Well it's been a while since I wrote anything of substance here, would you like to make some small talk to catch up? Could you believe the weather this weekend? I mean...the rain! the wind! It just made me want to curl up on the couch and stay in the same outfit for 3 days while not leaving the house watching awful Lifetime movies and eating frozen pizza! Doesn't that sound delightful?
Oh, hey -- speaking of weekends, how was yours? Oh wow, that's great. I'm so jealous, because mine? JUST ABSOLUTELY SUCKED.
I bet you would think it would be great because on Friday night I was supposed to pick Garrett up from the airport after his 6 day work trip to Des Moines, Iowa, right? Well you would think wrong, unfortunately, because Friday afternoon while I was on my way back to work from lunch, the temperature gauge in my car started acting a little funny. And by funny, I mean spazzing the hell out and then ending up in the "Red Zone" and we all know that there is nowhere in the world that the red zone is a good thing -- well except maybe in football or perhaps an Old Spice commercial but that's not the point my friends, we are talking about my car -- so stick with me here, k?!?
Obviously, car troubles are not that fun. But it especially sucks when you and your boyfriend have been driving your car (which by the way is actually his second car) to avoid the enormous oil leak and slow tire leak in his car (which is his first car). So I have a car (again, his car) that is basically boiling over at work and another car at home that really isn't begging to be driven. Fantastic! The problem? Aside from the obvious, is that I also have somewhere to be 30 minutes after I get off work and then need to pick Garrett up at the airport at 8:30. Oh wait, scratch that -- 10 PM BECAUSE HIS FLIGHT IS DELAYED! Wonderful news, right? And it was wonderful news that I was informed of when I phoned him to discuss the car situations.
I want you to truly have an understanding of this conversation...so let me help you out a bit:
Imagine, if you will, you are on a 6 day business trip where you are having super long work days, even longer "networking" type nights (as a total sidebar: ALWAYS say no to sushi when you are in a state that is nowhere even close to the ocean), and then factor in a wee bit of personal drama on the side. Are you imagining the mindset that this would put you in? Now imagine that you are on your way home from said trip, and your layover flight that you have just boarded is filled to max capacity and someone has just informed you that you will be delayed (because there isn't a pilot to fly the plane! Earth to United, get your shit together!) which means you get to sit inside said airplane for another hour, IN THE MIDDLE SEAT, without the air conditioning system turned on.
...and then your cell phone rings.
NOW, I want you to imagine you are me and have to be the person on the other line telling them that one of their cars is super broken and basically sitting out in front of the house in a puddle of radiator fluid, and you are going to take their other car that is only "sort of broken" to run your errands, and see ya at 8:30 -- whoops-- I mean 10 pm -- and hey, hopefully they turn on those air vents soon, KTHXBAI.
So, would you want to be me in that situation? SWEET BABY JESUS, that was not the most romantic phone call I have ever had in my life.
And I'll have you know once I picked Garrett up and we headed home, I immediately concocted 3 very delicious Belvedere and Tonics in a row, and then drank them like they were ice cold water and our kitchen was the SAHARA EFFING DESERT. And then, making not the best decision I have ever made, I promptly went to bed.
And that was only Friday.
Saturday morning (shocker) I awoke about noon with a gigantic throbbing headache and could not find a single bottle of Advil, Tylenol, Motrin or any other EVER LOVING PAIN RELIEVER in the house, which immediately put me in a fantastic mood! I was a chipper chicken, in fact. And did I mention that the PMS I was experiencing was like on ORANGE ALERT! So we did some errands, did a little trouble shooting with the radiator in Car Number One but then we realized that we had lost the radiator funnel and couldn't put the fluid into the car until we found it. So because I was trying to multi-task, while Garrett was looking high and low for this funnel, I threw a load of laundry in the washer. Ten minutes later, our Laundry Room floor was covered in water for absolutely no apparent reason. We're talking a sea of detergent, fabric softener, and color safe bleach from the BRAND NEW WASHER all over the BRAND NEW LINOLEUM. Honestly, I thought my head was going to explode right at that moment, and I can only assume Garrett felt the same way because his only response was to hand me car keys and to say "Please go to any auto parts store right now and just find me a radiator funnel and I'll deal with this."
I have to be honest, in that moment, all of my retail experiences flashed before my eyes and I can say with the utmost certainty that if someone had put a gun to my head and made that same request, today I would be dead (and frankly, probably in a better mood). UM....WHERE THE HELL ARE ALL THE AUTOMOTIVE STORES? I'm still not so sure, but I did drive around aimlessly for awhile thinking about all the shitty stuff that had happened this weekend, and then finally ended up at Target. Target, who by the way only carries "universal funnels" and not "radiator funnels" and whose "Automotive Section" really only consists of car wash accoutrement. WTF, Target? Who the hell even knew there was a difference in funnels by the way?
By the time I got home Garrett had cleaned things up and luckily the washer had not started leaking again, so after a few subsequent "safe" loads we left that problem alone because we had to get ready to go to the incredibly conveniently scheduled Annual Junior League Crab Feed. And as much as I wanted to skip the whole thing ($80 worth of tickets and all), I knew it would make us feel better, if for no other reason than all we had to do was show up and we were going to be served dinner. And I think if I had had to think about or even cook dinner that night, I might have just passed out and died from the effort of that single act. So right before we walked out the door I snapped the following photo and said to Garrett, "You know, years from now when we have kids and pets and houses and lives that are far more complicated than we are living now, we are going look back on this photo and laugh at the things we thought were so stressful."
And although Sunday didn't hit us with quit the same amount of URGENT DRAMA (though we did find out that Steve's Pizza is all but closing all of their locations...boo!), now that I am back at work this morning and feeling totally unrefreshed I am hoping more than ever that my pre-photo sentiment on Saturday was right.
***Yeah, not so much