Completely unrelated to that moment of gratitude, I have realized that I'm in a bit of a funk. I've composed a thousand posts in my head over the last week or so, but I just haven't felt like sitting in front of the computer and getting it on the page, you know? It's weird though, it's not like a depression funk, but more of an anxiety funk. I've mentioned before that I have a tendency to take on too many things at once and a couple of weeks ago I started to feel that inertia forming, so I've just been trying to take it easy, workout, get enough sleep, and enjoy life. So what is the funk all about, you ask? Well, I guess I'm just not super comfortable "enjoying life". I sometimes have this anxious feeling that I am letting an opportunity pass me by or dropping a ball somewhere. I'm marinating on it, it's lame. If I have a grand epiphany I'll let you know. Promise.
Potentially contributing to this funk is that my weight loss has slowed down - who has a sad trombone for me to play? Garrett would yell at me if I didn't qualify "slowed down" and explain that instead of losing 10-15 lbs per month, I'm now only losing 6-10lbs per month -- which for a reasonable person would be totally acceptable and not worrisome at all. But since I teeter on the brink of unreasonable a lot of the time and have an irritating passion to overachieve at completely unnecessary things -- this seems disappointing. Obviously I realize I am being lame, yet can't actually stop feeling this way. I'm trying to let it go, but that might also be part of the funk. Who knows?
I'm feeling this perpetual guilt though because my workouts have also slowed down DRAMATICALLY. I'm only CrossFitting 3 days per week and in the last 2 weeks I think I have run once. I'm getting a half-marathon training FAIL. If only the guilt were actually motivation enough to get me out the door. I keep complaining to Garrett about it and he reminds me that I have until June, and I don't have to be so rigid about everything, and I can run 4 miles comfortably at this point so I probably won't die. But in my mind, I'm sure I'm going to die and then I will have to come back here and blog all about what a giant failure I was at running this half-marathon and how I am a failure at life. God my penchant for melodrama is just stifling sometimes.
Everybody take a breath.
Compounding the suckiness is that I have read some craptastic books this month -- my ONE FREAKING PLEASURE! Only one really jumped out and grabbed me (which I'm looking forward to telling you about next week when I do my monthly book review) but it is another book about dead babies, and man if the best book you read all month is about a still born child, that is a bad month of reading. I actually had to put two books down in the middle because I just couldn't read them anymore -- AND I HATE THAT. I feel like the authors, and the internet, and my old English Professors are going to hunt me down and chastize me for my lameness. It hasn't happened yet, but I sure looked over my shoulder once or twice just to make sure when I dropped them both back in the bookslot at my local library.
Life isn't all bad though, I got to see my whole extended family last weekend when we all got together to celebrate my twin cousins' 30th birthdays. It was loud as hell, but really? If you expect any different then you do not know my family at all. We whisper IN ALL CAPS.
We took a nice family photo, which although not quite as hysterical as this one still made me happy. I have 7 cousins who are all late 20s/early 30s (plus two younger cuties who are still in school AND a little baby 2nd cousin!) and we started this random tradition years ago on my cousin Jim's birthday that when you turn 30 you get a walker. You know, because YOU ARE OLD AND DECREPIT and who is going to give you a ride to the Old Folks Home? Coincidentally my cousin John, whose birthday it was along with his sister Jenny (who is sitting front and center in the pic above), happened to break his ankle the week before (I'll let you figure out which one he is in that pic) and so being the ruthless assholes we are, we all had a blast ribbing him about the timeliness of his injury. That is a funny group up there, you all and I'm happy to be related to them.
Oh, also in the category of things that totally don't suck -- I got new hair and I pretty much love it:
Well, I did not love it in the pouring down rain this morning because this haircut goes from 0 to Drowned Rat in about 6 seconds, but it's fun and different so I'm going to hang on to that all weekend while I bitch through the rain, sleet, and snow. Yes, that's right, I said snow -- IT MIGHT SNOW THIS WEEKEND! Which, in Sacramento, has not happened for almost 10 years. So that could be fun. Of course I won't actually be in Sacramento because we are heading down to San Francisco for another 30th birthday party for some of Garrett's friends that was originally supposed to be outdoors but has now turned into a pub crawl. Good choice. This basically means I am going to spend my weekend drinking Irish Coffees and laughing hysterically I'm certain.
So you know, things are looking up.
Happy Weekend friends!