It’s always sort of a delicate balance determining what to talk here. Am I writing for myself, being a documentarian? Should I tell you my opinions about irritating things that are eating at me (politics, current events, etc.)? Should I be as honest as some of my most inner thoughts? Should I tell you the boring and mundane minutiae of my life? Am I holding back?
When I started this blog back in 2006, I did it as sort of an experiment. People kept telling me I should write more and I thought to myself– where the hell am I supposed to do that-- Time Magazine??? Sure, I’ll get right on that. But I had happened to have just found some blogs (that I still read today) and thought to myself – well hell, if they can do it… It became an outlet for me, a little garden of thoughts to cultivate. Some were more interesting than others, but all in all I have enjoyed the process.
Although I love my little piece of the internet, I have found myself struggling with the direction I want this blog to go lately. I am holding back a bit and I don’t like the way that feels. I have a million things on my mind, but I get a little paralyzed about what I should and shouldn’t be talking about. Should I tell you about how going back to the gym this time around has made me feel like I’m finally finding a way to carve out some Me Time – even if it does mean I need a shower afterward? Should I tell you that I have pretty much stopped drinking coffee in lieu of tea and how much I love our tea stash drawer, not only because of its fantastic selection but because I have nostalgic Peet’s memories tied to pretty much every type of tea we own? Do I tell you about the AMAZING speaker Garrett and I saw the other night who spoke about nutrition in a way that was controversial and inspiring and then tell you about how it changed my entire outlook on healthcare in one night?
Should I tell you about the little signs in my everyday life that make me feel like I’m getting old? Should I tell you what I had for dinner or how I figure out my menu plans? Do I tell you about the book I am going to write or do I wait until my chapter outlines make a little bit more sense and I have a better idea of where I am taking it? Should I tell you about the thoughts I’ve been having on my career aspirations as of late? Do you want to see some of the interesting articles I’ve read lately? Do you want to hear about other bloggers I adore? Do I tell you about how I am constantly challenging myself to live the good life but on a bare bones budget? Do I map out the war I have going on in my mind about whether or not I can live in the suburbs forever? Will we ever find a home that is urban enough for me, yet not too Big City for Garrett? Are you interested in some events that I have been reflecting on lately that have definitely altered the course of my life?
I guess what I’m trying to say is that A LOT has been happening in my life (and even more here in this ever-active brain of mine) but I am sort of at a loss for communicating it lately. I’m an incredibly stimulation addicted Type A personality, so I am always going and doing but I’m not always ensuring there is time for reflecting even though I love the process of connecting the dots toward meaning. In the end, this is my site so I get to say what I want, right?
But that’s a little scary, knowing how the readership here has evolved recently. People from all different parts of my life read this blog. People who I don't know in person read this blog. People who don't know me from Adam read this blog. Some of you might be offended by what I say. Some of you who know me better might just think it’s business as usual around here. As someone who has never really been afraid to speak her mind, it’s a bit of uncharted territory all this hemming and hawing -- but what is most important to me is that I want to feel like I’m being honest. So I guess what I'm saying is I’m putting you on notice! :)
Things will be a changin’ around here. More opinions, more randomness, more links, more narrative non-fiction. I want this space to accurately reflect who I am and what I’m thinking. So here’s to a little more honesty around here, even if it does rock the boat a little!
Also – hey lurkers – I can see you coming and going, so if your reading, leave a comment, huh? The best part of blogs are the interactions because of it – otherwise, it’s just gets a little weird. Thanks!