January 19, 2010


Today I am crabby.

Not emotional. Not hormonal. Not bitchy.

Just crabby.

After such a lovely long weekend spent relaxing with family, lounging with Garrett, and dining with friends, I definitely woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning knowing that I had to go to work.

Then, I remembered I had to wear a suit to work.

Then I remembered I had to wear a suit to work more days this week than not.

Then I looked outside and it was pouring and windy and nasty and generally awful and have I mentioned that I have new bangs that have been interesting enough to wrangle in even the best weather?

Then I found out that my desk is moving at work. It is moving from the geographic equivalent of Maui to the geographic equivalent of a dungeon-like shanty on the hot streets of India in the Summertime.

Then I encountered some general work annoyingness of the non-bloggable variety. But trust me, it sucked.

Then my computer kind of shit the bed.

Then I ordered a sandwich in the work cafeteria that I thought would be the least offensive (I had a close quarters meeting after lunch) and walked back upstairs only to realize I was in possession of a tuna sandwich with HELLA extra onions.

Then I realized I’m wearing the World’s most unsexy knee high nylons that just will not stay put, becoming a loose fluffy puddle around my ankles every time I stand up.

And while we’re at it – can I just vent about all these magazines lately that I have been reading are full of recipes that claim to be "400 calorie dinners" or "Lo Cal Alternatives" or "Happily Healthful" or whatever shit their copywriters are churning out that include grilled steaks, and pot-pies and trays of cheesy lasagna and such. Are you serious?  I start to think.  Maybe there are some great tips in here.  Sold.  And then when I start to really read them it looks like all the normal ingredients I usually use for the regular non-400 calorie version, and I'm thinking -- this is going to be a pretty damn tasty lasagna that I'm baking and I'm not sure how it's going to be only 400 calories -- And then I notice that I am instructed to bake it in a pan that is half the size of a normal lasagna pan and the recipe tells me it serves LIKE 36 PORTIONS!

Bait and Switch, people! 

HEAR YE! HEAR YE MAGAZINE PEOPLE!  Do not sell me portion control when you claim to be selling me “updated, healthy recipes”  in pretty, oozy, pictures you assholes...I’m on to you!

Anyway, if you come too much closer I may snap my claws at you. I'm pretty certain it is time to crawl back in my shell.

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