to watch it grow.   

House Husbands, FTW!

So I'm just going to throw this out there -- I kind of love having a house husband and I highly recommend everyone get one.  It's kind of life changing. 

All sexist kidding aside though, it is absolutely ASTOUNDING how much less chaotic our lives our have been since Garrett stopped working two weeks ago.  (You know, except for when I royally screwed things up.)  But even when I was screwing things up -- I had support!  And Garrett has kindly made himself available for whatever I need.  And made my lunch (today was burgers and caramelized onions!)  And ran errands I have been dreading, and oh my stars you all, it has seriously been so darn nice.  

One of the things I have been trying to be especially conscious of during this transition is expressing my gratitude for all the things Garrett has been doing around the house.  I was lucky growing up and my mom stayed home.  I was spoiled, really.  But I so clearly remember her often saying it was a thankless job and people definitely used to question what my mom did all day since she didn't work. (HA!)  Boy did that used to burn her up because, as she would clarify -- it wasn't that she didn't work, it was that she didn't work outside the home.  And I'll tell you if I learned one thing, I learned real quick that there was a difference between the two, and I best realize that staying home was a job!  

And years later I love her to pieces for being so excellent at it!

So one of the consequences of my upbringing is that I'm very aware of the value of domestic tasks.  So I have tried to really have gratitude each day that while I have been in the office, Garrett has been busting tail at home.  And he has!  I mean of course he has done some relaxing too.  I think he has been through like 5 Audio books, but I know I've told you before that he likes to listen to those while he cleans, so you can bet our house looks spic and span because of it.  

But he has done so many other things too -- things that languish on our "If we had but time and energy" to do list?  I know you know this list.  You have this list, I'm sure of it.  Things like totally cleaning out and reorganizing our freezer (swoon!).  Organizing the garage (ick!).  Dealing with our yards (Achoo!).  Doing our endless stack of dishes (since we don't have a dishwasher).  Tackling the mass amounts of laundry that resulted from vacations, and guests, and life - OH MY!  You see all of these things would probably still be on the list if he would have been at work too.  We would probably be trying to figure out a way to split up those tasks so they could all get done and because of that it feels hugely decadent that I haven't done a load of laundry, or washed a dish in...well, weeks. And you guys, we don't even have kids!  So my mind is seriously boggling over how to juggle being two working parents, plus life, plus (OMG!) kids.  Hat tip to all of you who do that because the past few weeks have really underscored to me how much energy that really must take! 

And seriously, speaking of energy, my mom had like crazy, freak energy when I was growing up!  I mean she really Ran our household (and I'm sure at times it felt like a never ending hamster wheel).  She taught me alot.  And it's made me realize that the idea of keeping a house today is such a lost art!  Where's Mad Men when I need it?!?  And I'm don't mean to be Judgy McJudgerpants about it -- there's a million different reasons we don't all "keep house" and we don't need to get into here, and of course we all choose what's best for our own families so it's not my intention to offend anyone or make anyone feel bad as if there was a right way to live life.  But I know for me, having these couple weeks with Garrett staying home have really highlighted the huge value in having a life without much chaos.  It feels like a luxury.  And now that I have seen what things could be like (insert dramatic voice here) I don't know how I will ever adjust if we go back to how it was! 

But you know, it's been a learning experience.  Whether, in the future, we are able to stay afloat with only one of us working, or whether we choose jobs that have more work from home flexibility (Dooce is on that, right?), or whether we both go back to work and end up juggling our multiple priorities as best we can, I know I will savor the imprint that this time in my life has made on me.  And I hope to hold it close like a compass in the future when I'm trying to decide which direction to go. 

Following His Bliss

Well it appears there are all sorts of things going on today...
 
Today I wrote a check to the State of California.  Joy.  
*I sure hope they spend it well but I'm not going to hold my breath.  grumblegrumblegrumble

Today is the one year anniversary of Garrett and me shacking up. 
*I know what you are thinking -- Tax Day?Really?  Obvs, we know how to infuse the romance up in here -- we're bringing tax day sexy back.  Justin Timberlake told me so.    

And also Today -- Garrett quit his job.
*Eek! Typing that was exhilarating and scary all at the same time. 

It's a new chapter, folks.  

I mentioned back in September that Garrett would be losing his job sometime in the near future.  His department was being centralized to our company's Denver office and his job was going with it.  Things changed rapidly in those next few months and all of a sudden the job he signed up for was looking very different from the job he was doing 5 days per week.  Honestly, I want to tell you all the emotions I have about what happened with this job and what I think about the direction his department is going (trust me I could write a novel), but you will have to forgive me for staying mum because as you may or may not remember, Garrett and I (up until today) worked for the same company.  You can probably read between the lines though, you guys are smart like that. 

The fact of the matter is, my opinions aside, Garrett was starting to feel physically affected by the things going on at work.  The taxing nature of his job and his anxiety about the future was getting to him in a way that really scared me.  I began to understand first hand, how there are people out there who have heart attacks from stress -- and there was absolutely nothing about this particular job that was worth that type of personal sacrifice.  His health was not worth a silly paycheck.  But when we started talking seriously about making a decision that would potentially render him jobless, the big-time soul searching began, because a man without a job in this country (in this economy especially) is a really tough place to be.  

So we started asking some questions: 
What if Garrett quit his job?
What if we had to live on less money?
What if he had time to pursue something that he was more passionate about?
What would that mean for the quality of our life?

And the answers to those questions really revealed a great disparity between the two of us at first.  I value pursuit of my passions almost above anything else.  I live in the moment a lot.  I think about what I enjoy. What makes me feel invigorated is my compass.  Sure I think about what I want to accomplish but I also ask myself often - What makes me inspired?  And when it came to Garrett, he was just not on that same page.  He was always on this (very difficult) quest to be "Successful", which was a thought that wasn't fully defined in his mind just yet, but he knew he wasn't there.  And all of our conversations really led to me to think the generalized blanket statement that I'm about to say and that is:  I'm not sure we raise and encourage the men in our society to really be in touch with their passions.  And I really think that is A TRAGEDY.   

Garrett graduated college with honors, got a degree in a "respectable subject" (Economics), and planned to get out in the career world and get a decent job, to be able to provide for the family he hoped to have one day.  I mean that was really as far as he thought it through.  That was the kind of successful male archetype that he had come to value -- and I don't really blame him.  But it has taken almost 5 years of these types of negative career experiences for him to realize that his own value is not defined by his job or his paycheck.  His value is defined by the person he is when he wakes up in the morning, the person he chooses to be when he has a friend in need, the person he chooses to be in each and every moment of his day.

But this is like an Epiphany of Epic Proportions to him at age 28. 

(As an aside -- I'm so glad he realized this at age 28 and not age 48!!!!)

So today Garrett decided that he wanted to choose his sanity over a paycheck.  He chose to prioritize figuring out what makes him tick, to discover some of his passions, to figure out what it is that he really wants, not what he thinks he is supposed to want.  We are lucky enough to not have a mortgage, to not have children yet.  We are lucky right now in this awful economy to have the luxury of being flexible, and today Garrett chose to harness that into a turning point that I am convinced is going to change his life. Re-evaluating what is really important to him.  Dreaming big about his future.  And most importantly, prioritizing his Very Best Life.  After months of thinking about it, I know for him that this decision was one of the toughest he has ever made.  There will be questions from friends and family.  There will be raised eyebrows for people who may have chosen a different path.  There will be scary times and times of doubt in our future, I am sure.  But it is that important.   

It reminds me of a term paper I had to write in high school about Joseph Campbell and The Hero Journey.  I hated that paper and it subsequently ruined the Star Wars trilogy for me forever, I think.  But the one thing that has totally redeemed Joseph Campbell for me after all these years is this quote: "We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us."  And I'm so glad that today Garrett let go of that life that he had planned.  For what it's worth -- even though I am going to miss our silly conversations while getting ready in the morning, his Rihanna impersonations during our commute, and the fact that the office feels a little bit emptier this afternoon -- I'm absolutely dying to meet the life that is waiting for us, whatever that may be. 

Phoning It In For The Sake Of My Laundry

So tonight I could sit down and blog, or I could get my laundry done, and return some long overdue emails, and pack like an adult since we will be on a plane in slightly more than two days (and in this rainy weather I swear that's how long it is going to take my jeans to air dry so I better get to washing unless I want to resort to the dryer and look like a flood warning is in full effect the entire time I'm in Seattle.)

Anyway, since I obviously have like 900 things to do before this trip -- which technically is a trip for Garrett's Birthday (even though his actual birthday is not until May) -- I thought I would post a few snapshots of the first birthday trip we ever took together up to Humboldt County way back when we were just babies in love.  I think I may have washed my face and brushed my teeth first thing every morning on that trip.  Ok, I probably wasn't that crazy, but when I look at these pictures I just remember how excitedly new everything felt!

We spent a day driving up the coast, checked in to the World's Cutest Cabin and then spent a few days eating crazy-hot hot wings, drinking Lost Coast brew (if you see their Tangerine Wheat beer -- drink it immediately!), and meandering up and down North Coast beaches hand in hand being super sappy.  Did you just barf a little?  I know, that was pretty sickening, but it was quite blissful actually.  And I have the same hopes for this birthday vacation!  



Created with flickr slideshow.

 

If You Need Us, We'll Be Getting Ferg-a-licious

So tonight Garrett and I are heading to the gym together after work. You know business as usual, right?

Except that it’s totally not business as usual because tonight is the first night that Garrett has ever set foot in a gym as a card carrying member? Can you believe this? I am having a hard time wrapping my brain around this because he is almost 30 and has never had a gym membership EVER, whereas I have probably had at least 20 different gym memberships over the last 15 years in the different cities I have lived and I’m almost certain I can’t even count on one hand the times that I have broken up and got back together with 24 Hour Fitness alone.


So this Blows. My. Mind.


The other thing that blows my mind is that when Garrett was doing his 7 day trial a few months ago (because my Garrett does many things, but he does not Buy Before He Tries) we showed up, grabbed a couple of treadmills, and while I got my walk on he got up right on the sucker and ran for something like 4 miles straight, with hardly a drop of sweat trickling down his little face when he was finished.

And this was his first time ever setting foot in a gym, like, EVER.


SOMEONE TELL ME HOW THIS IS FAIR?


(As an aside, he can also eat pasta all week long and then go out and do yard work for a few hours on a Saturday afternoon and come inside with the outline of a six-pack on his abdomen. And in those moments I want to say ARE YOU SERIOUS, GOD? REALLY?  Also, YUM! -- but that's not the point here.  I never really believed in the whole “it’s genetics” thing until I met this Garrett and it DRIVES ME CRAZY on the regular. You know, in a totally loving and totally non-competitive way, I swear.)

 :::twitch:::


Anyway, my fitness failures aside, I think I’ve told you before that I’m a group fitness junkie so I have talked Garrett into coming to a weight lifting class with me tonight. It’s not that I don’t like to workout alone -- sometimes there is nothing better than just getting into the zone with your machine and your iPod – but for me there is a level of discipline involved in attending a class (I mean it is in a group full of people and I don’t want to look like an ass) so I usually push myself harder.  This particular class is usually a good mix of men and women, and apparently that was the key for Garrett, (he didn’t want to be Turbo-Dancing to the Oldies or something) but I still think he is a bit nervous. I’m kind of interested to see what it’s like hitting gym on a regular basis with The Boy.

I figure we know how to play together, live together, and work together – how tough could it be to work out together?  You know I'm gonna let you all know.... 

Hijinks Ensue

I'm pretty sure I've said this before, but Garrett and I work for the same company. Most people wonder how we spend that much time together without killing each other, but we work at a big company, we don't work in the same department (or even on the same floor) so, you know, all of that helps with the killing part. We generally aren't breathing down each other's necks all day while also living together so frankly I've found it's actually kind of a perk.  If I'm having a bad day, he is a phone call away and we can head out for a quick walk or whatever.  If I have an embarrassing Excel problem I can just give him a ring instead of asking one of my co-workers and risk looking like an absolute reject. Well, at least I think it's a perk anyway. The jury is probably still out from Garrett's perspective now that I think about it. Anyway, it's also super convenient that we get to carpool together because we listen to audio books -- Oh, have I not told you already about how we are giant nerds? Because while we're on the subject, we also DVR Jeopardy. Thank god we found each other.

Anyway, one of the potential downsides that people always inquire about with this whole working together thing is: Doesn't that mean that you two are usually getting ready at the same time? And the answer is yes. And if you have ever shared a bathroom with anyone with both of you trying to be at the same place at the same time, it may sound super annoying -- but I swear it isn't so bad.  For one our bathroom is large enough to accommodate two people pretty comfortably, but more importantly I am officially convinced we have some of our funniest exchanges while getting ready in the morning. And a good laugh is a pretty darn good way to start your day. 
 
For example:


I use a product called Big Sexy Hair right before I blow dry, and  Garrett can't get over the ridiculousness of that name.  It never fails that he will work that into the conversation even though I never quite know when it's going to happen. Often times it's from the other room and he'll say something like "Oh hey, you know what I've been meaning to tell you?" And as soon as I show concern or interest he says, "That you have some Big! Sexy! Hair!" Never fails. I don't think I'm a particularly gullible person, but I fall for it every single time. You'd think I would learn.


Also, over tooth and hair brushing, we have conversations of The Very Important Variety, like yesterday, when we mapped out all of Season 2 of Jersey Shore. We hypothesize as follows:


Snookie will come back, of course. That girl could have her own show. In fact, if she shows up as the host of some kind of arbitrary MTV dating show prior to the new Jersey Shore season, we will not be surprised. Pickled Hijinks ensue.


The Situation and Pauly D will be trolling for tail and GTL'ing once again, although now that everyone knows who they are, the hos will be infinitely trashier. Hijinks ensue.


JWoww will not come back to the shore with a boyfriend. Lesson learned people. She will also spend the season wearing (or should I say WOWW-ing) the crowds with her high fashion line of club gear the entire time. Hijinks ensue.


Vinny, we predict, will show up with a girlfriend though. He can't possibly make it another year without a lady to wait on him hand and foot just like his mama. Hijinks (well probably won't) ensue with this one. Just like last season.


Ronnie and Sammy will totally be broken up. Ronnie will be ho-ing it with Pauly D and The Situation, all of course to Sammie's whiny dismay. She will still follow him around putting in and pulling out her hair extensions, muttering about her Fred Flinstone toe all the while. They will surely be the new Wes and Johanna. Hijinks ensue.

(Disclaimer:  We may watch a little bit too much MTV for our age.)


Angelina will totally come back and everyone will hate her because now instead of just being a trash bag carrying bitch, she is a poser cash cow trash bag carrying bitch who looks NOTHING like Kim Kardashian, btw. Hijinks ensue.


So you see...getting ready together in the morning has its perks. We get to solve the world's problems as we coif. And what better way to nurture a relationship, huh? I mean it worked for Sammie and Ronnie, right?


Oh wait...