Monday Musings: First World Problems Edition

I'm feeling annoyed today, and because it is Monday that is increasing it ten-fold.  Therefore, I must vent:

Complaint #1:  Bank of America Sucks Donkey Balls
I have done my banking there since 1996, and have pretty much hated them since the inception of our relationship for one reason or another, though I'm not sure there is a banking establishment out there that I would truly love.  It just kind of is what it is, and I stay because it is a pain to move everything.  HOWEVER, I recently received a random envelope in the mail from them saying "Hey, here's a new debit card because your info was potentially compromised.  Totally our bad, sorry about that."  And there were three main things that really irked me about the situation:  1)  WTF?  Potentially compromised?  The nonchalance of the letter was irritating.  2)  The card had a new number (obvs) but I had my old one memorized -- which proved very convenient when making online purchases at new retailers -- no need to dig through my wallet!  and 3)  Do you know how many things I have automatically debit out of my account?  About a million -- netflix, the gym, student loan payments...yada, yada, yada...you get it.  But let's just say in the last 3 weeks I have gotten a lot of "Something is wrong with your credit card" emails and phone calls (including a "Collections" call from 24 Hour Fitness complete with a rude ass girl on the other line demanding payment) and I would really like to just punch Bank of America in the stomach each time I have to deal with it.  

Complaint # 2:  Yahoo! You Are Dead to Me
So about a week ago I tried to sign into my Yahoo! account and got an irritating error message.  I sent the appropriate complaint and received a canned response of "We're working on it!"  And then I waited.  And sent another complaint.  And got another canned response. And waited.  And got an email with a ticket #.  And waited.  I don't know what the hell they are working on but after more than a week I still can not check my mother-loving email.  And for someone who checks their email probably 30 times a day this is...oh, how do you say...UNFUCKINGACCEPTABLE!  Everything comes to that email address.  EVERYTHING.  Obviously I am going to have to move on to another address (especially after googling this problem and reading about people who have been dealing with it for over a year...um, no) but again, now I have to figure out by trial and error exactly what I need to update.  Also, it means until Yahoo! fixes the problem everything stored in that account (aka future travel itineraries, groupons, contacts, etc) are gone.  GONE.  Ugh, the thought of it all kind of makes me ill.  I think Yahoo! and Bank of America may be in cahoots.

Complaint #3:  I miss the skin on my hands and knees
So Garrett and I joined a CrossFit Gym about a month ago (the nasty call from the 24 Hour Fitness Rep ended up being the perfect time to cancel our old gym membership...HA! Take that, bitchy chick.) and really I have loved every minute since, you know aside from the blisters on my hands and the rug burn (Yes, I injured myself doing modified push ups.  Awesome).  The first month you spend 3 days per week learning technique and most of the lifts and then do an abbreviated workout.  Abbreviated.  Yet I have pretty much been sore everyday since we joined.  So last Friday we finished our course and now I guess we get to join the rest of the folks and do the real workouts, and honestly I feel a little freaked out about it.  Sometimes I find the warm ups a challenge (embarrassing as that is to admit) so the thought of an entire 40-60 minute workout is freaking me out a bit.  I just went online and looked at our WOD for tonight and HOLY SHIT.  Now I have 10 hours to try and figure out how the hell one modifies a handstand push up.  OHMYGOD.

I think I will leave it at my top 3 complaints because, really, that is probably enough.  I don't want to get on a roll or I will never shut up and I don't need to start this day with a downward spiral in attitude.  

What's bugging you this Monday?  You know you want to vent.

Book Review: Orange is the New Black

Holy hell, this book kind of ruined me. 


Does this happen to you?  You pick up a book and it is just so delicious you can hardly put it down, but then you have to because you don't want to finish it too fast!  And then when you finally finish it you are not ready to let the characters go -- you want to know what has happened to them, what they are doing, what the next phase of their life is?  And all of a sudden you've got nothing -- no book to read, no story to be wrapped up in.  It is over, but you are not ready to move on, so of course no other book on the shelf looks enticing enough to take your mind off things.


Just ruined, you know? 


I feel like I should divulge that I am a total memoir junkie, just so you know where I'm coming from, but part of the allure of memoirs is that they are true stories (or so we hope) through which we can filter our own experiences.  So not only am I getting a good story but usually that story illuminates something about myself that I hadn't previously noticed or thought about.  This one hooked me immediately.  If you haven't heard about it already, here is a quick plot synopsis (Thank you Amazon!):

Just graduated from Smith College, Piper Kerman made the mistake of getting involved with the wrong woman and agreeing to deliver a large cash payment for an international drug ring. Years later, the consequences catch up with her in the form of an indictment on conspiracy drug-smuggling and money-laundering charges. Kerman pleads guilty and is sentenced to 15 months in a federal prison in Danbury, Connecticut. Entering prison in 2004—more than 10 years after her crime—Kerman finds herself submerged in the unique and sometimes overwhelming culture of prison, where kindness can come in the form of sharing toiletries, and an insult in the cafeteria can lead to an enduring enmity. Kerman quickly learns the rules—asking about the length of one’s prison stay is expected, but never ask about the crime that led to it—and carves a niche for herself even as she witnesses the way the prison system fails those who are condemned to it, many of them nonviolent drug offenders. An absorbing, meditative look at life behind bars.

What was so immediately compelling about this book was the way the author explains the headspace of her early twenties and the thoughts leading up to her criminal action.  That longing for adventure and this directionless feeling felt so familiar to me that I was sure the only thing responsible for our different experiences was an option in a Choose Your Own Adventure novel.  She chose a path that would land her in a federal prison, and the events leading up to that year of her serving time are like a soap opera storyline that I am so happy to have avoided, but it felt like something that could have happened to me.   

Once in prison her tales of life and female bonding were sometimes frustrating and at other times poignant, and the on-going sidebar surrounding famous Martha Stewart trial and subsequent imprisonment added an interesting complexity that I never would have even thought about had I not read this book.  Kerman really portrays the powerlessness of imprisonment and although I knew they were criminals (though mostly for petty drug offenses) I found myself rooting for inmates, taking sides, and looking at my own life and its freedoms through a completely different lens.  Sure in some ways this was a glorified tale of white upper middle class triumph, and what is interesting about that?  But it was also a surprising look into the incredible, nurturing subculture of women who do not have the luxury of maturing in regular society, but who grow up behind bars.  And tragically, so many women do.   

Besides being an interesting story in itself, Kerman is a natural storyteller and her writing draws you in.  Each chapter represents not only a progression of time in her sentence, but a lesson learned on the inside.  I found myself reading a page here and there whenever I could, and when I finally got to the end I felt robbed to no longer be surrounded by such an eclectic community of women but also relieved that Kerman was allowed her freedom again.  I actually missed the characters immediately though and tried to google all the information I could the second I closed the spine. 

Orange is the New Black was an entertaining and easy read, but below the surface of those anecdotes were so many raised questions about whether or not many of the people incarcerated today really ever have the opportunity to become functioning members of our society.  Prison forces you to live in a way that would not work in the real world, yet the transition to freedom is not something that seems to be handled in an informative way.  I felt immediately grateful for the small ways that I have been showed the ropes of my own life.  The community of people who have informed my decisions happened to have been on the right side of the law.  And this is only due to luck, and not everyone is so lucky.  It was worth pausing and having a little moment of gratitude when I was done.  This was a page turning and eye opening read, and my only complaint is that I wish it had been just a little bit longer -- I just wasn't ready for it to end.   

Happy, Indeed

I am 32 today which -- I don't know -- just seems so novel.  So adult, really.  I feel like I'm pulling the wool over someone's eyes a bit. 

In my mind there are parts of me that still feel like I'm about 21 and still wide eyed and trying to figure life out.  But then again every once in a while that little old lady inside of me comes out a bit too.  In fact tonight we are celebrating my birthday dinner at our favorite sushi place because I have a Groupon.  Holla!  Yep, I'm excited that not only do I get to have my favorite sushi, but with a coupon.  Ok, that little old lady probably comes out more than I would like to admit these days.

The other night I realized that when I met Garrett I was 25 and he was 22!  "We were just babies!" I told him, "You were barely legal!"  But it feels nice to have found someone to grow up a bit with.  I love that our relationship still has the newness and excitement that it did when we first met, but we also have 7 years of history together.  We have figured a lot of life out just the two of us, and that feels increditbly comforting. 

I recently rescued some old family home movies from my mom's garage and transferred them from 8mm to DVD.  I had to wait 3 weeks to find out what was on them and if I'm being honest I was excited about them, but mostly I was anxious.  For one, it would be the first time I had seen any video of my dad since he passed away 12 years ago and I was a little apprehensive to experience something so emotional (and believe me it was incredibly heart-wrenching just to hear his voice again.)  But my other anxiety had more to do with seeing myself at around age 12 because ohmygod, AWKWARD!  Bad clothing!  Terrible hair!  Immature behavior! OH MY!  Why didn't anyone tell me?  (Oh wait, they probably did.)  There really should not be any visual evidence left of anyone's adolescent years, am I right?  

Anyway, so the other night I put in one of the DVDs for Garrett and together we had a good laugh.  With that 7 years behind us, he has not only gotten to know me well, but has become very well acquainted with all the members of my family so I think he was especially excited to see all of their awkward moments as well.  The 90s were such a goldmine of bad fashion decisions, I cringe, but it was hysterical to enjoy all of us at our silliest.  Well at least until I realized that we were watching video from 20 years ago and -- OMG, WHERE DID THE TIME GO WHEN DID I GET SO OLD? 

One of the many home videos on the DVD from my dad's 37th birthday.  His arrival home from work and subsequently getting the dogs all riled up and excited as he was wont to do.  My mom narrating as she filmed about all the fun things in store for the evening.  There was vido of him admiring the banner that I had painstaikingly illustrated in Print Shop and printed on our black and white dot matrix printer.  It was just a real slice of Americana, and it was so odd to think that this was our lives then.  Even weirder to think about was that on that day my dad was turning 37 -- only 5 years older than I am now.  I can remember it so vividly, standing excitedly in my denim cutoffs and my Stanford sweatshirt -- at the time I was sure that was where I was going to college (BAHAHAHAHA!).  

Then came the rest of the family, and of course all of it was on film, my grandparents showing up, my aunts, uncles, and cousins.  Everyone spending the evening clinking glasses in celebration.  My dad was just so damn happy to be celebrating with his family, eating cake, cracking jokes, opening presents -- and just being his normal happy go-lucky self around his peeps.  It was wonderful to see and remember.  Knowing the backstory, he had a lot of stuff going on in his life right then, but you never would have known it because on that night he was just so present and enjoying the moment of celebrating with the people he loved the most. 

That touched me for a million reasons that I won't even get into, but the most powerful takeaway for me was that he was turning 37 that year -- and sadly only 5 short years later he would be gone.  You just never know how long you have or how many of these precious and fleeting moments you will get to enjoy, you know?  And no matter what is going on, I want to enjoy those moments just like he did.  Today, even though I am a year older and it's fun to whine about all of that, I am also trying to remind myself all day how lucky I am just to be here.  How lucky I am to have adorable coworkers make a big deal this morning, to have my family send cute text messages all day, to get emails from friends, cards in my mailbox, to have tweets and Facebook messages find their way to me, and to be having dinner with my favorite guy (WITH MY DAMN COUPON!).  This is a splendid life that I get to live and I don't want to take a minute of it for granted. 

I want 32 to be a year of being present and grateful.  

September: Revisited

September was a very good month, which might seem odd since I hardly uttered a peep around these parts, but I think that is part of it. I did not pressured myself to do a single thing: not blogging, cooking, scheming, nor achieving. Absolutely no pressure. And it was kind of liberating. It’s definitely a new attitude for me, but it is a good one, that will probably stick around. If you can believe it, I actually made To-Do lists throughout the month, and then mostly crumpled them and put them in the trash, opting to read a book or have a nice conversation instead. If this sounds super lazy to you, I totally get it. It sounds a little lazy to me, but it was part of my September Goals, and I ran with it. It wasn’t all Couch Potato-ing though, promise.


Here’s what I was up to:


Healthy Living

*For starters, I have lost 25 lbs since August! And there is no one more amazed at this than me. I am mostly amazed because – well, it just hasn’t been a struggle and I don’t know about you but I associate weight loss with struggle, deprivation, and general irritation. I feel so damn happy to have discovered a way of eating that works for me, that my body is responding super positively, and that I am feeling the best I have felt in years.

*I have also been getting a ton more sleep – so maybe there has been a little bit of Couch Potato-ing. But I think that has probably helped with the whole “the best I have felt in years” feeling. I am really listening to my body instead of just pushing through and I think that it is important. When my Naturopath recommended getting 8-10 hours of sleep per night I pretty much laughed in his face. But I have tried to make rest a priority, and what do you know I have found 8-9 hours of sleep per weeknight and sometimes 10+ on the weekends. It won’t be like this forever -- I have no intention of sleeping my life a way, but it feels good to listen to my body, so for now, sleep is good!


Why My Neighbors Hate Me

*Mostly because we have been the cause of jackhammering and other sundry construction hullabaloo between the hours of 7-8am lately. We are doing a major overhaul on our front and backyard and there has been some serious dust and noise. I always feel bad when it is noisy, but when I weigh it against the eyesore of a yard that my neighbors have had to look at for the last 3 years I think that it will be worth it for in the end. I've taken some before pics and and a few during a bit of construction so when the whole thing is done I will show you a whopper of a Before and After.  I am sooooo ready for a new yard. 


Snuggle-Fest 2010 in Full Effect

*Well, my cousin Kelly had her baby – an adorable little girl with miniature munchable cheeks! That's my mom holding her in the third picture and you can bet after one session of snuggling she was like "HOLLY, CAN YOU HAVE A BABY NOW?"  "OK, WHAT ABOUT NOW?"  "NOW?"

*Excuse the iPhone photos, but really, grabbing my camera is the last thing I am thinking about when hanging out with this precious one.  My thoughts generally vascillate between OMG so cute and OMG am I going to break her?  Understandably, I leave the camera in my purse. 

 And that’s the scoop.


In sum, life is good my friends.  Life is good.

Schooled

Look, Facebook is the devil.  I know.  I hear it from Garrett all the time, since he refuses to join (even though he is the only person I know who loves just about every single person he went to high school with.  For real.)  I once read a funny status update that said "Remember when stalking via the internet was weird and creepy?  Now it's just what we all do at work on Thursday mornings when we're bored"  and I am convinced truer words have never been spoken.  I'm sure it won't end well, and at least I'll admit that I sometimes have a Crisis of Douchery when I'm posting about what I'm doing, or what I'm thinking or what I'm cooking -- but, hey! everyone else is doing it, so why the hell not?   (Though for the record, no I don't want to jump of that bridge with you.  Sorry dude, gotta draw the line somewhere.) 

That said, there are moments on Facebook where the brilliance is just too, well...brilliant for me not share.  So with that, I present you this Q&A for your reading enjoyment.  Maybe you will learn something too! 

That right there is the *Magic* of Facebook.

Whatever Happened to Macauley Culkin Anyway?

I recently had to stop watching Criminal Minds and if I'm being honest, I'm still mourning the loss of some regular Shemar Moore action.  He is a fox, and if I had one of those celebrity freebie lists, he'd totally be on it but I long ago decided those lists were not for Garrett and I you see, because Garrett has poor celebrity judgment.  The only evidence I ever need to present is the fact that before we started dating he had Lindsay Lohan posters adorning his walls -- IN THE LIVING ROOM.  Um, case closed.  Granted, that was back in 2004 pre-rehab and she was pretty cute, but still.  I think we can all agree that based on that information Garrett is NEVER allowed a celebrity freebie, so obviously it's only fair that I refrain myself.  

I used to get my Shemar fix almost nightly watching old reruns but our rendezvous ( wait - how do you make that word plural?) eventually had to come to an end because of my house.  You see my house is old -- old and creaky and did  you know old creaky houses make noises when the temperature changes?  Well they do, and because I have watched way too many episodes of Criminal Minds I can tell you that my house makes the exact noises that a prowler would make if he were slyly shuffling on our hardwood floors.  My old, creaky house also makes the exact noises that a crazy rapist serial killer would make if there were one living in my attic.  And they say television isn't educational!  The point is watching Criminal Minds was not helping me relax at the end of a long day, so I had to call it quits.  But I miss it desperately! 

Speaking of desperately missing, Garrett is in New Mexico for 11 days visiting his parents and I can count on one hand how many times we have slept apart for that long in our 5 year relationship.  I know that sounds terribly Liza Minelli/David Guest, but it's the truth.  Sure we do weekends away from each other a lot, or overnighters here and there, we're not total psychos, but this is like A WHOLE WEEK LONGER THAN THAT. To say it has disrupted my routine is not surpring.  With no kids and no pets, coming home and downloading my day to the artwork hanging on the walls just isn't quite as validating you know?  There's no one waiting for me at home to have dance parties to bad 90s music or to throw steaks on the grill so when I pull into the driveway our whole yard smells delicious.  The vibe is a little different and I am vacillating between acting like a total single gal and feeling sorry for myself.  Consequently I have also watched like 900 episodes of Who's the Boss -- I'm not sure if that counts as acting single or feeling sorry for myself, but at least it's been quite entertaining.  That was a good show and I miss those kinds of happy family comedies.  When does Modern Family come back on, by the way?  Anyway, as you can probably imagine all of this alone time has helped me harness my inner-spaz so tightly that I am now so afraid of every little creak in the house that I may officially qualify as medically paranoid.  Which is why waking up this morning to find a man with a mask on and chainsaw in my backyard was more than a little unpleasant. 

Apparently this man  was just there to cut down a portion of my next door neighbors' dying tree that was hanging in our backyard but I will let you know that was of little consequence for a multitude of reasons, including:  A) DUDE IT WAS SEVEN IN THE MORNING and B) IT WAS A STRANGE MAN IN A MASK WITH A CHAINSAW.  I had let myself hit the snooze a few times -- mostly because I had woken up no less than 5 times throughout the night certain there was a masked man in my kitchen -- but instead of that enjoying that extra sleep time and waking rested and refreshed I was startled awake by the sound of Leatherface outside our bedroom sliding glass door.  Oh City of Sacramento, had I wanted that much adrenaline before 8am I would have just added a shot to my Go Girl, mmmkay?  Please take note. 

So pre-coffee sparring with Leatherface aside, I had actually made a plan of how I was going to enjoy this time while Garrett was away.  Determined to not spend my evenings at home alone counting my heart palpitations, I had committed to a vigorous workout and socializing schedule which was fine in theory, but pretty much blew up in practice last night.  When I got to my weightlifting class yesterday all the platforms, weight bars, and dumbbells were taken, even though I was 15 minutes early.  Jerks!  I love that class and I had actually been excited to workout only to be totally dissed by a room full of spandex clad cougars.  There I was stuck at the gym with no iPod to speak of, on a treadmill, parked in front of the only TV showing Bill O'Reilly of all things.  Every other TV had nice normal gym programming like The Food Network, and I get Bill Effing O'Reilly.  I will save you the suspense and tell you that my workout did not last long and I went home feeling a bit dejected, mostly because that was supposed to take up a good hour and a half -- what with working out and then showering afterward -- and instead I got home about 30 minutes after I left and I hadn't even broken a sweat.  At least my package from Amazon.com had arrived while I was gone so it wasn't a total bust.  

Tonight I think I'm going to try working out again (I will bring my iPod for backup just in case) and I was hoping to then have a leisurely night catching up on my DVR, but when I stopped home for lunch this afternoon I discovered my cable AND my internet were out. 

No cable.  And No Internet. 

You know what this means, right?  There is a high probability that tonight it will just be me and the house. 

Home Alone.

And well, I think this pretty much sums up my feeling on that: 

I Love This

via

In Case You Ever Need To Know

A mid-day meme, because...well, because why not, really?


Six things I could live without, but it wouldn't be pretty:

1.  Internet
2.  A Book Light (Hello, I'm a nerd, and must read in bed Every Single Night to fall asleep)
3.  Coffee (I mean, that's like not even an option.  How will I do it when I'm preggo?)
4.  Cell Phone
5.  Reality TV
6.  A Huge Purse (Garrett calls my purse my gym bag, but you know what?  I like to keep a lot of shit on hand, ok?  And I'm not gonna change anytime soon!)

Six movies I've never seen before:

I don't really like watching movies, except in the theater, so this list is long.  Here's the abbreviated version:

1.  Casablanca
2.  Schindler's List
3.  Annie Hall
4.  Die Hard
5.  Julie & Julia (Couldn't get through it, what a slog!)
6.  New Moon

I know, Roger Ebert would be ashamed.

Six pet peeves:

1.  Gum Smacking
2.  Passive Aggressive Behavior
3.  Automated Phone Systems
4.  Telemarketers calling my house in the evening
5.  When someone walks in a door before me and lets it slam in my face
6.  People who whine and complain (even though yes, I know I do this at times myself -- that doesn't mean it's not annoying)

Six things I really love doing:

1.  Taking Naps
2.  Cooking dinner after a long day at work (especially if it involves lots of chopping)
3.  Road Trips
4.  Curling up with a good book
5.  Getting up early
6.  Having conversations when you feel like you just click with someone

Six TV shows I really enjoy:

1.  Criminal Minds
2.  Any sort of Dateline/48 Hours/20 20 type Mystery
(Though both of these shows made me feel certain that someone was breaking into my house every single night when the house would creak, so now I am trying to cut back on the anxiety inducing television, ya know?)
3.  Psych
4.  Mad Men
5.  Jersey Shore  (I'm sorry, I am in love with this show and I don't care who knows about it!)
6.  The Soup

Six jobs I have held:

1.  Barista - Starbucks (groan)
2.  Barista - Peet's Coffee & Tea
3.  Manager - Peet's Coffee & Tea
(10+ Years in the coffee industry -- it's partly why I can not even go a day without it. Ever.)
4.  Commercial Underwriter
5.  Insurance Trainer
6.  Um, I haven't had 6 jobs?  I have only worked for 3 companies over the last 16 years.  Call me loyal!

Six books I've never read:

1.  Anything by Faulkner
2.  Anything by Jack Kerouac
3.  Anything by George Orwell
4.  Anything by Joseph Heller
5.  Anything by L. Ron Hubbard
6.  The Final Twilight Book -- what's it called again?  Yeah, didn't read it even though I invested the time in the other 3.

...and, hey look, they still gave me an English Degree, so there!

Six movies I will always watch if they are on:

1.  Legally Blonde
2.  Shag
3.  The Sound of Music (If you turn this off, you are a communist!)
4.  Son-in-Law
5.  Old School
6.  Love Actually

Monday Musings on a Tuesday

*For the record, I can not get enough of 3 day weekends.  It is so nice to go back to work feeling refreshed rather than my usual chorus on a Monday, which is:  "WHY NOT JUST ONE MORE DAY???"

*I have started reading these books by Kathy Reichs.  You all are probably smart and already know all about her, but I am perpetually late to the party and just found out about her.  She writes series books about a Forensic Anthropologist and her books are the basis for the TV Series Bones.  Did you know this?  I totally didn't know that show was based on books!  I'm DVRing it now, even though I need another show to DVR like I need a hole in the head.  The thing is I love series books, and my secret fantasy is that someday I will do something glamorous like analyze dead bodies and stuff.  I know, you all think I'm morbid and weird now, but I promise I'm not.  I'm just fascinated by Forensics in general, so these books are a fun brain candy gem of a find.  Do you know how I found them?  Amazon sent me another dumb email recommending her.  It sort of freaks me out how Amazon knows me so well.  But the day I got that email I also hear an interview with her on NPR, so the coincidence sealed the deal and I hit up the library.  And I'm so happy I did.  Do you have any good series books to recommend of the mystery/thriller/sciencey  genre?  Do Tell. 

*So every since my naturopath recommended I do some carb-cutting and find some freaking balance, Garrett and I have pretty much switched up to a completely Paleo/Primal diet.  Oh you guys, I feel so douchey every time I say that because really, who needs to qualify their food choices with a catchy name, right?  But HOLY SHIT IT WORKS.  I've lost almost 20 pounds, which is nice, but more importantly I feel amazing.  And I'm not eating anything weird, counting calories or points, or flagellating myself for wanting to eat real food.  In fact I enjoyed the most bad ass grass-fed burger with smoked Gouda this weekend and woke up this morning and had lost weight.  Score!  It's basically a diet that includes lots of veggies, meat, fish, fruit, nuts, and seeds.  The only things I've really eliminated are sugar and anything with grains.  And let me tell you I miss that stuff about as much as I miss the 20lbs I've lost.  It's been awesome. 

*Totally Random:  Can we discuss Harem Pants?  Does anyone besides Gwen Stefani wear them?  Why do people want to walk around wearing something that makes them look like they've dropped a giant load in their pants.  I can not wrap my brain around this.  They even sell them at the GAP.  Don't even get me started on what the hell has happened to the GAP.  I think I might be getting old. 

*Speaking of getting old (Just Kidding!) today is my cousin Kelly's birthday and this is a very exciting birthday indeed.  Not only is she turning 23 (+10), hat tip to Kristie for that one, but also she is about 3 days shy of her due date.  As in, she is about to have the cutest baby girl on the planet (I'm sure of it!) and honestly, I really can't wait.  Kelly is pretty much my best friend in the whole wide world, and as an only child she is the closest thing I have to a sister.  And after all of our years of debauchery and stupidity and silliness (and that's just the good times) she is about to become a Mom!  And you guys I CAN HARDLY FREAKING WAIT!  I'm pretty much counting the minutes to snuggly new baby smell and I'm excited. 

So that's what's new around these parts -- What kind of trouble did you all get into this weekend?

On Balance and September Goals

So I made some goals in July -- actually more like 900 hundred goals, or at least it kind of felt that way. 

Then I made some goals in August -- which pretty much was the reactionary "effing relax why dontcha? Jeeeez" 

And this, friends, it the pace of my life always.  Conceive, Commit, Complete...and then Collapse for a bit. Lather, Rinse, Repeat.  I have so much I want to dream and do and be, and I just have no idea how to be balanced about it, but it is starting to become a struggle.      

As you know I have been writing about my quest to become healthier before Garrett and I have a baby over at Bodies in Motivation.  There are many parts of this whole quest, but the biggest one for me initially was figuring out where I am at currently, healthwise.  I started seeing a Naturopath and he started with a battery of bloodwork, hormone tests, and neurotransmitter tests.  (What the hell is a neurotransmitter?  They are the chemicals that are involved in synaptic brain function -- the common ones you have probably heard of are Glutamate, Acetylcholine, Dopamine, and Seratonin.) 

Scientific gobbledygook aside, the results were pretty interesting, definitely shocking and can  be drilled down to one thing:  I'm kind of a stress mess.  I'm delving into the specifics over at Bodies this week, so if you are interested in that, check that out, but the biggest worry the doctor had for me was about my lifestyle -- and we aren't talking diet, weight, exercise or any of that normal stuff you think about when you think of a doctor lecturing you. 

"You need to find more balance." 

Apparently a few systems in my body have crashed from stress (actually his exact words were "People with lab work like this generally have problems getting out of bed") which I thought was funny because I said to him "I certainly don't feel stressed."  And he agreed that I definitely don't come across as someone who is down in the dumps or freaking out.  But upon further examination of my activities, my habits, my goals and my timelines he shook his head and said"

"It's nice to want to be a better person and make the world a better place, but what good is it really doing if you are killing yourself at the same time?"

And really, I can't argue with that.  Pretty simply, no good can come from that.  So I have spent the last week or two trying to figure out what balance looks like for me and seriously, THIS IS HARD, YO.  I can always think of something to get done, something I need to squeeze in, something I should be doing, or a goal I could be working toward.  And frankly, I really like that part of myself -- it's what gives me drive, motivation, and completing those things gives me a huge sense of self worth and self esteem.  It's hard to put the brakes on that. 

But there is definitely work to be done.  I mean, I think deep down I know that it is not normal to get up at 5am to read.  If I am too tired to read in the afternoon or at night, maybe I need to take a listen to what my body is trying to tell me instead of setting my alarm for an hour earlier to circumvent the issue, you know?

With all of that said, September's Goals are going to be a little anti-climatic:
*Sleep at least 8 hours per night
*Prioritize leisure activities like reading, cooking, and writing
*Continue exercising 3 days per week and quit feeling guilty that you aren't doing it 5-6x
* Notice when I am pushing myself and ask "Does this have to be done right now?"

Some people might say that looks like the easiest goal list known to man -- a lazy man's manifesto even.  To this overactive, overachieving, overcommiting crazy person, this may just be my greatest challenge yet. 

So since you are here, let me ask ya:  How do you find balance in your life?  I would love any advice you have to give -- from mini, to life changing!

What I Want vs. What I Got (It's like dueling banjos up in here!)

*I hope this post title did not get either of the two annoying songs in your head that I now have in my head.  My fingers are crossed.

What I want:

• An unlimited Gift Card to Burpee
• A weekend out of town
• The Day Off
• Sushi Delivery  for lunch
• A Giant Pool and a Grotto to come home to tonight
• Cocktails to have by said pool
• A beautifully catered dinner on our lounge chairs by the pool

What I've Got:

• Plenty of time to save for the stuff I want to plant in Fall
• A weekend that includes pickling, reading, and wine-tasting
• Hey, at least today is Friday
• Homemade Chili for lunch, and that is free, yo!  (sort of)
• The second set of landscapers coming by this afternoon to address our front and back yard.  No Porno Pool planned, but I am getting an Extreme Garden Makeover (yay!)
• There is champagne in the fridge for when I get home from the gym tonight
• Tandoori Chicken is in the fridge marinating, and I will happily (and let's be real, probably sweatily since I will be post-gym) chow down on it on my couch with Garrett.

All in all, things aren't exactly perfect, but on this Friday they are looking pretty good from where I am sitting.

August 23, 1998

I will type this date over and over again today.


August 23rd.


It is a normal Monday around here, there is nothing particularly notable happening. I will go to work, I will see some friends. I will hit the gym and cook dinner. I will take a long hot shower at the end of a full and productive day and although it will certainly feel relaxing it will never wash away the memory of this day 12 years ago.


The memory of my father sitting outside by the pool in his blue t-shirt and shorts, breathing in the fresh air pondering why he felt under the weather. The way he walked into the house with a look of fear on his face. The way his 6’4 frame crumpled to the ground quicker than my brain could process what was going on, the way the hue of his lips and face changed almost instantly and began to match his clothing.

*

Panic in the abstract it seems like it would be this quick heart palpitating adrenaline rush, but in real life, though panic does lights the fire, it is a slow, steady and painful burn. Time stops when you evaluate the fact that there is a person at your feet who isn’t breathing. The seconds tick by as your protector becomes the person who needs to be protected. You assume this new role with every fearful breath your own body takes. Emergency calls are placed but it’s like talking underwater -- these words that are coming out of your mouth are unrecognizable, you hear them, but they can’t be yours. This can’t actually be happening. In seconds there are strangers in your home, someone else is in charge. There are needles on the ground, sinking into the carpet. There is nothing quick about panic -- time actually seems to be moving in slow motion, so much so that you become aware of everything. The smells and the thickness of the air become overwhelming, but the more you breathe, the more you are reminded that not everyone is so lucky.

*
 Being told my father was gone in a bright white hospital that had sunshine busting through every single window was like a joke with the most offensive punch line. His heart stopped, there was nothing else we could do.  They call Time of Death and it feels like a bad television show.  I look at the clock and recognize it as the same clocks from elementary school.  I wonder if they all order from the same catalog.  I am clinging to anything familiar.  We sat side by side, my mom and I, in a sad little office in leathery uncomfortable chairs as we listened to the doctor.  Here is a pamphlet that explains what happens next.  I feel sad for whoever has to write those pamphlets.  Knowing their work is going to reach people when they are at their worst.  It's thankless.  The hospital will store the body until you can make funeral arrangements, do you know who you are going to call?


The body.


I wonder how they can call him a body while my mom crumples beside me, the second crumpling parent I’ve seen today. It is freezing and I am overwhelmed by the smell of chemicals. I am 19 with my whole life ahead of me, yet I can't even fathom what life will look like anymore in this moment. Do people often know who they are going to call in these situations? I can’t imagine people carrying around funeral home information in their purse, but maybe I am wrong.


Though I would like to believe I am, and have spent hours trying to convince others, I am not an adult. And today, I finally realize that. Today I woke up as a child, but that chapter has been slammed shut without my consent and all of that is now changing. You cannot remain a child when you have to leave one third of your family in this cold, dead environment, knowing that you will never see him again.  You cannot remain a child once you have experienced this kind of loss. 


How do you go back to the house that is filled with him – with his warmth and his laughter, with his hamper full of just worn clothes and his pillow that still smelling like him? What do you do with his cologne on the bathroom counter, the one’s he let you pick out because you were his little girl and he always wanted your opinion? How do you look at his handwriting all over notes that he has left to you and left to himself? Notes that were once reminders and are now some of the only reminders left.


How does one do this at the age of 19?

*

For starters she puts her mother back in the car and drives her back home to the house. She puts one foot in front of the other and picks up the one remaining needle on the living room floor. She stops to laugh at the ridiculousness of the situation and to cry at the devastation. She gives hugs and gets angry. She protects her memories as she falls off to sleep each night. She sees family and sees friends. Eventually she goes back to work. She hits the gym and she cooks dinner. She takes long, hot showers at the end of productive days.


But twelve years later, she still wakes up and can’t believe that he is gone.

Ask And You Shall Receive

Wasn't I just bitching that I wanted some inspirational resources about improving my writing?  I opened my Reader this morning and found this:  60 Tips to Improve Your Non Fiction Writing

I've been dying to get back to doing some yoga and today's Deal Ticket and Living Social Deal were both Yoga-centric.  (Though neither really worked out for me, I thought it was kind of a coincidence!)

Lately I've been trying to sell Garrett on the idea of getting bikes.  Not fancy bikes, just fun bikes -- we LOVE riding bikes yet we don't actually own bikes and I just think that's ridiculous, hence my prodding.  Today, I got an email from my old roommate that she is sending her old mountain bike up with her brother who is coming into town and he's going to drop it off at my house!  Hooray for giving away stuff you aren't using!  

Wanna join our bike gang?  We are pretty fierce?

(This picture is actually a picture from a biking wine tour with friends and family in Sonoma and while I'm doing some asking I'd just like to say right now, Universe, that I'd like another one of those, ok?)

I've been having a bit of wanderlust but bemoaning the fact that everything costs SO! MUCH! MONEY! but it turns out I have to do a bit of traveling for work and Garrett and I may turn that into a long weekend in Yosemite.  Also we are trying to plan sometime to go see his parents who live in New Mexico and all of a sudden it hit me -- Southwest Roadtrip, maybe?  A car rental, overnights with friends, and some downtime with parentals sound like a pretty affordable getaway, no?  Plus I keep forgetting that I am going to Chicago in November!  Well, not really forgetting, but now that it's getting closer it just seems so exciting!  Wanderlust, I will tame you.   

It feels so nice when things in life just align, you know?  Just wanted to take a minute to document my gratitude!

And of course brainstorm for some badass things to ask for -- what do you wish the Universe would drop in your lap?

Monday Musings

*I got up this morning and tried on a pair of jeans that used to be snug.  They fit!  And their pockets contained money, coffee coupons, and lip gloss.  HELLO, Best! Monday! Ever!

*I'm reading like a maniac right now and pretty much want to kiss my library on the mouth.  Granted, Elizabeth is laughing at my when I say that I'm sure, but for me -- Maniacal Reading!   Have you read anything life changing lately?  What's on your list to-read?  I must continue to obsessively add to my HOLD list at the library -- help a girl out! 

*While my reading is getting better, my writing is actually getting worse.  Lately I feel like my writing has gotten super lazy.  I actually felt embarrassed reading this article because it made me feel like a walking "DON'T" straight out of the pages of Glamour magazine...but you know, for writers.   I need to fix that.  Maybe a book?  Or writing workshop?  Any advice/ideas are welcome.  What do you do to get out of a writing rut?  I need to do something about it. 

*Um, this post is not it.   :) 

*Speaking of Glamour, I hate that magazine and it still comes to my house every month as a sad publisher replacement for my Domino subscription and I HATE HATE HATE IT AND WHEN WILL IT END??? It immediately goes into the recycling bin every time I get it.   

*I have spent the last two weeks not eating sugar, flour, wheat, dairy and at the risk of sounding cliche (here come those lazy writing skills again) it has TOTALLY CHANGED MY LIFE.  And also, I lost 12 pounds!  Unintentionally.  I didn't give up all those things for weight loss, that was just a happy side effect.   I can't even wrap my brain around all of it so I'm going to put it down on paper over at Bodies in Motivation this week.  In case you missed my most recent post (that is totally not about the last 2 crazy weeks) head over and check it out and answer my question, would ya?

*I went back to the gym this weekend after a pretty long hiatus (I've been struggling with some Plantar Fasciitis pain in my left foot and taking it easy) and sweet baby jesus my whole body is so sore it is ridiculous.  I hate this feeling.  Wearing a bra hurts.  Not putting on the bra, though that hurts too, but actually wearing it, doing nothing, just sitting -- HURTS.  It hurts to sit, it hurts to stand, it hurts to go from sitting to standing and I'm pretty sure everyone around me is sick of the 48 chorus I've been repeating of "OHMYGOD - ow!"  It's a pretty pathetic sight, actually.  I'm thinking maybe this will force me back into Hot Yoga for some serious streeeeeetching.  A new studio opened up right by my house and I kind of want to check it out.  We'll see....

What's new with you, peeps?

August Goals

This is one of those times when having a blog makes me feel a little bit self conscious.  Because life right now?  Is kind of a snore.  But it is a delicious snore, I promise, and it is very much by design. 

You see July was a huge month for me.  I got back on the list making bandwagon set out to acheive a million things, and ended up doing quite a few.  While I was making that list last month I sort of forgot that there would be other things going on besides just Getting Stuff Done.  I do that sometimes, some call it having unrealistic expectations, I call it hoping for the best!  But there were definitely other things going on:  things like happy hours, wine nights, birthday parties, baby showers, time with family, small dinners at home --  Wonderful things!  But still things, you know?  Things that take time.  And energy.

And also while I was making that list last month I sort of forgot this one thing about myself, and it is the thing that I am perpetually forgetting when someone mentions cocktails, or a night out, or a party, or a new restaurant that we should try, or a weekend trip, or a good show at one of my favorite bars -- I Love To Be Alone.  I am a pretty outgoing person, I'm very much on the go by choice, so much so that I have to sometimes have to remind Garrett that I like being alone and he just gives me that raised eyebrow look that says you can't bullshit a bullshitter.  But it's true.  I love it.  I absolutely love being alone.

And sometimes I feel like I should whisper that.  Like it's a character flaw.

But the truth is, carving out alone time for myself has become harder and harder over the past few years.  I've met wonderful people, I've managed to find a partner who makes me swoon, I've moved in with him, my family is all finally all relatively close together -- there is so much abundance!  But sometimes amidst all that abundance I forget to carve out the time for my own recharging.  It's this fatal flaw that I have and I want to be better about it.  This week I have done a few things in pursuit of that recharge.  

The other night when Garrett was working late I had a 4 hour stretch of luxurious time to myself.  I beer-braised a chicken, roasted some vegetables, I organized my kitchen,  wrote in my journal, I did some laundry, I blasted the stereo, I made a pillow fort on my couch and watched Friday Night Lights.  I spent a good chunk of time just being, not trying to do something, produce something, read something on the internet, respond to something, email someone, call someone -- none of it.  I just did exactly what I felt like.  I collapsed into my bed later that night refreshed and ready to take on the week.

Yesterday I took the day off of work for absolutely no reason.  A Mental Health Day, I told my boss -- and that's just what it was.  I slept in.  Ate a leisurely breakfast.  Opened all the windows and doors in my house and drank coffee with a Delta Breeze blowing through the house that felt way more autumn than summer. I went to Target.  I went to the library.  I napped.  I read.  I didn't take the day off for any particular reason exept to do exactly what I felt like when I felt like it. 

And although these things were necessary and rejuvinating and decadent -- I fully acknowledge that they aren't super blog-worthy.  I didn't spend the last week at a conference, meeting people I felt like I already knew.  I wasn't having life changing experiences over fancy meals or breathtaking views.  I wasn't taking a trip, I wasn't crossing things off my Life List.  I wasn't taking gorgeous photographs of even more gorgeous writers.   I was just here.  Being myself.  Being quiet.  Honoring a part of me that doesn't get to the front of the line that often.  And honestly it was as rejuvenating as if I had been on the trip of a lifetime.  With less unpacking!  And I want more of that feeling.  And I think this August, I'm going to make that happen.  

July: Revisited

So I probably should have posted this, you know, on the first of the month but I like to think my lagging is more of a representation on how I'm going to treat August -- and that is being lazy.  It's last month of summer, and since the weather has been so fantastic (I can't even believe I am saying that) I want to enjoy that. Sure I will have goals (which I will probably post, you know, sometime) but I am definitely going to do a little more relaxing because man July was a busy one! Along with a 30th birthday extravaganza in Chico, a baby shower here in town, and a number of extra curricular work related things, I also managed to put a few other things on my list. 

 Here were my intentions for July, and in blue how I actually measured up:

 Health and Wellness

*Make Appointment with Naturopathic Doctor - Done! And I actually went to that appointment and it was awesome. I'll have to tell you about it.
*Make Appointment with Dermatologist to get skin checked - Done! Though I have a follow up appointment (eek!) because there were some "irregularities." That word sucks.
*Workout 15 times - I did not do this. And, um, let's just leave it at that for now :)
*Get Haircut - I also did not do this. I don't know what my mental block is with stupid haircuts, it takes me forever to make an appointment!
*Get Pedicure (Trust me, this counts as Wellness! haha) Oh HELL YES, and my "A Good Mandarin is Hard to Find" toenails thank me for it.


Relationships

*Plan a Date Night Outing with Garrett - We sort of did this.  Actually, I have a whole post brewing in my head about how I feel about "date night" and those expectations.   
*Cook Dinner for Family or Friends at least twice - Yes!  I cooked a Surf and Turf extravaganza for my mom's birthday, and I did some cooking for Garrett and his uncles one weekend, and my mom and I had a girls weekend where we made some fun dinners.  Good cooking all around, this month. 
*Think of a thoughtful, creative present for my Mom's Birthday - I think I did that, you should ask my mom.  :)
*Have a Girls Night Out! - Well my official Girls Night Out was postponed, but my mom and I did have a girls weekend, so I think that counts!


Cooking and Baking


*Make Jam - Done!  And it was awful, or I totally would have blogged it.  I tried my hand at Nectarine Raspberry Freezer Jam, and although it was okay, I can officially say I hate Freezer Jam. 
*Meal Plan for the next 4 weeks - Done. 


Intellectual Pursuits

*Read and Review 4 books (on the blog or Goodreads) - Done! Are you on Goodreads?  Why are we not friends?
*Submit one piece of writing to a website that is not your own - Hey, did you hear?  I'm writing for Bodies In Motivation now.   

Career
I postponed all of this until August


*Finish Coursework for 2nd Exam of Insurance Designation
*Schedule 2nd Exam
*Purchase Materials for 3rd Exam


Home


*Paint Guest Bedroom - Nope.
*Clean Out Closet - Yep.
*Do a Goodwill Run  - Yep.
*Narrow Down Options for Landscape Contractors - Yep. 


Money and Budget


*Try (really I mean it, honestly, try) to keep grocery budget under $400 - Uh, to be revisited.  But mostly No, I did not keep our grocery budget under $400. 
*Revise Our Monthly Budget  - Also to be revisited another time


I have to say I feel pretty good overall.  I may have set my expectations pretty high as far as things to accomplish, but that definitely motivated me.  August is going to include a little more relaxing, but still a number of new and exciting things.  I'm looking forward to it!

Check!

So, remember how I mentioned one of my July Goals was to submit a piece of writing to a website other than my own? Well, just under the gun, I'm happy to announce that I'm going to be checking that one off the list!  I will be writing over at Bodies in Motivation regularly and sharing my health and fitness journey over there, and I'm really excited to be getting back to prioritizing my own health.  

My first post is up today and I'd love it if you came by and said hi.  It feels pretty personal just letting all this stuff hang out, but Bodies has been a great source of inspiration for me on my own quest to be my best self, so I'm hoping that maybe my journey can help inspire someone else to explore what their own plan for their health is. 

Hope you guys like it!

What's For Dinner?

The day has just begun and I'm already hungry :)

I Am Too Old For This $h!t...

You are only as young as you feel and all that, and this post is in no way me declaring my old lady-ness, but lately I have realized that there are some things that I used to love or be very involved in that I just can no longer get behind.  Here is the abbreviated list:

• Friday thru Sunday weekend trips that involve flying (unless it is for something Super BADASS, of course)
• Trying to connect with people who can't put their cell phones down
• Weeknight shows that are in San Francisco when I have to work the next day
• Picking up my life and starting over in a different city without a SIGNIFICANT raise in pay
• Girl Drama

(RIP cute and perky Lindsay...)

• Moving every year
• Dying my hair (oh the bad hair color I have sported!)
• Starting a night out at 10 pm
• Piercings in places other than my ears
• Passive Agressive Facebook/Twitter Statuses

(Although regular Passive Aggressive Notes still make me laugh...)

What are you too old for???

My Secret Addiction

This month has been crazy -- filled with productivity, action, and meaningful long term planning.  I've been sitting at the computer a little less and doing a little more.  I'm not ready to say I am kicking ass and taking names on my July To Do List but I will say that I am getting there and definitely everything I have chosen to do this month has been a conscious choice, which has been AWESOME! Something about being choosy with how you spend your time makes life seem a lot less stressful and a lot more under control.  (Most of you are probably shouting "DUH!" at your computer screens right now.  I know.) But can I tell you what is totally out of control this month?  Our magazine subscriptions!  (And here's a confession:  I just subscribed to 2 more TODAY!  OMG what was I thinking.)  I'm not really sure what to do about it.  In some ways it is so easy, in others it is so overwhelming. 

How many magazines do you subscribe to? 

These are the magazines that make their way to our mailbox every month:

Cooking Light - This is a monthly staple that I just love getting.  It inpires meals every month and they usually have a few articles I'm interested in peppered throughout.  I know I could mostly get these recipes online but I love flipping through cooking magazines on Sunday when I meal plan.  Sitting at the computer is just NOT the same.  Plus, I got a year of it for $5 on Amazon at Christmas.

Real Simple - Great articles, great recipes, great home stuff -- I find this magazine to be lifestyle eye candy.  and again, I got it for $5 a year on Amazon at Christmas, so it definitely has paid for itself, even if I don't read every page of every issue.

Rachael Ray - I'm on Team Rachael Ray, feel free to judge me, and I love her magazine!  Recipes are usually fairly simple, lots of fun cooking and travel articles.  It's just always a fun (and quick read) and usually a few pages end up dog-eared for that Sunday night meal planning session.  This would probably be the first "cooking" magazine I would cut, but dammit, I DON'T WANT TO!

Fitness - I don't know why I still get this.  I'm not sure I have ever paid for, renewed, or requested this magazine, yet it keeps  coming to my mailbox.  I think the exercises are always a bit weak sauce, and the "health" articles always seem a bit gimmiky and advertiser driven (well, more obvious than most magazines I mean) but some of the recipes are fun and it can be good inpiration to shake up my workout at times.  I don't love it, but I still get it.  

Vanity Fair - some of the best and intriguing magazine articles aroun -- and usually they are about stuff I never even knew I wanted to know about.  Plus celebrities!  I mean, this tickles both the intellectual and superficial side of my brain and I kind of love it.  I don't really want to give it up, plus I recycle it when I'm done with it and pass it on to my mom, so it's also my good deed for the month. (right?)

The New Yorker - I have wanted a subscription to The New Yorker for ages and finally this Christmas I bought myself one.  It was $35 on Amazon around Christmas and I thought to myself, hell, I buy at least 6 issues a year (and they are painfully almost $6) so this pays for itself.  AND DAMN IT, I'M WORTH IT!  The only issue (haha, "issue"  See what I did there?  Ok, sorry) is that it is an incredibly dense magazine and it comes EVERY WEEK.  So it's a lot of reading, and truth be told, I don't read every issue from cover to cover but it is also one of the magazines that both Garrett and I like to read.  As long as I keep that price locked in, this one's a keeper. 

Sunset - I can't get enough of this magazine and it is one of the only magazines that I pretty much start reading on the way back from the mailbox and don't put it down until it's done.  I am always cutting out inpirations for decor, vacations, recipes.  So damn useful!  This mag is a MUST.  The funniest part of this magazine is that I never used to read until Garrett's mom got him a subscription to it for Christmas one year (it's tradition that she buys him a new magazine each year and they are always thoughtful interesting choices.)   

Organic Gardening - This year's subscription from Garrett's mom.  A magazine I probably would not have chosen myself, yet I adore all the great info in it! It's slightly above my skillset but it gives me something to aspire to. 

California Country - Complimentary magazine for being a California Farm Bureau member.  Great articles about the local agricultural economy, recipes, and fun facts.   

Glamour - All I can say about this magazine is how much I hate it and how it fills me with rage every month that it shows up in my mailbox.  I used to subscribe to Domino (RIP! Sob!) and when it went under I got this stupid, dumb, stupid, dumb magazine as a replacement.  BECAUSE THEY ARE SO SIMILAR.  ugh.  It reminds me on the regular how much I miss Domino.  Can't wait until this runs out. 

Popular Mechanics - Another $5 Amazon Holiday deal (if you haven't noticed yet, December -- great month to stock up on the magazine subscriptions.  Best kept secret, I tell ya!)  I don't really read this but Garrett does and he enjoys it. 

Via - Yes this is the free AAA magazine, but you guys it is so fun to read!  Before Garrett and I lived together I would steal this from him every issue.  Now that we are roomies, I still savor the benefits!

So this alone, is quite a long list  (And it doesn't include the free mags we end up getting from Costco, Charles Schwab, The Fed, and some other weird finance-y publication that I can't remember.  Obvs, I don't read it.)  It's kind of a ginormous list, actually, now that I type it all out.  But seriously the difference in price for subscribing vs. buying a few issues a year is practically negligable and in some cases ($5 Amazon deals) impossible to pass up!  So I don't really feel guilty about it so much as I feel well...just RIDICULOUS.  And then today I added two new subscriptions (!!!) because I needed another like I needed hole in the head. 

But here is my justification:

Everyday Food - Hi I'm sorry, do we not know each other?  I'm a Martha Stewart Zealot.  Yes she's a nutty control freak, but man do her recipes and entertaining tips deliver.  Not to mention I am a total lover of the Everyday Food Cookbook Series.  And this magazine, silly little minx that it is, taunts me at the grocery checkout 10 TIMES PER YEAR.  And almost always, I give in.  To the tune of at least $4.  I recently purchased a subscription to this for my mom on her birthday and I noticed on the little subscription mailer that it came with an added bonus.  A subscription to Whole Living Magazine.  Swoon!  This magazine is another little grocery store temptress and the two for one deal was hard to pass up (hello, $12!  For 20 issues!)  I mean really how could I say no?  Well the answer is, I coulnd't.  And now I am the owner of 14 magazine subscriptions.  And I'm not even satisfied.  Can you believe I still want to subscribe to Oprah?  

It's a problem you all.  But admitting it is the first step, right?  Right????